My eyes snapped open- I twisted my body and leaned my head away from my pillow, from my foggy eyesight, the hazy sight of my bedroom greeted me. Rubbing my eyes, I yawned before pushing myself up. My head felt surprisingly light, like last night was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks and in some sense, maybe it was-
- I groaned and hammered my head against my pillow, the thoughts cleared away and I basked in the feeling of just being… here- my mattress felt soft and I was tempted to just roll around it like a dog finding a sunny spot in a patch of grass.
I knew I didn’t have time for it- enjoy myself I mean- so I… just lay there, staring at the room that my personal maid insisted she personally cleans and maintains.
I lay there, staring at everything in a daze while wearing nothing but a silken nightgown- there was so much to unpack from yesterday that I had trouble processing it all, from the nobles trying to kill me, or maybe get information- paying people to stalk me- whatever it is they wanted to do to…
I felt something warm in the creases of my eyes and I closed them- inhaled a lungful of air and let out a deep, shuddering breath that, for some reason, sounded like a whine to my ears.
… the breakdowns were… also one of the things that happened yesterday and remembering what happened- what almost happened in that forest made me wince.
Idly, my hand went up from the smooth bedsheet and touched my neck, the feeling on my palm was warm and smooth.
I… let my hand stay like that for a while, feeling the heat- life coursing through my neck for what felt like forever.
Then something inside of me snapped and I was suddenly back in the present and out of my self-induced daze.
That- what happened yesterday was a mistake-
I closed my eyes before opening them again.
“It’s fine. Everything is fine. See?” Words echoed inside my head and I believed them- familiar as they are yet distant they may be.
I stared at my bedroom, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I almost killed myself yesterday, “idiot.”
All energy left my body and I slumped down, hitting the pillow I was cuddling- tightly, I relaxed my body when I noticed that, - face first.
My hand crawled up my neck and into my face before settling on top of my eyes- then I squeezed.
“Idiot.” I didn’t know how many times I needed to say it before the feeling of regret disappeared but I’ll continue trying to until it does, “idiot.” I repeated, my grip tightened and the squeeze felt painful as my fingers dug into my eyes.
I pushed past the pain and squeezed even harder until a semblance of heat started going bubbling up beneath my palms, the heat grew until it seeped out of my eyelids and down my cheeks, the hotness dissipating into warmth as it traveled along my skin. The heat went down the sides of my face and I focused on the feeling of it streaking down to my ear as held back a shudder-
I squeezed my eyes harder- see if I could make it stop- see if my crying disappeared into the back of my head-
But no matter what I did, more fire seeped out of my eyes.
“Idiot.”
The tears stopped eventually, and I liked to think it was partially from my effort of squeezing my eyes which in retrospect- especially now that I’m standing in front of my mirror, staring at my tear stricken cheeks and bloodshot eyes, - was a bad idea and I don’t know if I can face everyone else with them looking like… this.
So I didn’t.
I went back to my bed, threw myself on top of the soft, smooth silken sheets, and as lightheadedness came for me, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
I couldn’t.
That was something that I realized quickly and time went on with me just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling while conscious and well aware of the fact that I should get up and start moving but couldn’t.
I let out a sigh, “what do you mean couldn’t?” I murmured to myself while pushing past the haze, it always starts with doing the first step, and in this case, it’s me placing my hand on top of the mattress, after this actually getting up wouldn’t be so hard, “I obviously-” my arms found a burst of strength and I didn’t waste the opportunity, “-can.”
I forced myself up with a groan, “everything is fine,” I said to myself as I jumped out of bed, hoping that my words will help convince my body to start moving and proceed with our morning routine like some sort of self-induced placebo effect, “everything is fine.” I said it again as I walked to the bathroom with the dexterity of a drunken man, “everything is going to be-”
I slipped and fell, somehow not noticing the fact that my towel had somehow fallen from its shelf and on the bathroom floor, as the world around me started to blur from the fall, my hand reached out for the doorframe on its own-
“-FINE!” Everything stopped moving and I stared at the floor, my breathing ragged and the feeling of lightheadedness from waking up being replaced by the aching numbness borne from adrenaline.
I narrowed my eyes, the blue tiles of the bathroom floor were dry, smooth, enough that if someone stepped on top of a, let’s say towel, while unaware of their surroundings, they’d slip and fall.
But that doesn’t typically happen because this place is well maintained and taken care of- thank you, Zath, - so why did my towel fall?
I straightened my legs and peeked into my room, my eyes scanned the furniture one by one and I noticed that nothing changed as far as I was aware… my eyes stopped at the mirror I was facing moments prior, looking for clues and ripples on the reflection and I found nothing- there were no smidges, odd angles, or bent shapes on the reflection and by all means, it was just a mirror.
But I should probably replace it just in case an Envy Demon somehow managed to infect it, because if it did then it’s only going to take weeks before my furniture starts growing eyes that follow me around.
“I should probably buy a Holy Silver locket as well,” I nodded to myself as I said that, something to stave off infection- if this tower doesn’t have that already, - is a good idea, “yep, I’m gonna do just that,”
Even after everything, I wasn’t afraid of some Envy Demon waiting for me in Ambush and I went inside my bathroom and proceeded to wash my face.
I changed out of my nightgown and waited in my room for a bit and when I was sure that my eyes no longer looked bloodshot, I walked out expecting that my friends will be there to greet me but quickly realized that thanks to my (small) mental breakdown after I woke up, I haven’t checked on the time.
And the time was still early and no one- not even Laceresta, who wakes up around 4:30 to start her morning training, - is up yet.
Looking at the clock got me to sigh, “great, it’s- it’s still 3 o clock,” well, it’s close to 4 but still, this is way too early…
You know what? I’m fine with it, I’ll take advantage of it even.
I headed for the gym and the gravity well attached to it. The door closed behind me softly while I was dazedly staring at the gravity well’s dial, and after a bit of contemplation, I rotated it until the pressure was 4x more than my previous.
I had a hard time walking to the treadmill but I did eventually reach it, as I started my warm up, I promised myself that I’ll take a nap during class later today to make up for everything.
…
“Neophyte, you don’t look okay.” Fafnir said while staring me down, she had her hands on her hips and wore the same old tired expression that she typically does every time she’s worried about me, “what time did you wake up?”
I stopped blending the herbs and faced her before quickly averting my eyes, okay, either I lie here or-
“3 o clock- but- but- you don’t have to worry because it was around 3:45 or so,” I smiled, hoping that the whirring of the blender was more than enough to drown out my answer. It probably wasn’t, especially if the sigh that followed is to go by, I grinned at Fafnir, “I swear I’m okay though!”
I turned off the blender and went on to pour myself a cup of freshly mixed herbs, most of which were meant to boost my energy, I didn’t really need anything related to muscle growth, my body was more than efficient enough to do that by itself- and my physique is one of the many reasons why I think that pushing myself so early in the day should be fine.
Sadly, Fafnir wasn’t convinced, “what you did was unhealthy,” she said and I shrugged in reply, “stop drinking that and actually talk to me- is something bothering you?”
… I stopped gulping down the blended herbs and shook my head, I wiped my mouth, “no,” I lied, not wanting to drag anyone into my problems, they’ve already helped enough and well, Fafnir also has a problem of her own and I want her to focus on that, too.
I looked her up and down and fought back the urge to let out a sigh, I know she isn’t showing it (probably because of her pride as a Dragon,) but I know she’s bothered by what happened to her back then.
She had no one to talk to and Dragons are just as intelligent as humans (if not more, on account that they live longer compared to the average person,) so she should have problems thanks to what happened but… she doesn’t really look like it, doesn’t she?
“You shouldn’t worry about me,” I smiled while wondering how I could breach the subject of her life in the stables to her, if not now then tomorrow, and if not then a week from now- I need to breach it and talk to her about her problems the same way she usually does with me.
I gave her my best smile, “I’m fine, I promise.”
“I believe you-” she nodded, “but… fine,” she sighed before walking up and giving me a tight hug, “take care of yourself, okay?”
“I will,” I replied while wrapping one arm around her shoulders, “Thanks.”
“If you’re really grateful, then start by taking care of yourself,” she tigthened the hug. “Please.”
“I will, I promise,” I giggled- then my small feelings of happiness turned into solemn yet worried melancholy at the thought of Fafnir bottling up her own emotions, “you should take care of yourself too,”
“I will.” She replied, “I promise,”
Was it a lie? I would lie in this situation- my train of thought stopped when Fafnir’s armored body pressed itself harder against me, enough that her scales creaked, “are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes.” She replied.
I decided to believe her.
…
“I-”
Standing here in front of my friends made me realize just how much of an uphill battle I’m fighting when it comes to confessing all of my worries to them. And I mean sure, what I’m about to say to them is basically the biggest secret I have- next to my reincarnation at least, - but- but-
Goddamnit. This has been a long time coming-
Time shouldn’t be wasted anymore.
I sucked in a deep breath and held it in while Fafnir and the rest gave me an encouraging smile, “okay uh-” I stopped and a part of me whispered that this is a bad idea- I pushed that part down and quickly uttered what I wanted to say before I lose my confidence, “Lucille is the Hero.”
“Ha?” Laceresta asked aggressively but a bit of confusion did seep into her tone, “what do you mean Lucille?”
“Our classmate? Her?” Zath asked and I nodded. Slowly. She narrowed her eyes and fixed her glasses, “I thought the Hero is dead?”
“He is,” I replied, “at least the first one but a new one rose up and-”
“How? How is she here?” Laceresta asked and I met her eyes- wait I thought she already knew? About all this? Didn’t she say that we’re going to make history on our first night here? That the Hero didn’t have to sacrifice themselves?
“I don’t know,” I answered, not even I have anything to say to that- the game has never said anything about there being two heroes in a single generation and I’m as clueless as everyone else when it comes to this entire thing.
“So there’s a new Hero?” I nodded at Laceresta, “that’s good.”
I blinked, entirely caught off guard, “what?”
“It’s good.” The Lioness repeated, “we now have a better chance at fighting the Demon Lord.”
“I-I guess?” I stuttered in reply, “but aren’t you all mad that I kept it as a secret from all of you?”
“Why?” The Lioness was the one who replied again, and she sounded really confused this time around, more than when she asked about the second Hero of our generation, “who cares? Nothing bad happened because of it and you are telling us about it now so what’s the big deal?”
“I-” paused.
… she did have a point didn’t she? Nothing bad happened because I kept it secret and I am telling them about it now…
I nodded and smiled, “you’re right,” I replied easily, guess Laceresta can be pretty insightful sometimes too- a fact that I knew about already after our talk sometime back, “thanks,”
A sigh of relief escaped my lips and I smiled, “really, thank you,”
Guess everything went well in the end and I didn’t make another mistake, I should do this more often- not saying things and just standing back in the sidelines I mean, since everyone around me have minds of their own- who are also competent, not to mention, - and capable of making their own decisions, I don’t think it’s a bad thing if I… rely on them.
Yeah.
Like I always have.
I shakily made my way onto the couch everyone was sitting on and when I got there, I… slumped- the energy leaving my body as I let myself relax, knowing full well that even if everyone doesn’t know the things I do, they can still make their own decisions and do what’s best with the things they know, no matter how little or unimportant.
And I guess I have to start doing that too- start reacting to things, no matter how new or how alien they are to me and my knowledge.
Chief among them would be the political stuff that’s been bothering me for a day now- I don’t know what to do with it but like I thought the first time, I can always learn how to, this world is more than just a game now- there’s so much more to it-
I closed my eyes.
Adamantite… I’m definitely going to have to talk to him at some point- today, actually- no- this morning- later- I’d let Laceresta and everyone else leave and then wait out in the lobby for him.
He’ll come. Definitely.
And I hope after that things will go back to normal but that’s probably not going to happen. I’m starting to think that the butterflies that I’m creating- have been creating are starting to show themselves, slowly but definitely.
I’ll deal with them as they come but for now, I closed my eyes and decided that now is the time to let myself relax, and prepare for the rest of the day mentally while everyone else is cleaning themselves.
My eyes snapped open- I twisted my body and leaned my head away from my pillow, from my foggy eyesight, the hazy sight of my bedroom greeted me. Rubbing my eyes, I yawned before pushing myself up. My head felt surprisingly light, like last night was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks and in some sense, maybe it was-
- I groaned and hammered my head against my pillow, the thoughts cleared away and I basked in the feeling of just being… here- my mattress felt soft and I was tempted to just roll around it like a dog finding a sunny spot in a patch of grass.
I knew I didn’t have time for it- enjoy myself I mean- so I… just lay there, staring at the room that my personal maid insisted she personally cleans and maintains.
I lay there, staring at everything in a daze while wearing nothing but a silken nightgown- there was so much to unpack from yesterday that I had trouble processing it all, from the nobles trying to kill me, or maybe get information- paying people to stalk me- whatever it is they wanted to do to…
I felt something warm in the creases of my eyes and I closed them- inhaled a lungful of air and let out a deep, shuddering breath that, for some reason, sounded like a whine to my ears.
… the breakdowns were… also one of the things that happened yesterday and remembering what happened- what almost happened in that forest made me wince.
Idly, my hand went up from the smooth bedsheet and touched my neck, the feeling on my palm was warm and smooth.
I… let my hand stay like that for a while, feeling the heat- life coursing through my neck for what felt like forever.
Then something inside of me snapped and I was suddenly back in the present and out of my self-induced daze.
That- what happened yesterday was a mistake-
I closed my eyes before opening them again.
“It’s fine. Everything is fine. See?” Words echoed inside my head and I believed them- familiar as they are yet distant they may be.
I stared at my bedroom, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I almost killed myself yesterday, “idiot.”
All energy left my body and I slumped down, hitting the pillow I was cuddling- tightly, I relaxed my body when I noticed that, - face first.
My hand crawled up my neck and into my face before settling on top of my eyes- then I squeezed.
“Idiot.” I didn’t know how many times I needed to say it before the feeling of regret disappeared but I’ll continue trying to until it does, “idiot.” I repeated, my grip tightened and the squeeze felt painful as my fingers dug into my eyes.
I pushed past the pain and squeezed even harder until a semblance of heat started going bubbling up beneath my palms, the heat grew until it seeped out of my eyelids and down my cheeks, the hotness dissipating into warmth as it traveled along my skin. The heat went down the sides of my face and I focused on the feeling of it streaking down to my ear as held back a shudder-
I squeezed my eyes harder- see if I could make it stop- see if my crying disappeared into the back of my head-
But no matter what I did, more fire seeped out of my eyes.
“Idiot.”
The tears stopped eventually, and I liked to think it was partially from my effort of squeezing my eyes which in retrospect- especially now that I’m standing in front of my mirror, staring at my tear stricken cheeks and bloodshot eyes, - was a bad idea and I don’t know if I can face everyone else with them looking like… this.
So I didn’t.
I went back to my bed, threw myself on top of the soft, smooth silken sheets, and as lightheadedness came for me, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
I couldn’t.
That was something that I realized quickly and time went on with me just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling while conscious and well aware of the fact that I should get up and start moving but couldn’t.
I let out a sigh, “what do you mean couldn’t?” I murmured to myself while pushing past the haze, it always starts with doing the first step, and in this case, it’s me placing my hand on top of the mattress, after this actually getting up wouldn’t be so hard, “I obviously-” my arms found a burst of strength and I didn’t waste the opportunity, “-can.”
I forced myself up with a groan, “everything is fine,” I said to myself as I jumped out of bed, hoping that my words will help convince my body to start moving and proceed with our morning routine like some sort of self-induced placebo effect, “everything is fine.” I said it again as I walked to the bathroom with the dexterity of a drunken man, “everything is going to be-”
I slipped and fell, somehow not noticing the fact that my towel had somehow fallen from its shelf and on the bathroom floor, as the world around me started to blur from the fall, my hand reached out for the doorframe on its own-
“-FINE!” Everything stopped moving and I stared at the floor, my breathing ragged and the feeling of lightheadedness from waking up being replaced by the aching numbness borne from adrenaline.
I narrowed my eyes, the blue tiles of the bathroom floor were dry, smooth, enough that if someone stepped on top of a, let’s say towel, while unaware of their surroundings, they’d slip and fall.
But that doesn’t typically happen because this place is well maintained and taken care of- thank you, Zath, - so why did my towel fall?
I straightened my legs and peeked into my room, my eyes scanned the furniture one by one and I noticed that nothing changed as far as I was aware… my eyes stopped at the mirror I was facing moments prior, looking for clues and ripples on the reflection and I found nothing- there were no smidges, odd angles, or bent shapes on the reflection and by all means, it was just a mirror.
But I should probably replace it just in case an Envy Demon somehow managed to infect it, because if it did then it’s only going to take weeks before my furniture starts growing eyes that follow me around.
“I should probably buy a Holy Silver locket as well,” I nodded to myself as I said that, something to stave off infection- if this tower doesn’t have that already, - is a good idea, “yep, I’m gonna do just that,”
Even after everything, I wasn’t afraid of some Envy Demon waiting for me in Ambush and I went inside my bathroom and proceeded to wash my face.
I changed out of my nightgown and waited in my room for a bit and when I was sure that my eyes no longer looked bloodshot, I walked out expecting that my friends will be there to greet me but quickly realized that thanks to my (small) mental breakdown after I woke up, I haven’t checked on the time.
And the time was still early and no one- not even Laceresta, who wakes up around 4:30 to start her morning training, - is up yet.
Looking at the clock got me to sigh, “great, it’s- it’s still 3 o clock,” well, it’s close to 4 but still, this is way too early…
You know what? I’m fine with it, I’ll take advantage of it even.
I headed for the gym and the gravity well attached to it. The door closed behind me softly while I was dazedly staring at the gravity well’s dial, and after a bit of contemplation, I rotated it until the pressure was 4x more than my previous.
I had a hard time walking to the treadmill but I did eventually reach it, as I started my warm up, I promised myself that I’ll take a nap during class later today to make up for everything.
…
“Neophyte, you don’t look okay.” Fafnir said while staring me down, she had her hands on her hips and wore the same old tired expression that she typically does every time she’s worried about me, “what time did you wake up?”
I stopped blending the herbs and faced her before quickly averting my eyes, okay, either I lie here or-
“3 o clock- but- but- you don’t have to worry because it was around 3:45 or so,” I smiled, hoping that the whirring of the blender was more than enough to drown out my answer. It probably wasn’t, especially if the sigh that followed is to go by, I grinned at Fafnir, “I swear I’m okay though!”
I turned off the blender and went on to pour myself a cup of freshly mixed herbs, most of which were meant to boost my energy, I didn’t really need anything related to muscle growth, my body was more than efficient enough to do that by itself- and my physique is one of the many reasons why I think that pushing myself so early in the day should be fine.
Sadly, Fafnir wasn’t convinced, “what you did was unhealthy,” she said and I shrugged in reply, “stop drinking that and actually talk to me- is something bothering you?”
… I stopped gulping down the blended herbs and shook my head, I wiped my mouth, “no,” I lied, not wanting to drag anyone into my problems, they’ve already helped enough and well, Fafnir also has a problem of her own and I want her to focus on that, too.
I looked her up and down and fought back the urge to let out a sigh, I know she isn’t showing it (probably because of her pride as a Dragon,) but I know she’s bothered by what happened to her back then.
She had no one to talk to and Dragons are just as intelligent as humans (if not more, on account that they live longer compared to the average person,) so she should have problems thanks to what happened but… she doesn’t really look like it, doesn’t she?
“You shouldn’t worry about me,” I smiled while wondering how I could breach the subject of her life in the stables to her, if not now then tomorrow, and if not then a week from now- I need to breach it and talk to her about her problems the same way she usually does with me.
I gave her my best smile, “I’m fine, I promise.”
“I believe you-” she nodded, “but… fine,” she sighed before walking up and giving me a tight hug, “take care of yourself, okay?”
“I will,” I replied while wrapping one arm around her shoulders, “Thanks.”
“If you’re really grateful, then start by taking care of yourself,” she tigthened the hug. “Please.”
“I will, I promise,” I giggled- then my small feelings of happiness turned into solemn yet worried melancholy at the thought of Fafnir bottling up her own emotions, “you should take care of yourself too,”
“I will.” She replied, “I promise,”
Was it a lie? I would lie in this situation- my train of thought stopped when Fafnir’s armored body pressed itself harder against me, enough that her scales creaked, “are you okay?” I asked.
“Yes.” She replied.
I decided to believe her.
…
“I-”
Standing here in front of my friends made me realize just how much of an uphill battle I’m fighting when it comes to confessing all of my worries to them. And I mean sure, what I’m about to say to them is basically the biggest secret I have- next to my reincarnation at least, - but- but-
Goddamnit. This has been a long time coming-
Time shouldn’t be wasted anymore.
I sucked in a deep breath and held it in while Fafnir and the rest gave me an encouraging smile, “okay uh-” I stopped and a part of me whispered that this is a bad idea- I pushed that part down and quickly uttered what I wanted to say before I lose my confidence, “Lucille is the Hero.”
“Ha?” Laceresta asked aggressively but a bit of confusion did seep into her tone, “what do you mean Lucille?”
“Our classmate? Her?” Zath asked and I nodded. Slowly. She narrowed her eyes and fixed her glasses, “I thought the Hero is dead?”
“He is,” I replied, “at least the first one but a new one rose up and-”
“How? How is she here?” Laceresta asked and I met her eyes- wait I thought she already knew? About all this? Didn’t she say that we’re going to make history on our first night here? That the Hero didn’t have to sacrifice themselves?
“I don’t know,” I answered, not even I have anything to say to that- the game has never said anything about there being two heroes in a single generation and I’m as clueless as everyone else when it comes to this entire thing.
“So there’s a new Hero?” I nodded at Laceresta, “that’s good.”
I blinked, entirely caught off guard, “what?”
“It’s good.” The Lioness repeated, “we now have a better chance at fighting the Demon Lord.”
“I-I guess?” I stuttered in reply, “but aren’t you all mad that I kept it as a secret from all of you?”
“Why?” The Lioness was the one who replied again, and she sounded really confused this time around, more than when she asked about the second Hero of our generation, “who cares? Nothing bad happened because of it and you are telling us about it now so what’s the big deal?”
“I-” paused.
… she did have a point didn’t she? Nothing bad happened because I kept it secret and I am telling them about it now…
I nodded and smiled, “you’re right,” I replied easily, guess Laceresta can be pretty insightful sometimes too- a fact that I knew about already after our talk sometime back, “thanks,”
A sigh of relief escaped my lips and I smiled, “really, thank you,”
Guess everything went well in the end and I didn’t make another mistake, I should do this more often- not saying things and just standing back in the sidelines I mean, since everyone around me have minds of their own- who are also competent, not to mention, - and capable of making their own decisions, I don’t think it’s a bad thing if I… rely on them.
Yeah.
Like I always have.
I shakily made my way onto the couch everyone was sitting on and when I got there, I… slumped- the energy leaving my body as I let myself relax, knowing full well that even if everyone doesn’t know the things I do, they can still make their own decisions and do what’s best with the things they know, no matter how little or unimportant.
And I guess I have to start doing that too- start reacting to things, no matter how new or how alien they are to me and my knowledge.
Chief among them would be the political stuff that’s been bothering me for a day now- I don’t know what to do with it but like I thought the first time, I can always learn how to, this world is more than just a game now- there’s so much more to it-
I closed my eyes.
Adamantite… I’m definitely going to have to talk to him at some point- today, actually- no- this morning- later- I’d let Laceresta and everyone else leave and then wait out in the lobby for him.
He’ll come. Definitely.
And I hope after that things will go back to normal but that’s probably not going to happen. I’m starting to think that the butterflies that I’m creating- have been creating are starting to show themselves, slowly but definitely.
I’ll deal with them as they come but for now, I closed my eyes and decided that now is the time to let myself relax, and prepare for the rest of the day mentally while everyone else is cleaning themselves.
