Chapter 776
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Chapter 776
Warm flesh pressed close coupled with an intoxicating bouquet of feminine musk, and the sweet rush that comes with intimate release.
Burning hot fury and a rage which will not be quenched, stifled only by the frustration of having nowhere to unleash it.
A delicious meal to gorge on and a soft chair to sink into, rewards well-earned after a hard days work.
Dark despair to pair with bitter disappointment, chased with the cold indifference of apathy to dull the edge of caustic failure.
Surging vindication and self-satisfaction from the dispensing of due justice, leading to a sense of safety and security.
Heady rush of domineering sovereignty and the silence of a subjugated foe, complete with wealth and riches beyond compare.Updated from novelbIn.(c)om
Lofty pride of success accompanied by the admiration of the crowd, so full of praise and wonderment.
Heart-pounding anxiety escalating into gut-wrenching terror until nothing is left except for a deranged, desperate desire to survive and the soul-crushing awareness of impending death.
Overwhelming faith and conviction to wash away all doubt and apprehension, leaving only assurance and complacency.
Delayed gratification as enemies fall bloodied and broken before me, pleading for mercy which will not be delivered, though the taste of their anguish is a nectar for the soul.
The complete absence of fear and concern built atop a foundation of absolute freedom and unwavering certainty, which leads to unshakable confidence in self and Heaven.
Indulgence and indolence. Death and suffering. Glory and triumph. Achievement and fulfillment. All manner of temptations dangle before me, appearing in brief glimpses without any actual substance, only to disappear in the blink of an eye without leaving any lasting impression. The reactions they elicit are momentary and fleeting, flashes of joy and sorrow, desire and disgust, apathy and ambition, and more as I mindlessly react to the stimuli placed before me, an endless stream of varying perceptions and sensations without beginning or end. Soon, I recognize a pattern emerging as the impressions shape themselves to my desires, but they remain unreal and insubstantial to the end, wholly unable to satisfy the emptiness inside, a craving hunger and restless thirst, but these fleeting glimpses are akin to flipping through a picture book of delicious meals or handing an empty glass to a man dying of thirst, a cruel joke that leaves me yearning for more, hoping for more, but only more of the same is forthcoming. Confusion and reluctance give way to greed and desire, which left unfulfilled lead to anger and hatred directed both inwards and out. How can I live like this, deprived of my wants and needs? How can the Heavens do this, deny my every desire and demand?
How can I stand for this?
The answer is simple.
I cannot and will not stand for it. I reject the restrictions set upon me. I spurn the constraints that bind me. If the Heavens wills me to bend and break, then I will shatter the Heavens.
For one, short, sweet, tantalizing moment, I exert my Will and revel in all that my heart desires.
Sex. Appreciation. Reverence.
Sex. Gluttony. Sloth.
Sex. Joy. Contentment.
Sex. Triumph. Respect.
Sex. Violence. Dominance.
Sex. Apathy. Lethargy.
Sex. Influence. Control.
Sex. Sex. Sex.
Thats a lot of sex.
So very much sex.
Possibly even too much sex. Never thought Id say such a thing, but reel it in a little. Geez. I havent been this horny since I was sixteen, packed to the gills with hormones and deprived of all porn and female companionship. The public baths and lack of soundproofing didnt help much either, to say nothing of the near daily brushes with death and overexposure to violence.
Huh. You know, looking back on those times now, Im surprised my testicles didnt just explode from being blue-balled for four straight years.
The allure of lust and gratification calls to me once more, but I am no longer so easily swayed, too confused and displeased by my unhinged responses that I am driven to do something about them. The reflex comes so naturally to as I reach for Balance on impulse, an ingrained reaction born from years of strife, struggle, and suffering. I close my eyes, but more than that, I close the rest of my senses off, blocking out the barrage of fleeting temptations assaulting me from all sides. There is no struggle, no surrender, merely quiet acceptance of the situation as is, a calm and inviting peace falling over me like a cloak of tranquil serenity. Relaxing from within the shroud of stillness, I draw myself inwards and open myself to whatever I might find, seeking nothing, aware of nothing, yet aware of my awareness itself. The river rages and the wind howls whilst the fury of the forge and the vastness of the mountain threatens to overwhelm me, but my resolve steels itself without need for trying and holds all of this and more at bay. One with the Self and One with the Universe, I drift aimlessly through the currents of time as seconds and minutes turn into hours and days, all in the blink of an eye.
Only for it all to shatter beneath the ice-cold rasp of Zhen Shis piercing articulation. So full of surprises, the old man intones, instilling his booming syllables and deafening silences with the force of a thousand trumpeting elephants tap-dancing on the back of my skull. Little worm is creative and innovative unlike any this Sovereign has ever seen, yet such noble sacrifices are ultimately wasted efforts in the face of absolute strength.
Anger and exasperation flare up from within, and I envision decapitating the old corpse and taking a shit in his skull, an uncharacteristically graphic response which I recognize as foreign and unwelcome. Idiot, I reply, rolling my eyes while studying my surroundings to try and pinpoint where I am, but all I see is darkness in all directions, but not the darkness of the Void. This darkness is fake and artificial compared to the real deal, filled with so much motion and emotion it sets my nerves to tingling beneath my skin. Well, not my nerves, or my skin, since I lack either of those things, being a Natal Soul and all, a realization which brings with it a deluge of memories and experience. I am the General, the micro-manager of the battlefield, and my current circumstances are a result of my boundless curiosity overcoming plain old common sense, which in my experience isnt actually all that common. I was caught by Zhen Shi, obviously, but I dont see him and cant sense where his voice is coming from, probably because hes playing his power games again. Nothing like unknowns and uncertainties to keep me on the back foot, affording him the upper hand in our exchange. No idea what his goal is, but hes clearly studying my reactions to various emotional stimuli, which means it is of the utmost importance I stay calm, cool, and collected.
I can do that. All I need to do is listen to my gut instincts, and then do the exact opposite. Easy Peasy.
The urge to voice all my questions out loud is almost unbearable, but no good can come from engagement. I have no idea whats happening, and asking questions will only reveal the depths of my ignorance, but the questions still pester me to no end. I figured I was dead once he caught me, that hed break me down and render me into usable Heavenly Energy, so why did he keep me conscious and self-aware? Why all the probing emotions and temptations? What surprise is he talking about? I dont recall making any noble sacrifices, but Ill be damned if I give him the smug satisfaction of playing up my ignorance. Now that Im here though, what am I supposed to do? Is there a way to escape and make it back to the physical world? Can I just Will myself back there? It couldnt possibly be that easy, but I give it a try regardless, because its not like I have anything better to do.
Closing my eyes, I reach for Balance, only to find it denied to me once more as Zhen Shi opens his stupid fucking mouth once more. The misplaced confidence of youth and inexperience, he oozes, in that smug, holier than thou manner, inwardly laughing at a joke he has yet to share. So willing to disregard his own counsel and place so much power in the hands of a mere tool. Sensing my confusion, Zhen Shis voice surges with delight. Oh? Perhaps not so much a fool after all. Were you unaware, little worm? Did you believe you were the true self? How delightfully cruel to leave you so ignorant of your fate.
I am a Natal Soul, the General.
I am Falling Rain, the Legate.
I am Rayne, the lost soul.
I am all this and more, but above all else, today, I am Baledagh, the bold, headstrong Warrior who doesnt sweat the small stuff and isnt afraid to chase his dreams.
Balance has always come naturally to me, except my fears and apprehensions pushed it away, but I have nothing to fear here. Zhen Shi still plays his games, making himself larger and more imposing so he can look down on me with his words and actions both, denigrating me as little worm and referring to himself as Sovereign. It probably works with most people, but Ive long since seen through his act, lifted straight from the abusers playbook to browbeat others into dependency. I also know that the barking dog doesnt bite, meaning hes made plenty of threats yet its clear he values taking me alive, else he wouldnt go to all the trouble of trying to break me. Whats more, he talked about personally crafting my prison, which was a mistake on his part, because it clued me in to one very important fact.
He said will craft. Not has crafted. Meaning he has yet to craft it. Why? Why use his rings to entrap me, when he has a whole set of robes designed to house Spectres and Natal Souls for the exact same purpose?
Because he cant. In JiangHu, he saw I was weakened from helping Rustram Develop his Domain and chose that moment to strike. Unconscious and unaware, I fell victim to the nightmare Zhen Shi sent my way, wherein I relived my days in the slave mines all over again. Then, once I was suitably immersed in the nightmare, he took a routine occurrence in my nightmare, namely the transition from the slave camp to the mines themselves, to trick me into leaving my Natal Palace under my own free will. Zhen Shi didnt set his phantom piggies to drag me out, didnt have them whip and beat me when I balked at the gates. No, he lulled me deep into the nightmare until I couldnt differentiate between dream and reality because he lacked the ability to drag my soul kicking and screaming out of my Natal Palace. He couldnt win against me in my Natal Palace, not through strength of Will, so he resorted to cunning tricks and schemes to achieve his goal. Now, hes using the same trick again, except he knows Im wise to his ways, so hes trying to come up with some fresh bait, but Im not biting. Thats what all the fleeting glimpses of temptations were for, to see what I would respond to, but then I shut him out in a way no Spectre or Natal Soul ever has, and he doesnt know how.
Itinerant souls, is what Mahakala called the Spectres, severed portions of Imbalanced souls which were cast away by their original owners. The Natal Souls I created in JiangHu were similar entities, ones created out of an urge to rid myself of any and all emotion, and thus they too were Imbalanced and easily turned to Zhen Shis cause. The severed fingers he claimed while I was trapped in his Keystone robes lacked agency, so that was usable Heavenly Energy in its purest form, but me?
Ive said it before, and Ill say it again; Im built different.
Deep in the throes of Balance, I reach out into the Void in search of a familiar presence, one I know is close by. There, I find my Prime Self, watching all this unfold from the safety of his Natal Palace and debating whether or not to take action, but I Send him my warmest regards and caution him to stay safe. Not because his life is more important than mine, but because he is currently safe, so theres no sense in both of us risking our hides unless we have to.
Theres another familiar presence lingering close to Prime Me, a warm and illuminating existence so full of love and content, but this is not the presence I seek. That being said, I cant help but stop by to say hello all the same, and Ping Pings glowing response is invigorating to say the least. There are no questions for me, just an affectionate greeting and a yearning for hugs and scritches, ones I promise to deliver as soon as possible while knowing I might never get the chance. Its alright though, because Prime Me most definitely will, even without prompting because he loves her every bit as much as I do. The sweet girl senses my melancholic undertones, and only wants to know how she can help, but I tell her shes already done more than enough, and bid her farewell for the first and possibly last time.
Pong Pong is also lurking nearby, but hes much more difficult to find, because unlike Ping Ping who broadcasts her position for all to see, Pong Pong has long since closed himself off to the Void. Hes seen the horrors which await him out here, horrors he consigned to the pit lurking under his Natal Palace, for he has no desire to ever revisit the Void, not so long as he ever lives. Though he stirs in response to my greeting, his caution keeps him from reaching out, so I leave him with an impression of my love and affection despite knowing he might never acknowledge it. A steep cost to pay, but one well worth it, because sometimes in order to retain Balance of your emotions, you need to know when to express them.
The presence I seek is none of those three, or any of the other various existences lingering in and around Meng Sha. The one I seek is close, but not in the immediate area, so it takes some time to reach him. Theres no need to find him, because I can always sense where he is, for we are bound as tightly as a Warrior and their Spiritual Weapon. Through this bond, I call to Blobby, and sure enough, he responds the moment he hears me, because to him, Im the same Falling Rain hes always known, without a difference or distinction from the original. Its still difficult to parse through Blobbys emotions, for though he is a being of soul and spirit similar to me, as far as I can tell, he was quite literally born this way. That doesnt stop him from understanding my need however, a call he responds to with eager enthusiasm, for I have denied him for so long that hes almost forgotten our bond.
Or at least thats what I can parse from it, but at the end of the day, Blobby is water and spirit and not entirely sentient, so who can really say whats on his mind?
Regardless of what his thoughts are, his actions speak loudly as he makes himself at home in my newly formed Core and Natal Palace, ones created on the spot just for him. Unlike Baledagh, who was a Spectre in everything but name, Blobby shows no interest in consuming or Cleansing me, because he is an agent of Balance. One naturally created in response to an Imbalance formed by the Spectres of humanity, except while he acts without direction or guidance, Zhen Shi has been harnessing the Spectres and acting as a driving force to increase Imbalance. Thats why Blobby sought me out, because he saw my ability to Devour and decided I would make a fine instrument to help fulfill his purpose, for we are a match made in heaven.
Then again, maybe Im giving him too much credit. Maybe he just saw that I was chock full of delicious Spectres and decided to stick around after his meal when he saw how I could help him collect more.
Either way, Blobby is the solution to all my woes. This is the conclusion I arrived at when considering Zhen Shis offer. I dont want to die. I want to live. But I dont need Zhen Shis help to do this. As Yan pointed out, its highly likely that creating Natal Souls requires a portion of regular Soul, but that only works to my advantage. I am a Natal Soul, yes, but a Balanced one that shares all of the originals hopes and dreams, thoughts and memories, and so much more. Prime Me did this to ensure his Natal Souls retained Balance, meaning at the end of the day, I am an entity capable of Balance, one which is indistinguishable from the original except for a single missing component that would allow me to generate emotion. The Spectres drive their hosts to feel the same sort of emotions they themselves are comprised of, because that is the only way they can sustain themselves, like leeches or parasites that plague humans and animals alike. Feeding in this manner only furthers their natural Imbalance and drives them even more insane, whereas I, on the other hand, have nothing against feeling emotions at the cost of Heavenly Energy, which I need to fuel my continued existence, hence the short expected lifespan.
So when you get down to it, my problem can be solved with simple math. My lifespan is equal to Heavenly Energy minus emotion, but what happens if I take a literal font of Heavenly Energy and place it inside my soul?
UNLIMITED POWER!!!!
Cackling to the high heavens at my rare memetic accomplishment, I pit my Will against Zhen Shis to cast away the darkness once more, but this time, hes not willing to give up without a fight. A wall of cold hard determination rises up to meet me, but even as I grit my teeth to crash head-long into it, a white-hot lance of rage and hatred pierces through me from behind, a one-two punch I didnt see coming. Mind-numbing melancholy sings its siren song to tempt me into its unfeeling embrace, while staggering despair threatens to consume me from within and promises a quiet end to this unending suffering, all overtop a current of wretched hopelessness that assures me I can never succeed no matter how hard I struggle to survive. All this and more impacts against my defenses and I roll with the punches as best I can, but Zhen Shi is every bit as unyielding as I am, and has more experience to boot. Though his single-minded determination and self-control is akin to the Heavens pressing down on me from above, I refuse to bend or break. Not for him, not for Shen ZhenWu, not for the Emperor, and not even for the Heavens themselves, for I am my own man, and I will walk my own path, regardless of whatever obstacles stand before me.
Through sheer grit and determination alone, I fight free of his endless barrage for a single moment, a moment long enough to find my bearings and get my head on straight. My sword and shield appear within the Void, and I take my glaive up with both hands, my Spiritual Weapons responding to my call in this time of need. Peace, Tranquility, and Unity, each one indelibly marked upon my soul, but unlike me, these are no mere copies, but true creations of my soul itself, wholly separate and distinct from the ones Prime Me wields, yet no different all the same.
And with my weapons in hand, I become the Warrior once again, letting loose with a howling cry of pure, unbridled, murderous glee.
Driving my glaive down into the ring below me, I shatter the corpses holding me in place in a spray of bones that dissipates into nothingness. Blobbys work, Cleansing the broken remains of Spectres that had been reforged and remolded into a different form, and I can sense his dissatisfaction with the meagre offerings. Promising to make it up to him, I turn my Will inwards and grow to match Zhen Shis gargantuan size before lashing out with all three weapons. Peace and Tranquility move without need for my hand or mind to guide them, but lack the power required to pierce through our golden robed foe, his form standing utterly still in place while my weapons swerve away as if unwilling to hurt him. Drawing upon my Will, I channel it all into Unity as I bring it down for a strike, resisting Zhen Shis attempts to manipulate causality and prevent my attack from landing. Its more difficult that it sounds, for I must stay true to my Will, while he shifts perception in an effort to sway me, making it seem as if hell move, Ill move, the world will move around us, and every possibility in between.
And while locked in this exchange, he summons a veritable armoury of weapons into existence and sends them flying towards me, but I see past the faade, for these are merely more Spectres which have been twisted and transformed into tools, tools which shatter in a single blow as they crash headlong into my Runic Armour. Its a matter of Will, and the Spectres are sorely lacking, for they are driven by need alone, the need to be freed from their tormented existence.
Joy and exhilaration flood through me as we match Wills in the Void, for the thrill of battle is an intoxicating experience unlike any other. Withdrawing from our stalemate based on mutual decision, I let the Movements flow out of me as I hack my way through a storm of blades and trade blows with Zhen Shi himself, blocking my glaive with his empty palms and a dismissive sneer etched across his face while continuing to shift perception all around me. Up, down, left, right, forward, backwards, it all swaps places and snaps back in a dizzying display, but I see not with my eyes, but my Spiritual Senses. This I keep locked onto his form, a powerful Spiritual entity here in the Void, and though I doubt this is his soul in truth, I cannot help but wonder where he got the metaphysical juice to pull something like this off.
The answer comes even as I ask the question, that sense of knowing without knowing which I so detest, for Zhen Shi is a parasite just like the Spectres he studied, harnessing the death and suffering of every Imperial soul within four harbours in order to produce this Natal Soul, one he directly controls from afar. The connection is there, but so unbreakable theres no point in even trying, so I continue to fight the good fight without injury or progress, but assured by the knowledge that I can handily outlast him, because I am being powered by a font of Heavenly Energy.
Confident though Zhen Shi appears, I sense his growing apprehension thick in the air as we trade countless blows in the Void, but it is not my weapons which concern him. No, its something else, something close, but he doesnt want me to find out, which is why hes so desperate to keep me engaged. His simmering rage tells me he would rather destroy me outright, but while Im not sure if he can, I feel like he could put up more of a fight than just trading blows head-to-head. Surely hes got many more tricks up his sleeve, but hes holding back to keep me occupied because he doesnt want to give me any time to think.
Why?
The answer comes immediately, one Prime Me arrived at thanks to his part as an objective observer. The Spectres, he Sends. Devour them, and whatever hoo-doo theyre working will dissipate.
As soon as he says it, I find and shatter the second cloak of darkness shrouding my perception, even as my rage mounts at allowing myself to be so easily fooled. This is what he didnt want me to see, the cause of the Aura-like effect pervading all of Meng Sha, and immediately, I know what I must do. I also know what it will cost me, which Prime Me has yet to figure out, else he wouldnt have told me to do this in the first place. Its a difference of perspective, as I am more in tune with my Spiritual Senses than he is, which is hardly unexpected. Its more math again. The Spectres are beings of negative emotions, while I am incapable of generating emotions, whether they be positive or negative. Thus, if I Devour the Spectres, then I will no longer be Balanced, because even though I can experience emotions, thats not the same thing as creating them, which is a distinction that makes all the difference in the world.
Because if I am no longer Balanced, then I will be no different from the Spectres, and Blobby will Cleanse me out of existence, meaning I wont be able to live after all.
I cannot lie and say I feel no fear or apprehension, but I do not hesitate as I break away from Zhen Shi and dive straight towards the cloud of writhing Spectres. Putting together a Sending for Prime Me, I pass on everything Ive learned and experienced and hope it will make a difference, because then, my life and death will have meant something. Thats all I really have going for me, because things unfold exactly as expected. I Devour the Spectres, and Blobby Cleanses me away, all of which takes place in the blink of an eye, a single moment which stretches on into eternity.
There is no pain, but plenty of regrets. I never got to tell anyone I loved them, or hug any floofs tight. I never got to feel the breeze on my skin or the sun on my back, snuggle up under a warm blanket or taste Charoks delicious cooking. Simple pleasures, all denied me by fate, but at the end of the day, when all the chips were on the line, I did what needed to be done.
Not the worst way to go, so what more could a guy ask for?
Chapter Meme
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Chapter 776
Warm flesh pressed close coupled with an intoxicating bouquet of feminine musk, and the sweet rush that comes with intimate release.
Burning hot fury and a rage which will not be quenched, stifled only by the frustration of having nowhere to unleash it.
A delicious meal to gorge on and a soft chair to sink into, rewards well-earned after a hard days work.
Dark despair to pair with bitter disappointment, chased with the cold indifference of apathy to dull the edge of caustic failure.
Surging vindication and self-satisfaction from the dispensing of due justice, leading to a sense of safety and security.
Heady rush of domineering sovereignty and the silence of a subjugated foe, complete with wealth and riches beyond compare.Updated from novelbIn.(c)om
Lofty pride of success accompanied by the admiration of the crowd, so full of praise and wonderment.
Heart-pounding anxiety escalating into gut-wrenching terror until nothing is left except for a deranged, desperate desire to survive and the soul-crushing awareness of impending death.
Overwhelming faith and conviction to wash away all doubt and apprehension, leaving only assurance and complacency.
Delayed gratification as enemies fall bloodied and broken before me, pleading for mercy which will not be delivered, though the taste of their anguish is a nectar for the soul.
The complete absence of fear and concern built atop a foundation of absolute freedom and unwavering certainty, which leads to unshakable confidence in self and Heaven.
Indulgence and indolence. Death and suffering. Glory and triumph. Achievement and fulfillment. All manner of temptations dangle before me, appearing in brief glimpses without any actual substance, only to disappear in the blink of an eye without leaving any lasting impression. The reactions they elicit are momentary and fleeting, flashes of joy and sorrow, desire and disgust, apathy and ambition, and more as I mindlessly react to the stimuli placed before me, an endless stream of varying perceptions and sensations without beginning or end. Soon, I recognize a pattern emerging as the impressions shape themselves to my desires, but they remain unreal and insubstantial to the end, wholly unable to satisfy the emptiness inside, a craving hunger and restless thirst, but these fleeting glimpses are akin to flipping through a picture book of delicious meals or handing an empty glass to a man dying of thirst, a cruel joke that leaves me yearning for more, hoping for more, but only more of the same is forthcoming. Confusion and reluctance give way to greed and desire, which left unfulfilled lead to anger and hatred directed both inwards and out. How can I live like this, deprived of my wants and needs? How can the Heavens do this, deny my every desire and demand?
How can I stand for this?
The answer is simple.
I cannot and will not stand for it. I reject the restrictions set upon me. I spurn the constraints that bind me. If the Heavens wills me to bend and break, then I will shatter the Heavens.
For one, short, sweet, tantalizing moment, I exert my Will and revel in all that my heart desires.
Sex. Appreciation. Reverence.
Sex. Gluttony. Sloth.
Sex. Joy. Contentment.
Sex. Triumph. Respect.
Sex. Violence. Dominance.
Sex. Apathy. Lethargy.
Sex. Influence. Control.
Sex. Sex. Sex.
Thats a lot of sex.
So very much sex.
Possibly even too much sex. Never thought Id say such a thing, but reel it in a little. Geez. I havent been this horny since I was sixteen, packed to the gills with hormones and deprived of all porn and female companionship. The public baths and lack of soundproofing didnt help much either, to say nothing of the near daily brushes with death and overexposure to violence.
Huh. You know, looking back on those times now, Im surprised my testicles didnt just explode from being blue-balled for four straight years.
The allure of lust and gratification calls to me once more, but I am no longer so easily swayed, too confused and displeased by my unhinged responses that I am driven to do something about them. The reflex comes so naturally to as I reach for Balance on impulse, an ingrained reaction born from years of strife, struggle, and suffering. I close my eyes, but more than that, I close the rest of my senses off, blocking out the barrage of fleeting temptations assaulting me from all sides. There is no struggle, no surrender, merely quiet acceptance of the situation as is, a calm and inviting peace falling over me like a cloak of tranquil serenity. Relaxing from within the shroud of stillness, I draw myself inwards and open myself to whatever I might find, seeking nothing, aware of nothing, yet aware of my awareness itself. The river rages and the wind howls whilst the fury of the forge and the vastness of the mountain threatens to overwhelm me, but my resolve steels itself without need for trying and holds all of this and more at bay. One with the Self and One with the Universe, I drift aimlessly through the currents of time as seconds and minutes turn into hours and days, all in the blink of an eye.
Only for it all to shatter beneath the ice-cold rasp of Zhen Shis piercing articulation. So full of surprises, the old man intones, instilling his booming syllables and deafening silences with the force of a thousand trumpeting elephants tap-dancing on the back of my skull. Little worm is creative and innovative unlike any this Sovereign has ever seen, yet such noble sacrifices are ultimately wasted efforts in the face of absolute strength.
Anger and exasperation flare up from within, and I envision decapitating the old corpse and taking a shit in his skull, an uncharacteristically graphic response which I recognize as foreign and unwelcome. Idiot, I reply, rolling my eyes while studying my surroundings to try and pinpoint where I am, but all I see is darkness in all directions, but not the darkness of the Void. This darkness is fake and artificial compared to the real deal, filled with so much motion and emotion it sets my nerves to tingling beneath my skin. Well, not my nerves, or my skin, since I lack either of those things, being a Natal Soul and all, a realization which brings with it a deluge of memories and experience. I am the General, the micro-manager of the battlefield, and my current circumstances are a result of my boundless curiosity overcoming plain old common sense, which in my experience isnt actually all that common. I was caught by Zhen Shi, obviously, but I dont see him and cant sense where his voice is coming from, probably because hes playing his power games again. Nothing like unknowns and uncertainties to keep me on the back foot, affording him the upper hand in our exchange. No idea what his goal is, but hes clearly studying my reactions to various emotional stimuli, which means it is of the utmost importance I stay calm, cool, and collected.
I can do that. All I need to do is listen to my gut instincts, and then do the exact opposite. Easy Peasy.
The urge to voice all my questions out loud is almost unbearable, but no good can come from engagement. I have no idea whats happening, and asking questions will only reveal the depths of my ignorance, but the questions still pester me to no end. I figured I was dead once he caught me, that hed break me down and render me into usable Heavenly Energy, so why did he keep me conscious and self-aware? Why all the probing emotions and temptations? What surprise is he talking about? I dont recall making any noble sacrifices, but Ill be damned if I give him the smug satisfaction of playing up my ignorance. Now that Im here though, what am I supposed to do? Is there a way to escape and make it back to the physical world? Can I just Will myself back there? It couldnt possibly be that easy, but I give it a try regardless, because its not like I have anything better to do.
Closing my eyes, I reach for Balance, only to find it denied to me once more as Zhen Shi opens his stupid fucking mouth once more. The misplaced confidence of youth and inexperience, he oozes, in that smug, holier than thou manner, inwardly laughing at a joke he has yet to share. So willing to disregard his own counsel and place so much power in the hands of a mere tool. Sensing my confusion, Zhen Shis voice surges with delight. Oh? Perhaps not so much a fool after all. Were you unaware, little worm? Did you believe you were the true self? How delightfully cruel to leave you so ignorant of your fate.
I am a Natal Soul, the General.
I am Falling Rain, the Legate.
I am Rayne, the lost soul.
I am all this and more, but above all else, today, I am Baledagh, the bold, headstrong Warrior who doesnt sweat the small stuff and isnt afraid to chase his dreams.
Balance has always come naturally to me, except my fears and apprehensions pushed it away, but I have nothing to fear here. Zhen Shi still plays his games, making himself larger and more imposing so he can look down on me with his words and actions both, denigrating me as little worm and referring to himself as Sovereign. It probably works with most people, but Ive long since seen through his act, lifted straight from the abusers playbook to browbeat others into dependency. I also know that the barking dog doesnt bite, meaning hes made plenty of threats yet its clear he values taking me alive, else he wouldnt go to all the trouble of trying to break me. Whats more, he talked about personally crafting my prison, which was a mistake on his part, because it clued me in to one very important fact.
He said will craft. Not has crafted. Meaning he has yet to craft it. Why? Why use his rings to entrap me, when he has a whole set of robes designed to house Spectres and Natal Souls for the exact same purpose?
Because he cant. In JiangHu, he saw I was weakened from helping Rustram Develop his Domain and chose that moment to strike. Unconscious and unaware, I fell victim to the nightmare Zhen Shi sent my way, wherein I relived my days in the slave mines all over again. Then, once I was suitably immersed in the nightmare, he took a routine occurrence in my nightmare, namely the transition from the slave camp to the mines themselves, to trick me into leaving my Natal Palace under my own free will. Zhen Shi didnt set his phantom piggies to drag me out, didnt have them whip and beat me when I balked at the gates. No, he lulled me deep into the nightmare until I couldnt differentiate between dream and reality because he lacked the ability to drag my soul kicking and screaming out of my Natal Palace. He couldnt win against me in my Natal Palace, not through strength of Will, so he resorted to cunning tricks and schemes to achieve his goal. Now, hes using the same trick again, except he knows Im wise to his ways, so hes trying to come up with some fresh bait, but Im not biting. Thats what all the fleeting glimpses of temptations were for, to see what I would respond to, but then I shut him out in a way no Spectre or Natal Soul ever has, and he doesnt know how.
Itinerant souls, is what Mahakala called the Spectres, severed portions of Imbalanced souls which were cast away by their original owners. The Natal Souls I created in JiangHu were similar entities, ones created out of an urge to rid myself of any and all emotion, and thus they too were Imbalanced and easily turned to Zhen Shis cause. The severed fingers he claimed while I was trapped in his Keystone robes lacked agency, so that was usable Heavenly Energy in its purest form, but me?
Ive said it before, and Ill say it again; Im built different.
Deep in the throes of Balance, I reach out into the Void in search of a familiar presence, one I know is close by. There, I find my Prime Self, watching all this unfold from the safety of his Natal Palace and debating whether or not to take action, but I Send him my warmest regards and caution him to stay safe. Not because his life is more important than mine, but because he is currently safe, so theres no sense in both of us risking our hides unless we have to.
Theres another familiar presence lingering close to Prime Me, a warm and illuminating existence so full of love and content, but this is not the presence I seek. That being said, I cant help but stop by to say hello all the same, and Ping Pings glowing response is invigorating to say the least. There are no questions for me, just an affectionate greeting and a yearning for hugs and scritches, ones I promise to deliver as soon as possible while knowing I might never get the chance. Its alright though, because Prime Me most definitely will, even without prompting because he loves her every bit as much as I do. The sweet girl senses my melancholic undertones, and only wants to know how she can help, but I tell her shes already done more than enough, and bid her farewell for the first and possibly last time.
Pong Pong is also lurking nearby, but hes much more difficult to find, because unlike Ping Ping who broadcasts her position for all to see, Pong Pong has long since closed himself off to the Void. Hes seen the horrors which await him out here, horrors he consigned to the pit lurking under his Natal Palace, for he has no desire to ever revisit the Void, not so long as he ever lives. Though he stirs in response to my greeting, his caution keeps him from reaching out, so I leave him with an impression of my love and affection despite knowing he might never acknowledge it. A steep cost to pay, but one well worth it, because sometimes in order to retain Balance of your emotions, you need to know when to express them.
The presence I seek is none of those three, or any of the other various existences lingering in and around Meng Sha. The one I seek is close, but not in the immediate area, so it takes some time to reach him. Theres no need to find him, because I can always sense where he is, for we are bound as tightly as a Warrior and their Spiritual Weapon. Through this bond, I call to Blobby, and sure enough, he responds the moment he hears me, because to him, Im the same Falling Rain hes always known, without a difference or distinction from the original. Its still difficult to parse through Blobbys emotions, for though he is a being of soul and spirit similar to me, as far as I can tell, he was quite literally born this way. That doesnt stop him from understanding my need however, a call he responds to with eager enthusiasm, for I have denied him for so long that hes almost forgotten our bond.
Or at least thats what I can parse from it, but at the end of the day, Blobby is water and spirit and not entirely sentient, so who can really say whats on his mind?
Regardless of what his thoughts are, his actions speak loudly as he makes himself at home in my newly formed Core and Natal Palace, ones created on the spot just for him. Unlike Baledagh, who was a Spectre in everything but name, Blobby shows no interest in consuming or Cleansing me, because he is an agent of Balance. One naturally created in response to an Imbalance formed by the Spectres of humanity, except while he acts without direction or guidance, Zhen Shi has been harnessing the Spectres and acting as a driving force to increase Imbalance. Thats why Blobby sought me out, because he saw my ability to Devour and decided I would make a fine instrument to help fulfill his purpose, for we are a match made in heaven.
Then again, maybe Im giving him too much credit. Maybe he just saw that I was chock full of delicious Spectres and decided to stick around after his meal when he saw how I could help him collect more.
Either way, Blobby is the solution to all my woes. This is the conclusion I arrived at when considering Zhen Shis offer. I dont want to die. I want to live. But I dont need Zhen Shis help to do this. As Yan pointed out, its highly likely that creating Natal Souls requires a portion of regular Soul, but that only works to my advantage. I am a Natal Soul, yes, but a Balanced one that shares all of the originals hopes and dreams, thoughts and memories, and so much more. Prime Me did this to ensure his Natal Souls retained Balance, meaning at the end of the day, I am an entity capable of Balance, one which is indistinguishable from the original except for a single missing component that would allow me to generate emotion. The Spectres drive their hosts to feel the same sort of emotions they themselves are comprised of, because that is the only way they can sustain themselves, like leeches or parasites that plague humans and animals alike. Feeding in this manner only furthers their natural Imbalance and drives them even more insane, whereas I, on the other hand, have nothing against feeling emotions at the cost of Heavenly Energy, which I need to fuel my continued existence, hence the short expected lifespan.
So when you get down to it, my problem can be solved with simple math. My lifespan is equal to Heavenly Energy minus emotion, but what happens if I take a literal font of Heavenly Energy and place it inside my soul?
UNLIMITED POWER!!!!
Cackling to the high heavens at my rare memetic accomplishment, I pit my Will against Zhen Shis to cast away the darkness once more, but this time, hes not willing to give up without a fight. A wall of cold hard determination rises up to meet me, but even as I grit my teeth to crash head-long into it, a white-hot lance of rage and hatred pierces through me from behind, a one-two punch I didnt see coming. Mind-numbing melancholy sings its siren song to tempt me into its unfeeling embrace, while staggering despair threatens to consume me from within and promises a quiet end to this unending suffering, all overtop a current of wretched hopelessness that assures me I can never succeed no matter how hard I struggle to survive. All this and more impacts against my defenses and I roll with the punches as best I can, but Zhen Shi is every bit as unyielding as I am, and has more experience to boot. Though his single-minded determination and self-control is akin to the Heavens pressing down on me from above, I refuse to bend or break. Not for him, not for Shen ZhenWu, not for the Emperor, and not even for the Heavens themselves, for I am my own man, and I will walk my own path, regardless of whatever obstacles stand before me.
Through sheer grit and determination alone, I fight free of his endless barrage for a single moment, a moment long enough to find my bearings and get my head on straight. My sword and shield appear within the Void, and I take my glaive up with both hands, my Spiritual Weapons responding to my call in this time of need. Peace, Tranquility, and Unity, each one indelibly marked upon my soul, but unlike me, these are no mere copies, but true creations of my soul itself, wholly separate and distinct from the ones Prime Me wields, yet no different all the same.
And with my weapons in hand, I become the Warrior once again, letting loose with a howling cry of pure, unbridled, murderous glee.
Driving my glaive down into the ring below me, I shatter the corpses holding me in place in a spray of bones that dissipates into nothingness. Blobbys work, Cleansing the broken remains of Spectres that had been reforged and remolded into a different form, and I can sense his dissatisfaction with the meagre offerings. Promising to make it up to him, I turn my Will inwards and grow to match Zhen Shis gargantuan size before lashing out with all three weapons. Peace and Tranquility move without need for my hand or mind to guide them, but lack the power required to pierce through our golden robed foe, his form standing utterly still in place while my weapons swerve away as if unwilling to hurt him. Drawing upon my Will, I channel it all into Unity as I bring it down for a strike, resisting Zhen Shis attempts to manipulate causality and prevent my attack from landing. Its more difficult that it sounds, for I must stay true to my Will, while he shifts perception in an effort to sway me, making it seem as if hell move, Ill move, the world will move around us, and every possibility in between.
And while locked in this exchange, he summons a veritable armoury of weapons into existence and sends them flying towards me, but I see past the faade, for these are merely more Spectres which have been twisted and transformed into tools, tools which shatter in a single blow as they crash headlong into my Runic Armour. Its a matter of Will, and the Spectres are sorely lacking, for they are driven by need alone, the need to be freed from their tormented existence.
Joy and exhilaration flood through me as we match Wills in the Void, for the thrill of battle is an intoxicating experience unlike any other. Withdrawing from our stalemate based on mutual decision, I let the Movements flow out of me as I hack my way through a storm of blades and trade blows with Zhen Shi himself, blocking my glaive with his empty palms and a dismissive sneer etched across his face while continuing to shift perception all around me. Up, down, left, right, forward, backwards, it all swaps places and snaps back in a dizzying display, but I see not with my eyes, but my Spiritual Senses. This I keep locked onto his form, a powerful Spiritual entity here in the Void, and though I doubt this is his soul in truth, I cannot help but wonder where he got the metaphysical juice to pull something like this off.
The answer comes even as I ask the question, that sense of knowing without knowing which I so detest, for Zhen Shi is a parasite just like the Spectres he studied, harnessing the death and suffering of every Imperial soul within four harbours in order to produce this Natal Soul, one he directly controls from afar. The connection is there, but so unbreakable theres no point in even trying, so I continue to fight the good fight without injury or progress, but assured by the knowledge that I can handily outlast him, because I am being powered by a font of Heavenly Energy.
Confident though Zhen Shi appears, I sense his growing apprehension thick in the air as we trade countless blows in the Void, but it is not my weapons which concern him. No, its something else, something close, but he doesnt want me to find out, which is why hes so desperate to keep me engaged. His simmering rage tells me he would rather destroy me outright, but while Im not sure if he can, I feel like he could put up more of a fight than just trading blows head-to-head. Surely hes got many more tricks up his sleeve, but hes holding back to keep me occupied because he doesnt want to give me any time to think.
Why?
The answer comes immediately, one Prime Me arrived at thanks to his part as an objective observer. The Spectres, he Sends. Devour them, and whatever hoo-doo theyre working will dissipate.
As soon as he says it, I find and shatter the second cloak of darkness shrouding my perception, even as my rage mounts at allowing myself to be so easily fooled. This is what he didnt want me to see, the cause of the Aura-like effect pervading all of Meng Sha, and immediately, I know what I must do. I also know what it will cost me, which Prime Me has yet to figure out, else he wouldnt have told me to do this in the first place. Its a difference of perspective, as I am more in tune with my Spiritual Senses than he is, which is hardly unexpected. Its more math again. The Spectres are beings of negative emotions, while I am incapable of generating emotions, whether they be positive or negative. Thus, if I Devour the Spectres, then I will no longer be Balanced, because even though I can experience emotions, thats not the same thing as creating them, which is a distinction that makes all the difference in the world.
Because if I am no longer Balanced, then I will be no different from the Spectres, and Blobby will Cleanse me out of existence, meaning I wont be able to live after all.
I cannot lie and say I feel no fear or apprehension, but I do not hesitate as I break away from Zhen Shi and dive straight towards the cloud of writhing Spectres. Putting together a Sending for Prime Me, I pass on everything Ive learned and experienced and hope it will make a difference, because then, my life and death will have meant something. Thats all I really have going for me, because things unfold exactly as expected. I Devour the Spectres, and Blobby Cleanses me away, all of which takes place in the blink of an eye, a single moment which stretches on into eternity.
There is no pain, but plenty of regrets. I never got to tell anyone I loved them, or hug any floofs tight. I never got to feel the breeze on my skin or the sun on my back, snuggle up under a warm blanket or taste Charoks delicious cooking. Simple pleasures, all denied me by fate, but at the end of the day, when all the chips were on the line, I did what needed to be done.
Not the worst way to go, so what more could a guy ask for?
Chapter Meme
Chapter 776Warm flesh pressed close coupled with an intoxicating bouquet of feminine musk, and the sweet rush that comes with intimate release.Burning hot fury and a rage which will not be quenched, stifled only by the frustration of having nowhere to unleash it.A delicious meal to gorge on and a soft chair to sink into, rewards well-earned after a hard days work.Dark despair to pair with bitter disappointment, chased with the cold indifference of apathy to dull the edge of caustic failure.Surging vindication and self-satisfaction from the dispensing of due justice, leading to a sense of safety and security.Heady rush of domineering sovereignty and the silence of a subjugated foe, complete with wealth and riches beyond compare.Updated from novelbIn.comLofty pride of success accompanied by the admiration of the crowd, so full of praise and wonderment.Heart-pounding anxiety escalating into gut-wrenching terror until nothing is left except for a deranged, desperate desire to survive and the soul-crushing awareness of impending death.Overwhelming faith and conviction to wash away all doubt and apprehension, leaving only assurance and complacency.Delayed gratification as enemies fall bloodied and broken before me, pleading for mercy which will not be delivered, though the taste of their anguish is a nectar for the soul.The complete absence of fear and concern built atop a foundation of absolute freedom and unwavering certainty, which leads to unshakable confidence in self and Heaven.Indulgence and indolence. Death and suffering. Glory and triumph. Achievement and fulfillment. All manner of temptations dangle before me, appearing in brief glimpses without any actual substance, only to disappear in the blink of an eye without leaving any lasting impression. The reactions they elicit are momentary and fleeting, flashes of joy and sorrow, desire and disgust, apathy and ambition, and more as I mindlessly react to the stimuli placed before me, an endless stream of varying perceptions and sensations without beginning or end. Soon, I recognize a pattern emerging as the impressions shape themselves to my desires, but they remain unreal and insubstantial to the end, wholly unable to satisfy the emptiness inside, a craving hunger and restless thirst, but these fleeting glimpses are akin to flipping through a picture book of delicious meals or handing an empty glass to a man dying of thirst, a cruel joke that leaves me yearning for more, hoping for more, but only more of the same is forthcoming. Confusion and reluctance give way to greed and desire, which left unfulfilled lead to anger and hatred directed both inwards and out. How can I live like this, deprived of my wants and needs? How can the Heavens do this, deny my every desire and demand?How can I stand for this?The answer is simple.I cannot and will not stand for it. I reject the restrictions set upon me. I spurn the constraints that bind me. If the Heavens wills me to bend and break, then I will shatter the Heavens.For one, short, sweet, tantalizing moment, I exert my Will and revel in all that my heart desires.Sex. Appreciation. Reverence.Sex. Gluttony. Sloth.Sex. Joy. Contentment.Sex. Triumph. Respect.Sex. Violence. Dominance.Sex. Apathy. Lethargy.Sex. Influence. Control.Sex. Sex. Sex.Thats a lot of sex.So very much sex.Possibly even too much sex. Never thought Id say such a thing, but reel it in a little. Geez. I havent been this horny since I was sixteen, packed to the gills with hormones and deprived of all porn and female companionship. The public baths and lack of soundproofing didnt help much either, to say nothing of the near daily brushes with death and overexposure to violence.Huh. You know, looking back on those times now, Im surprised my testicles didnt just explode from being blue-balled for four straight years.The allure of lust and gratification calls to me once more, but I am no longer so easily swayed, too confused and displeased by my unhinged responses that I am driven to do something about them. The reflex comes so naturally to as I reach for Balance on impulse, an ingrained reaction born from years of strife, struggle, and suffering. I close my eyes, but more than that, I close the rest of my senses off, blocking out the barrage of fleeting temptations assaulting me from all sides. There is no struggle, no surrender, merely quiet acceptance of the situation as is, a calm and inviting peace falling over me like a cloak of tranquil serenity. Relaxing from within the shroud of stillness, I draw myself inwards and open myself to whatever I might find, seeking nothing, aware of nothing, yet aware of my awareness itself. The river rages and the wind howls whilst the fury of the forge and the vastness of the mountain threatens to overwhelm me, but my resolve steels itself without need for trying and holds all of this and more at bay. One with the Self and One with the Universe, I drift aimlessly through the currents of time as seconds and minutes turn into hours and days, all in the blink of an eye.Only for it all to shatter beneath the ice-cold rasp of Zhen Shis piercing articulation. So full of surprises, the old man intones, instilling his booming syllables and deafening silences with the force of a thousand trumpeting elephants tap-dancing on the back of my skull. Little worm is creative and innovative unlike any this Sovereign has ever seen, yet such noble sacrifices are ultimately wasted efforts in the face of absolute strength.Anger and exasperation flare up from within, and I envision decapitating the old corpse and taking a shit in his skull, an uncharacteristically graphic response which I recognize as foreign and unwelcome. Idiot, I reply, rolling my eyes while studying my surroundings to try and pinpoint where I am, but all I see is darkness in all directions, but not the darkness of the Void. This darkness is fake and artificial compared to the real deal, filled with so much motion and emotion it sets my nerves to tingling beneath my skin. Well, not my nerves, or my skin, since I lack either of those things, being a Natal Soul and all, a realization which brings with it a deluge of memories and experience. I am the General, the micro-manager of the battlefield, and my current circumstances are a result of my boundless curiosity overcoming plain old common sense, which in my experience isnt actually all that common. I was caught by Zhen Shi, obviously, but I dont see him and cant sense where his voice is coming from, probably because hes playing his power games again. Nothing like unknowns and uncertainties to keep me on the back foot, affording him the upper hand in our exchange. No idea what his goal is, but hes clearly studying my reactions to various emotional stimuli, which means it is of the utmost importance I stay calm, cool, and collected.I can do that. All I need to do is listen to my gut instincts, and then do the exact opposite. Easy Peasy.The urge to voice all my questions out loud is almost unbearable, but no good can come from engagement. I have no idea whats happening, and asking questions will only reveal the depths of my ignorance, but the questions still pester me to no end. I figured I was dead once he caught me, that hed break me down and render me into usable Heavenly Energy, so why did he keep me conscious and self-aware? Why all the probing emotions and temptations? What surprise is he talking about? I dont recall making any noble sacrifices, but Ill be damned if I give him the smug satisfaction of playing up my ignorance. Now that Im here though, what am I supposed to do? Is there a way to escape and make it back to the physical world? Can I just Will myself back there? It couldnt possibly be that easy, but I give it a try regardless, because its not like I have anything better to do.Closing my eyes, I reach for Balance, only to find it denied to me once more as Zhen Shi opens his stupid fucking mouth once more. The misplaced confidence of youth and inexperience, he oozes, in that smug, holier than thou manner, inwardly laughing at a joke he has yet to share. So willing to disregard his own counsel and place so much power in the hands of a mere tool. Sensing my confusion, Zhen Shis voice surges with delight. Oh? Perhaps not so much a fool after all. Were you unaware, little worm? Did you believe you were the true self? How delightfully cruel to leave you so ignorant of your fate.I am a Natal Soul, the General.I am Falling Rain, the Legate.I am Rayne, the lost soul.I am all this and more, but above all else, today, I am Baledagh, the bold, headstrong Warrior who doesnt sweat the small stuff and isnt afraid to chase his dreams.Balance has always come naturally to me, except my fears and apprehensions pushed it away, but I have nothing to fear here. Zhen Shi still plays his games, making himself larger and more imposing so he can look down on me with his words and actions both, denigrating me as little worm and referring to himself as Sovereign. It probably works with most people, but Ive long since seen through his act, lifted straight from the abusers playbook to browbeat others into dependency. I also know that the barking dog doesnt bite, meaning hes made plenty of threats yet its clear he values taking me alive, else he wouldnt go to all the trouble of trying to break me. Whats more, he talked about personally crafting my prison, which was a mistake on his part, because it clued me in to one very important fact.He said will craft. Not has crafted. Meaning he has yet to craft it. Why? Why use his rings to entrap me, when he has a whole set of robes designed to house Spectres and Natal Souls for the exact same purpose?Because he cant. In JiangHu, he saw I was weakened from helping Rustram Develop his Domain and chose that moment to strike. Unconscious and unaware, I fell victim to the nightmare Zhen Shi sent my way, wherein I relived my days in the slave mines all over again. Then, once I was suitably immersed in the nightmare, he took a routine occurrence in my nightmare, namely the transition from the slave camp to the mines themselves, to trick me into leaving my Natal Palace under my own free will. Zhen Shi didnt set his phantom piggies to drag me out, didnt have them whip and beat me when I balked at the gates. No, he lulled me deep into the nightmare until I couldnt differentiate between dream and reality because he lacked the ability to drag my soul kicking and screaming out of my Natal Palace. He couldnt win against me in my Natal Palace, not through strength of Will, so he resorted to cunning tricks and schemes to achieve his goal. Now, hes using the same trick again, except he knows Im wise to his ways, so hes trying to come up with some fresh bait, but Im not biting. Thats what all the fleeting glimpses of temptations were for, to see what I would respond to, but then I shut him out in a way no Spectre or Natal Soul ever has, and he doesnt know how.Itinerant souls, is what Mahakala called the Spectres, severed portions of Imbalanced souls which were cast away by their original owners. The Natal Souls I created in JiangHu were similar entities, ones created out of an urge to rid myself of any and all emotion, and thus they too were Imbalanced and easily turned to Zhen Shis cause. The severed fingers he claimed while I was trapped in his Keystone robes lacked agency, so that was usable Heavenly Energy in its purest form, but me? Ive said it before, and Ill say it again; Im built different.Deep in the throes of Balance, I reach out into the Void in search of a familiar presence, one I know is close by. There, I find my Prime Self, watching all this unfold from the safety of his Natal Palace and debating whether or not to take action, but I Send him my warmest regards and caution him to stay safe. Not because his life is more important than mine, but because he is currently safe, so theres no sense in both of us risking our hides unless we have to.Theres another familiar presence lingering close to Prime Me, a warm and illuminating existence so full of love and content, but this is not the presence I seek. That being said, I cant help but stop by to say hello all the same, and Ping Pings glowing response is invigorating to say the least. There are no questions for me, just an affectionate greeting and a yearning for hugs and scritches, ones I promise to deliver as soon as possible while knowing I might never get the chance. Its alright though, because Prime Me most definitely will, even without prompting because he loves her every bit as much as I do. The sweet girl senses my melancholic undertones, and only wants to know how she can help, but I tell her shes already done more than enough, and bid her farewell for the first and possibly last time.Pong Pong is also lurking nearby, but hes much more difficult to find, because unlike Ping Ping who broadcasts her position for all to see, Pong Pong has long since closed himself off to the Void. Hes seen the horrors which await him out here, horrors he consigned to the pit lurking under his Natal Palace, for he has no desire to ever revisit the Void, not so long as he ever lives. Though he stirs in response to my greeting, his caution keeps him from reaching out, so I leave him with an impression of my love and affection despite knowing he might never acknowledge it. A steep cost to pay, but one well worth it, because sometimes in order to retain Balance of your emotions, you need to know when to express them.The presence I seek is none of those three, or any of the other various existences lingering in and around Meng Sha. The one I seek is close, but not in the immediate area, so it takes some time to reach him. Theres no need to find him, because I can always sense where he is, for we are bound as tightly as a Warrior and their Spiritual Weapon. Through this bond, I call to Blobby, and sure enough, he responds the moment he hears me, because to him, Im the same Falling Rain hes always known, without a difference or distinction from the original. Its still difficult to parse through Blobbys emotions, for though he is a being of soul and spirit similar to me, as far as I can tell, he was quite literally born this way. That doesnt stop him from understanding my need however, a call he responds to with eager enthusiasm, for I have denied him for so long that hes almost forgotten our bond.Or at least thats what I can parse from it, but at the end of the day, Blobby is water and spirit and not entirely sentient, so who can really say whats on his mind?Regardless of what his thoughts are, his actions speak loudly as he makes himself at home in my newly formed Core and Natal Palace, ones created on the spot just for him. Unlike Baledagh, who was a Spectre in everything but name, Blobby shows no interest in consuming or Cleansing me, because he is an agent of Balance. One naturally created in response to an Imbalance formed by the Spectres of humanity, except while he acts without direction or guidance, Zhen Shi has been harnessing the Spectres and acting as a driving force to increase Imbalance. Thats why Blobby sought me out, because he saw my ability to Devour and decided I would make a fine instrument to help fulfill his purpose, for we are a match made in heaven. Then again, maybe Im giving him too much credit. Maybe he just saw that I was chock full of delicious Spectres and decided to stick around after his meal when he saw how I could help him collect more.Either way, Blobby is the solution to all my woes. This is the conclusion I arrived at when considering Zhen Shis offer. I dont want to die. I want to live. But I dont need Zhen Shis help to do this. As Yan pointed out, its highly likely that creating Natal Souls requires a portion of regular Soul, but that only works to my advantage. I am a Natal Soul, yes, but a Balanced one that shares all of the originals hopes and dreams, thoughts and memories, and so much more. Prime Me did this to ensure his Natal Souls retained Balance, meaning at the end of the day, I am an entity capable of Balance, one which is indistinguishable from the original except for a single missing component that would allow me to generate emotion. The Spectres drive their hosts to feel the same sort of emotions they themselves are comprised of, because that is the only way they can sustain themselves, like leeches or parasites that plague humans and animals alike. Feeding in this manner only furthers their natural Imbalance and drives them even more insane, whereas I, on the other hand, have nothing against feeling emotions at the cost of Heavenly Energy, which I need to fuel my continued existence, hence the short expected lifespan.So when you get down to it, my problem can be solved with simple math. My lifespan is equal to Heavenly Energy minus emotion, but what happens if I take a literal font of Heavenly Energy and place it inside my soul?UNLIMITED POWER!!!!Cackling to the high heavens at my rare memetic accomplishment, I pit my Will against Zhen Shis to cast away the darkness once more, but this time, hes not willing to give up without a fight. A wall of cold hard determination rises up to meet me, but even as I grit my teeth to crash head-long into it, a white-hot lance of rage and hatred pierces through me from behind, a one-two punch I didnt see coming. Mind-numbing melancholy sings its siren song to tempt me into its unfeeling embrace, while staggering despair threatens to consume me from within and promises a quiet end to this unending suffering, all overtop a current of wretched hopelessness that assures me I can never succeed no matter how hard I struggle to survive. All this and more impacts against my defenses and I roll with the punches as best I can, but Zhen Shi is every bit as unyielding as I am, and has more experience to boot. Though his single-minded determination and self-control is akin to the Heavens pressing down on me from above, I refuse to bend or break. Not for him, not for Shen ZhenWu, not for the Emperor, and not even for the Heavens themselves, for I am my own man, and I will walk my own path, regardless of whatever obstacles stand before me.Through sheer grit and determination alone, I fight free of his endless barrage for a single moment, a moment long enough to find my bearings and get my head on straight. My sword and shield appear within the Void, and I take my glaive up with both hands, my Spiritual Weapons responding to my call in this time of need. Peace, Tranquility, and Unity, each one indelibly marked upon my soul, but unlike me, these are no mere copies, but true creations of my soul itself, wholly separate and distinct from the ones Prime Me wields, yet no different all the same.And with my weapons in hand, I become the Warrior once again, letting loose with a howling cry of pure, unbridled, murderous glee.Driving my glaive down into the ring below me, I shatter the corpses holding me in place in a spray of bones that dissipates into nothingness. Blobbys work, Cleansing the broken remains of Spectres that had been reforged and remolded into a different form, and I can sense his dissatisfaction with the meagre offerings. Promising to make it up to him, I turn my Will inwards and grow to match Zhen Shis gargantuan size before lashing out with all three weapons. Peace and Tranquility move without need for my hand or mind to guide them, but lack the power required to pierce through our golden robed foe, his form standing utterly still in place while my weapons swerve away as if unwilling to hurt him. Drawing upon my Will, I channel it all into Unity as I bring it down for a strike, resisting Zhen Shis attempts to manipulate causality and prevent my attack from landing. Its more difficult that it sounds, for I must stay true to my Will, while he shifts perception in an effort to sway me, making it seem as if hell move, Ill move, the world will move around us, and every possibility in between.And while locked in this exchange, he summons a veritable armoury of weapons into existence and sends them flying towards me, but I see past the faade, for these are merely more Spectres which have been twisted and transformed into tools, tools which shatter in a single blow as they crash headlong into my Runic Armour. Its a matter of Will, and the Spectres are sorely lacking, for they are driven by need alone, the need to be freed from their tormented existence.Joy and exhilaration flood through me as we match Wills in the Void, for the thrill of battle is an intoxicating experience unlike any other. Withdrawing from our stalemate based on mutual decision, I let the Movements flow out of me as I hack my way through a storm of blades and trade blows with Zhen Shi himself, blocking my glaive with his empty palms and a dismissive sneer etched across his face while continuing to shift perception all around me. Up, down, left, right, forward, backwards, it all swaps places and snaps back in a dizzying display, but I see not with my eyes, but my Spiritual Senses. This I keep locked onto his form, a powerful Spiritual entity here in the Void, and though I doubt this is his soul in truth, I cannot help but wonder where he got the metaphysical juice to pull something like this off.The answer comes even as I ask the question, that sense of knowing without knowing which I so detest, for Zhen Shi is a parasite just like the Spectres he studied, harnessing the death and suffering of every Imperial soul within four harbours in order to produce this Natal Soul, one he directly controls from afar. The connection is there, but so unbreakable theres no point in even trying, so I continue to fight the good fight without injury or progress, but assured by the knowledge that I can handily outlast him, because I am being powered by a font of Heavenly Energy.Confident though Zhen Shi appears, I sense his growing apprehension thick in the air as we trade countless blows in the Void, but it is not my weapons which concern him. No, its something else, something close, but he doesnt want me to find out, which is why hes so desperate to keep me engaged. His simmering rage tells me he would rather destroy me outright, but while Im not sure if he can, I feel like he could put up more of a fight than just trading blows head-to-head. Surely hes got many more tricks up his sleeve, but hes holding back to keep me occupied because he doesnt want to give me any time to think.Why?The answer comes immediately, one Prime Me arrived at thanks to his part as an objective observer. The Spectres, he Sends. Devour them, and whatever hoo-doo theyre working will dissipate.As soon as he says it, I find and shatter the second cloak of darkness shrouding my perception, even as my rage mounts at allowing myself to be so easily fooled. This is what he didnt want me to see, the cause of the Aura-like effect pervading all of Meng Sha, and immediately, I know what I must do. I also know what it will cost me, which Prime Me has yet to figure out, else he wouldnt have told me to do this in the first place. Its a difference of perspective, as I am more in tune with my Spiritual Senses than he is, which is hardly unexpected. Its more math again. The Spectres are beings of negative emotions, while I am incapable of generating emotions, whether they be positive or negative. Thus, if I Devour the Spectres, then I will no longer be Balanced, because even though I can experience emotions, thats not the same thing as creating them, which is a distinction that makes all the difference in the world.Because if I am no longer Balanced, then I will be no different from the Spectres, and Blobby will Cleanse me out of existence, meaning I wont be able to live after all.I cannot lie and say I feel no fear or apprehension, but I do not hesitate as I break away from Zhen Shi and dive straight towards the cloud of writhing Spectres. Putting together a Sending for Prime Me, I pass on everything Ive learned and experienced and hope it will make a difference, because then, my life and death will have meant something. Thats all I really have going for me, because things unfold exactly as expected. I Devour the Spectres, and Blobby Cleanses me away, all of which takes place in the blink of an eye, a single moment which stretches on into eternity.There is no pain, but plenty of regrets. I never got to tell anyone I loved them, or hug any floofs tight. I never got to feel the breeze on my skin or the sun on my back, snuggle up under a warm blanket or taste Charoks delicious cooking. Simple pleasures, all denied me by fate, but at the end of the day, when all the chips were on the line, I did what needed to be done.Not the worst way to go, so what more could a guy ask for?Chapter Meme
