The rest of my conversation with my old mentor went well. We caught up on current events and talked shit about different people we had done business with in the past. When I told him what I had told Kruger in our last meeting, Jay laughed and told me that it was about time I stood up for myself like that.
It was a pleasant talk and I was happy that he was taking me coming out so well. When we had talked previously, he had become quiet and had said little else other than that I was free to be who I wanted to be. I didn’t doubt he still cared for me, but the darker thoughts in my head feared that I had become lesser in his eyes. Due to those fears, I didn’t attempt to call him for nearly two months. This was the first we had talked since. I had missed it.
His full acceptance and eagerness to assist in my transition was a balm to my soul that I hadn’t been completely aware I had even needed. Jay had even passed along some congratulations from some of my old crewmates. At one point the man seemed to darken, mentioning that he had fired one member of his current crew over the situation. He didn’t elaborate on what had happened or what had been said, but he was a more than fair captain. If a crew member had managed to bring the normally cool-tempered captain to anger enough to fire them on the spot, it would’ve been quite the scene.
We closed the call with Jay again affirming that he was proud of what I had accomplished and wanted to see me succeed in life. He also stated a desire to see me at some point soon and stated that he would be calling again once he had some time to travel so that we could organise a small reunion.
Once the call closed I leaned back in my chair. A yawn forced its way out and I looked at the time, only to discover that it was getting incredibly late. My stomach rumbled and I recalled that I also hadn’t eaten. Knowing that I needed to see to my health, I stood and left the workshop. Vox locked up behind me after a quick request.
The main cafeteria I usually went to was closed by the time I got back into the habitation ring, so I instead grabbed a small meal from one of the always open vending machines that were scattered about. It wasn’t very good food, even compared to the cafeteria fare, but it was purpose-made to fulfil the nutrient requirements of a full meal. Perfect for the on the go workman or for an overtired person dragging themselves to bed who couldn't care less about luxuries like flavour.
Despite the fatigue, though, after getting back to my quarters and getting into my bed, I was unable to sleep. Thoughts of my future kept me awake for hours. I wondered if I had made the right choice by staying where I was instead of quitting or if I had just been too stubborn to admit that I had been wrong about the job. It was obvious that I was not in a healthy environment, but I had long excused it as something everyone dealt with so I needed to suck it up.
The money really was better than most other options available. I was working for myself, essentially, and the contract with Torgal had seemed like a brilliant deal when I had originally signed the figurative dotted line. I’d built my ship because I wanted to work the spaceways as a salvager until I could fix the stardrive. Then I had planned to transition into long range tug operations. Both were lucrative fields, but one really had to wonder if working under the conditions that Harvey Kruger imposed was worth the frustration.
My plans to transition to tug work had fallen apart too, since I hadn’t been able to get the parts needed to make the Oxide capable of such feats. With the amount of potential that the frame held, I almost felt like it was wasted by staying put. I was trapped with no easy way out.
Selling out to another company had been an option I had made every effort to avoid. I had never been given anything freely in my life and I had worked hard for everything I had. I didn’t want to give it all up just to work for someone else again. Freedom had always been my goal.
But what was the point of freedom if I had to be alone to achieve it? I always thought that once I could transition, my life would finally begin; but was my current sanity really worth that wait?
Maybe Jay had been right and being stuck in Telemachus really was hurting me more than the money was worth.
I finally reached the conclusion that something needed to give. I refused to give up my dreams of transition, but that didn’t mean I needed to degrade myself to earn the right. That determination resulted in a quickly typed out message to Echo that I was requesting a meeting with her Captain.
There was no reply immediately, but it was easy to assume that she was sleeping considering the time my clock read out. Sleep finally took me well after the starbase official time flipped the date.
The next day started with my alarm going off far too early. My late night thoughts had reduced my sleeping time to an only barely acceptable four hours. I still forced myself to get up and prepare for the day as I always did. Two messages interrupted my routine while I was still getting my morning callisthenics in.
One was from Jay, saying again that he would support me in any way he could. It was well taken and helped strengthen my resolve. The second was from Echo, saying that her father could meet with me later in the day just after noon. I tapped out a thank you and replied that the time was acceptable. I then told her that I was going to be hanging around the station for the day instead of going out on scrap duty.
Instead of further text messages, my holopad alerted me to an incoming call from Echo. Her face was alert and smiling when it appeared on my wall mounted comms screen.
“Hey, I’m not going to be doing much today either. Our ship is just sitting for the time being and basically the entire crew has the day off. There are still some negotiations going on and the captain is still waiting on some estimates to come back from the gate authority people. Want to meet up for some breakfast?
Part of me wanted to be disgusted that she was so bright and perky so early in the morning, but that was largely overshadowed by the feelings that came with seeing Echo again.
“Yeah, I think I would like that. Think you can make it to the section five cafeteria on your own? It's just across the promenade from that joint we ate at the other day.”
Echo blew her cheeks out and seemed to think. “Yeah… I think I can make it there. The lift system should be able to get me to the correct area at least and then I can call again if I get lost from there.”
I smiled. “Alright, nova! I uh, I’ll just get changed real quick and I’ll head out.”
“See you soon!” The line closed and I turned to my closet. I got myself dressed in a casual tunic and happened to catch the sight of myself in the mirror above the vanity nearby as I pulled the pants into place.
All of the thoughts of my future from the night before came rushing back as my appearance burned its way into my mind. If I really was going to push for serious change in my life, did I really want to do that as Soren?
I decided then and there that I was going to tell Echo the truth. If I was even going to think of trying to work for the Ericksons, I wanted them to know who I really was. I just needed to do it without jeopardising the potential of having to stay on the station in case I was unable to sell myself to Captain Marcus.
Determination filling my heart, I left my quarters behind to meet the girl who had started all of those thoughts.
Somehow, Echo had beaten me to the cafeteria and I found her standing near the entrance to the dining area. She caught sight of me as I approached and waved.
“Hey! You neglected to warn me that this place would be this packed! I think we can find a table, but it won’t be easy.”
The opportunity was golden and I took it. I looked around in a token effort to find a table but as she had said, the place was badly crowded. It made me wonder if one of the other cafeterias were closed due to equipment failures again. Such things were, unfortunately, far from an uncommon occurrence on the ageing station.
I looked back at Echo with a questioning glance. “I don’t see any open. If you wouldn’t mind, we can grab some food and then head back to my quarters. They aren’t far and it will definitely be a lot quieter.
Her stunningly blue eyes stared at me. It was obvious her mind was reading deeper than the casual offer had implied. “Alright. Your quarters it is.”
We stood in line for several minutes after that before we were able to approach the serving counter. The cooks looked harried but were keeping up with the demanding crowd admirably. The tray I was finally able to grab held a scoop of glop that was supposedly synthesised eggs and cheese along with a blueberry-flavoured muffin. Echo got the same and I voluntarily bought a cup of coffee for us both when my companion sneakily tapped her cred chip at the register.
To my amusement, when Echo placed her coffee order, it wasn’t the simple black coffee that I usually got but a concoction that was three parts chocolate, one part frothed milk and one part coffee. A chuckle wormed its way out and Echo looked at me with a bit of red tinging her cheeks.
“You got something to say about the way I drink my coffee? Not every spacer likes needing a shovel to dig through the bitter coffee grounds…”
I chuckled again. “No judgement here. I would probably drink like that too if I ever had time to enjoy the flavour. Not much use in getting a good drink to enjoy when you don’t have time to enjoy it.”
She shrugged. “I guess that's fair. To be honest, I used to enjoy black coffee before my visit to the institute. It's the weirdest thing, but the bioforms they provide don’t always perfectly replicate the taste buds. There’s a few things I hated before that taste just fine now. This body can’t stand the bitterness of regular coffee.”
I paused in thought, a look of surprise on my face. “Wow, really? I’ve never heard about that kind of side effect. Every person that has posted something about the process had nothing but good things to say. No one ever mentioned tastes changing.”
“It makes some sense if you think about it,” she replied. “You get transferred to an entirely new body. There's bound to be some differences. I would imagine that most don’t say anything because it's no big deal. Sure, it’s a difference, but not one that really changes anything.”
A hum was my response. “I guess that makes sense.”
Echo nodded again. “That's how I dealt with it, at least. There might be others that did have an issue, but the institute does offer support for anything that is too big a deal for their clients to live with.”
Conversation stalled while we waited for our drinks to be ready. Once we had grabbed them, Echo lifted her tray and motioned at me with it. “As much as I am able to eat while on the move, I think our conversation would be better served with a bit more comfort.”
In full agreement, I told her to follow and led her to the apartment block nearby. The door opened even as we approached, so I knew that Vox must have been paying attention. I still had strong suspicions about the AI despite the test results, but Vox also seemed content to keep the status quo, so I wasn’t going to argue too hard for the time being.
My small couch was just big enough for the two of us to sit comfortably without being in uncomfortably close proximity. To help further, I pulled the coffee table closer so that it was more accessible. Echo was looking around at my home as she entered and sat down. The bare walls and sparse decorations did little to show any personality, but it was comfortable enough.
“Cosy little place you have here,” she said. “Though it's obvious you aren’t one for sentimentality if the lack of personal touch is anything to go by.”
I felt awkward responding to that. The real reason wasn’t something simply said, so I just replied, “Not a whole lot of chance when you spend all your time around the station. It's not like I can afford to travel.”
Echo hmm'd noncommittally and settled into the seat, nibbling at her food. “Food actually isn’t as terrible as I feared.” She chuckled. “Not good, mind you, but not as bad as expected of a cafeteria.”
We ate for a few minutes in relative silence before Echo sat back and turned to face me properly. Her face showed a level of care, though her voice came out with a tone of finality.
“Alright, Soren. I’m not exactly clueless. I’m sure there was a table somewhere we could have found in the cafeteria and even barring that, I’m sure there are a number of places we could have taken our food without coming here. There’s obviously something itching at you. What did you want to talk about?”
I gulped. She had seen through my flimsy excuse and her insight was astute. I had told a grand total of exactly two people about myself. Captain Blackburn’s crew knew only because he had shared (with my permission). Other than him, only Vox knew my chosen name. That didn’t make it easy to spill my heart to what was in all honesty a near stranger.
The memories of the previous night came back to me. I knew I needed to make a change.
This was how I moved forward.
The rest of my conversation with my old mentor went well. We caught up on current events and talked shit about different people we had done business with in the past. When I told him what I had told Kruger in our last meeting, Jay laughed and told me that it was about time I stood up for myself like that.
It was a pleasant talk and I was happy that he was taking me coming out so well. When we had talked previously, he had become quiet and had said little else other than that I was free to be who I wanted to be. I didn’t doubt he still cared for me, but the darker thoughts in my head feared that I had become lesser in his eyes. Due to those fears, I didn’t attempt to call him for nearly two months. This was the first we had talked since. I had missed it.
His full acceptance and eagerness to assist in my transition was a balm to my soul that I hadn’t been completely aware I had even needed. Jay had even passed along some congratulations from some of my old crewmates. At one point the man seemed to darken, mentioning that he had fired one member of his current crew over the situation. He didn’t elaborate on what had happened or what had been said, but he was a more than fair captain. If a crew member had managed to bring the normally cool-tempered captain to anger enough to fire them on the spot, it would’ve been quite the scene.
We closed the call with Jay again affirming that he was proud of what I had accomplished and wanted to see me succeed in life. He also stated a desire to see me at some point soon and stated that he would be calling again once he had some time to travel so that we could organise a small reunion.
Once the call closed I leaned back in my chair. A yawn forced its way out and I looked at the time, only to discover that it was getting incredibly late. My stomach rumbled and I recalled that I also hadn’t eaten. Knowing that I needed to see to my health, I stood and left the workshop. Vox locked up behind me after a quick request.
The main cafeteria I usually went to was closed by the time I got back into the habitation ring, so I instead grabbed a small meal from one of the always open vending machines that were scattered about. It wasn’t very good food, even compared to the cafeteria fare, but it was purpose-made to fulfil the nutrient requirements of a full meal. Perfect for the on the go workman or for an overtired person dragging themselves to bed who couldn't care less about luxuries like flavour.
Despite the fatigue, though, after getting back to my quarters and getting into my bed, I was unable to sleep. Thoughts of my future kept me awake for hours. I wondered if I had made the right choice by staying where I was instead of quitting or if I had just been too stubborn to admit that I had been wrong about the job. It was obvious that I was not in a healthy environment, but I had long excused it as something everyone dealt with so I needed to suck it up.
The money really was better than most other options available. I was working for myself, essentially, and the contract with Torgal had seemed like a brilliant deal when I had originally signed the figurative dotted line. I’d built my ship because I wanted to work the spaceways as a salvager until I could fix the stardrive. Then I had planned to transition into long range tug operations. Both were lucrative fields, but one really had to wonder if working under the conditions that Harvey Kruger imposed was worth the frustration.
My plans to transition to tug work had fallen apart too, since I hadn’t been able to get the parts needed to make the Oxide capable of such feats. With the amount of potential that the frame held, I almost felt like it was wasted by staying put. I was trapped with no easy way out.
Selling out to another company had been an option I had made every effort to avoid. I had never been given anything freely in my life and I had worked hard for everything I had. I didn’t want to give it all up just to work for someone else again. Freedom had always been my goal.
But what was the point of freedom if I had to be alone to achieve it? I always thought that once I could transition, my life would finally begin; but was my current sanity really worth that wait?
Maybe Jay had been right and being stuck in Telemachus really was hurting me more than the money was worth.
I finally reached the conclusion that something needed to give. I refused to give up my dreams of transition, but that didn’t mean I needed to degrade myself to earn the right. That determination resulted in a quickly typed out message to Echo that I was requesting a meeting with her Captain.
There was no reply immediately, but it was easy to assume that she was sleeping considering the time my clock read out. Sleep finally took me well after the starbase official time flipped the date.
The next day started with my alarm going off far too early. My late night thoughts had reduced my sleeping time to an only barely acceptable four hours. I still forced myself to get up and prepare for the day as I always did. Two messages interrupted my routine while I was still getting my morning callisthenics in.
One was from Jay, saying again that he would support me in any way he could. It was well taken and helped strengthen my resolve. The second was from Echo, saying that her father could meet with me later in the day just after noon. I tapped out a thank you and replied that the time was acceptable. I then told her that I was going to be hanging around the station for the day instead of going out on scrap duty.
Instead of further text messages, my holopad alerted me to an incoming call from Echo. Her face was alert and smiling when it appeared on my wall mounted comms screen.
“Hey, I’m not going to be doing much today either. Our ship is just sitting for the time being and basically the entire crew has the day off. There are still some negotiations going on and the captain is still waiting on some estimates to come back from the gate authority people. Want to meet up for some breakfast?
Part of me wanted to be disgusted that she was so bright and perky so early in the morning, but that was largely overshadowed by the feelings that came with seeing Echo again.
“Yeah, I think I would like that. Think you can make it to the section five cafeteria on your own? It's just across the promenade from that joint we ate at the other day.”
Echo blew her cheeks out and seemed to think. “Yeah… I think I can make it there. The lift system should be able to get me to the correct area at least and then I can call again if I get lost from there.”
I smiled. “Alright, nova! I uh, I’ll just get changed real quick and I’ll head out.”
“See you soon!” The line closed and I turned to my closet. I got myself dressed in a casual tunic and happened to catch the sight of myself in the mirror above the vanity nearby as I pulled the pants into place.
All of the thoughts of my future from the night before came rushing back as my appearance burned its way into my mind. If I really was going to push for serious change in my life, did I really want to do that as Soren?
I decided then and there that I was going to tell Echo the truth. If I was even going to think of trying to work for the Ericksons, I wanted them to know who I really was. I just needed to do it without jeopardising the potential of having to stay on the station in case I was unable to sell myself to Captain Marcus.
Determination filling my heart, I left my quarters behind to meet the girl who had started all of those thoughts.
Somehow, Echo had beaten me to the cafeteria and I found her standing near the entrance to the dining area. She caught sight of me as I approached and waved.
“Hey! You neglected to warn me that this place would be this packed! I think we can find a table, but it won’t be easy.”
The opportunity was golden and I took it. I looked around in a token effort to find a table but as she had said, the place was badly crowded. It made me wonder if one of the other cafeterias were closed due to equipment failures again. Such things were, unfortunately, far from an uncommon occurrence on the ageing station.
I looked back at Echo with a questioning glance. “I don’t see any open. If you wouldn’t mind, we can grab some food and then head back to my quarters. They aren’t far and it will definitely be a lot quieter.
Her stunningly blue eyes stared at me. It was obvious her mind was reading deeper than the casual offer had implied. “Alright. Your quarters it is.”
We stood in line for several minutes after that before we were able to approach the serving counter. The cooks looked harried but were keeping up with the demanding crowd admirably. The tray I was finally able to grab held a scoop of glop that was supposedly synthesised eggs and cheese along with a blueberry-flavoured muffin. Echo got the same and I voluntarily bought a cup of coffee for us both when my companion sneakily tapped her cred chip at the register.
To my amusement, when Echo placed her coffee order, it wasn’t the simple black coffee that I usually got but a concoction that was three parts chocolate, one part frothed milk and one part coffee. A chuckle wormed its way out and Echo looked at me with a bit of red tinging her cheeks.
“You got something to say about the way I drink my coffee? Not every spacer likes needing a shovel to dig through the bitter coffee grounds…”
I chuckled again. “No judgement here. I would probably drink like that too if I ever had time to enjoy the flavour. Not much use in getting a good drink to enjoy when you don’t have time to enjoy it.”
She shrugged. “I guess that's fair. To be honest, I used to enjoy black coffee before my visit to the institute. It's the weirdest thing, but the bioforms they provide don’t always perfectly replicate the taste buds. There’s a few things I hated before that taste just fine now. This body can’t stand the bitterness of regular coffee.”
I paused in thought, a look of surprise on my face. “Wow, really? I’ve never heard about that kind of side effect. Every person that has posted something about the process had nothing but good things to say. No one ever mentioned tastes changing.”
“It makes some sense if you think about it,” she replied. “You get transferred to an entirely new body. There's bound to be some differences. I would imagine that most don’t say anything because it's no big deal. Sure, it’s a difference, but not one that really changes anything.”
A hum was my response. “I guess that makes sense.”
Echo nodded again. “That's how I dealt with it, at least. There might be others that did have an issue, but the institute does offer support for anything that is too big a deal for their clients to live with.”
Conversation stalled while we waited for our drinks to be ready. Once we had grabbed them, Echo lifted her tray and motioned at me with it. “As much as I am able to eat while on the move, I think our conversation would be better served with a bit more comfort.”
In full agreement, I told her to follow and led her to the apartment block nearby. The door opened even as we approached, so I knew that Vox must have been paying attention. I still had strong suspicions about the AI despite the test results, but Vox also seemed content to keep the status quo, so I wasn’t going to argue too hard for the time being.
My small couch was just big enough for the two of us to sit comfortably without being in uncomfortably close proximity. To help further, I pulled the coffee table closer so that it was more accessible. Echo was looking around at my home as she entered and sat down. The bare walls and sparse decorations did little to show any personality, but it was comfortable enough.
“Cosy little place you have here,” she said. “Though it's obvious you aren’t one for sentimentality if the lack of personal touch is anything to go by.”
I felt awkward responding to that. The real reason wasn’t something simply said, so I just replied, “Not a whole lot of chance when you spend all your time around the station. It's not like I can afford to travel.”
Echo hmm'd noncommittally and settled into the seat, nibbling at her food. “Food actually isn’t as terrible as I feared.” She chuckled. “Not good, mind you, but not as bad as expected of a cafeteria.”
We ate for a few minutes in relative silence before Echo sat back and turned to face me properly. Her face showed a level of care, though her voice came out with a tone of finality.
“Alright, Soren. I’m not exactly clueless. I’m sure there was a table somewhere we could have found in the cafeteria and even barring that, I’m sure there are a number of places we could have taken our food without coming here. There’s obviously something itching at you. What did you want to talk about?”
I gulped. She had seen through my flimsy excuse and her insight was astute. I had told a grand total of exactly two people about myself. Captain Blackburn’s crew knew only because he had shared (with my permission). Other than him, only Vox knew my chosen name. That didn’t make it easy to spill my heart to what was in all honesty a near stranger.
The memories of the previous night came back to me. I knew I needed to make a change.
This was how I moved forward.
