Chapter 170: 169 – A Win Win Situation
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While their family members, blood related or otherwise, were having a discussion downstairs, Fang had carried off Ren to their study (since the babies were still sleeping in their bedroom) and was pulling off Ren's pyjama top.
Ren was quite amused by Fang's actions. "There really is no need to panic," he said with a slight smile.
Fang glared at him. "If you don't want me to panic, then you have to be as tough as a wall," he murmured. "No, as tough as steel!"
"Wouldn't your nose hurt every time you bumped against me, then?" Ren asked with a laugh.
Fang glared at him, and finally succeeded in removing Ren's top. He sucked in a sharp breath when he saw finger shaped bruises on Ren's pale shoulders – stark in contrast to his light skin.
Tears pooled in Fang's eyes again. "I – I did this…?" he whispered. "I hurt you…"
"It's all right, I didn't even notice, and it doesn't hurt," Ren lied in a rush – he really hated to see Fang cry like this.
"It's not all right!" Fang cried. "Ren – I know I am slow and stupid when it comes to our relationship, but you have to let me know when I hurt you, because I never, ever want to hurt you! You have to push me away, throw me off, slap me, kick me – do whatever you want, Ren, but please, please, please don't let me hurt you ever again! I can't live with it!" He looked utterly miserable.
Ren sighed helplessly. "It's not like you meant to hurt me, right?" he said softly.
"It doesn't matter whether I meant it or not!" Fang cried, tears dripping down his face. "The fact is that I hurt you, and that is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of whether I meant to or not! I can't be allowed to hurt you! No one is allowed to hurt you! Not anyone on the outside, not me, not even you yourself!"
A part of the weight that had been weighing on Ren's heart since he had heard Princess Una's words a little while ago was lifted when he heard Fang's words.
"I want to protect you," Fang said miserably. "I am so desperate to protect you and to keep you safe, and yet I am always the one that ends up hurting you, directly or indirectly. And I am so selfish that I can't even bear the thought of letting you go or breaking up with you…" He fell to his knees in front of Ren and wrapped his arms around Ren's legs. "Ren, I don't know what to do…" he sobbed miserably. "Will you teach me how to take care of you? Will you let me stay with you? Will you be able to forgive me…? I'll do whatever you want, whatever you say – just, just don't leave me, don't send me away, don't hate me…!"
Ren sighed, all the doubts that had propped up in his mind earlier fading away for the moment. He would probably need to have a longer conversation with Fang at some point, though. It wasn't healthy for either of them to be walking on egg shells around the other one like this.
Ren ran his fingers through Fang's fine dark hair in gentle movements until the younger man calmed down a bit.
"How could I bear to hate my precious little darling?" Ren asked softly, caressing Fang's face and wiping away his tears with a gentle swipe of his thumbs. "Don't speak nonsense, all right?"
"I'm sorry," Fang whispered. "I'm always hurting you…"
Ren sighed. "Aren't you overreacting, Fang? It's just that my skin bruises easily – it's not like you beat me up or anything," he murmured.
Fang froze. "Is your expectation of me so low as a partner that you think it's fine if I'm not actively beating you up?" he murmured in a strange voice. "Have I been that bad a partner…?"
"Of course not," Ren said firmly. "Don't talk nonsense."
"But your expectations from me really are so low as to be non existent, aren't they, Ren…?" Fang asked in a whisper – finally understanding what his older sister had been trying to say as realisation dawned upon him. Ren's non existent expectations from Fang – wasn't that Fang's own doing? What had he ever done that would lead Ren to expect more? What he had taken as Ren's increasing acceptance of him – wasn't it a failure on Fang's part to treat his partner properly? When was the last time Ren and Fang had actually argued about anything? These days – didn't Ren simply acquiesce to whatever Fang wanted, no matter what it was? It was as if Ren had resigned himself to the fact that he shouldn't expect anything from Fang any more, and if Fang did do something for him, then that would be a great cause for happiness for Ren. Even something as simple as a birthday gift, or a birthday party – Ren wasn't even expecting this much from Fang, and Fang had not even realised this until now how wrong it was.
A sudden fear seized Fang's heart. The fact that Ren wasn't expecting anything from him any more – what did that mean? Had Ren given up on him? If Ren had given up on him, then – then didn't it mean that Ren might leave him…? Even if Ren didn't want to leave him right now and still cared so much for him – how long could it continue like this? Wouldn't Ren's spark fizzle out like this? Or worse – wouldn't Ren end up giving up everything of himself for Fang's sake and then disappear? And if Ren disappeared, then what would be Fang left with? Was there anything more precious than Ren in Fang's life?
Ren saw that Fang's entire body was starting to tremble violently again.
Ren didn't know what was causing Fang so much distress, but he felt upset when he saw his fiancé like this.
"What's wrong, Fang?" he asked softly, kneeling on the floor next to Fang.
Fang trembled all over and couldn't bring himself to look at Ren. "I'm scared," he whispered. "I'm scared that you will realise how horrible I am and then you will leave me…"
Ren sighed and shook his head and stood up, and then pulled Fang up to his feet as well. Then he hugged Fang. "Don't be afraid, my darling," he said softly. "And don't think of nonsensical stuff like this. I love you very much and I am not leaving you."
"But I haven't been a good partner to you…" Fang murmured.
Ren pinched his cheeks. "That's for me to decide, isn't it? I'm your partner, so it is my prerogative to decide whether you are a good partner for me or not, right?" he demanded.
Fang blinked and then nodded.
"So, since it is my decision to make, why are you putting imaginary and unnecessary words into my mouth?" Ren asked crossly.
"But I hurt you!" Fang cried. "What decent partner hurts the one they love the most?!"
Ren sighed. "All right, so you made a mistake, yes?" he asked.
Fang nodded.
"So now you can correct it," Ren pointed out. "Now heal my shoulders and give me a proper shoulder massage for 60 minutes, and we will consider that to be your punishment for your mistake."
Fang blinked. "That's all?" he murmured.
Ren raised his eyebrows and pinched Fang's cheeks playfully. "What, that's not enough? When did my little darling become such a glutton for punishment? Well, if you think that's not enough, I might make you give me a shoulder massage every day for the rest of my life!" he teased.
Fang nodded seriously. "That is better," he said, feeling better. "I will massage your shoulders every day for the rest of our lives!" Relief pooled in his worried heart, finally. If he and Ren had this promise, if Fang was supposed to give Ren a shoulder massage every single day for the rest of their lives – didn't that mean that the two of them were going to be together for the rest of their lives, and that Ren had no intentions of driving Fang away? And now that Fang knew where he had gone wrong, he would take steps to correct it, and soon enough in the future, he would be the one pampering Ren to his heart's content instead of the other way round! He couldn't wait for that day to come, when Ren would recline on the couch lazily like Snow often did, and act like a spoilt prince and demand things from Fang, and then Fang would get everything for his beloved Ren, and the two of them would lead a blissful, contented life!
Ren was taken aback by Fang's enthusiasm about the task of massaging his shoulders, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Fang was happy again, and Ren got a free massage out of it – so it was a win win situation, wasn't it?
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While their family members, blood related or otherwise, were having a discussion downstairs, Fang had carried off Ren to their study (since the babies were still sleeping in their bedroom) and was pulling off Ren's pyjama top.
Ren was quite amused by Fang's actions. "There really is no need to panic," he said with a slight smile.
Fang glared at him. "If you don't want me to panic, then you have to be as tough as a wall," he murmured. "No, as tough as steel!"
"Wouldn't your nose hurt every time you bumped against me, then?" Ren asked with a laugh.
Fang glared at him, and finally succeeded in removing Ren's top. He sucked in a sharp breath when he saw finger shaped bruises on Ren's pale shoulders – stark in contrast to his light skin.
Tears pooled in Fang's eyes again. "I – I did this…?" he whispered. "I hurt you…"
"It's all right, I didn't even notice, and it doesn't hurt," Ren lied in a rush – he really hated to see Fang cry like this.
"It's not all right!" Fang cried. "Ren – I know I am slow and stupid when it comes to our relationship, but you have to let me know when I hurt you, because I never, ever want to hurt you! You have to push me away, throw me off, slap me, kick me – do whatever you want, Ren, but please, please, please don't let me hurt you ever again! I can't live with it!" He looked utterly miserable.
Ren sighed helplessly. "It's not like you meant to hurt me, right?" he said softly.
"It doesn't matter whether I meant it or not!" Fang cried, tears dripping down his face. "The fact is that I hurt you, and that is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of whether I meant to or not! I can't be allowed to hurt you! No one is allowed to hurt you! Not anyone on the outside, not me, not even you yourself!"
A part of the weight that had been weighing on Ren's heart since he had heard Princess Una's words a little while ago was lifted when he heard Fang's words.
"I want to protect you," Fang said miserably. "I am so desperate to protect you and to keep you safe, and yet I am always the one that ends up hurting you, directly or indirectly. And I am so selfish that I can't even bear the thought of letting you go or breaking up with you…" He fell to his knees in front of Ren and wrapped his arms around Ren's legs. "Ren, I don't know what to do…" he sobbed miserably. "Will you teach me how to take care of you? Will you let me stay with you? Will you be able to forgive me…? I'll do whatever you want, whatever you say – just, just don't leave me, don't send me away, don't hate me…!"
Ren sighed, all the doubts that had propped up in his mind earlier fading away for the moment. He would probably need to have a longer conversation with Fang at some point, though. It wasn't healthy for either of them to be walking on egg shells around the other one like this.
Ren ran his fingers through Fang's fine dark hair in gentle movements until the younger man calmed down a bit.
"How could I bear to hate my precious little darling?" Ren asked softly, caressing Fang's face and wiping away his tears with a gentle swipe of his thumbs. "Don't speak nonsense, all right?"
"I'm sorry," Fang whispered. "I'm always hurting you…"
Ren sighed. "Aren't you overreacting, Fang? It's just that my skin bruises easily – it's not like you beat me up or anything," he murmured.
Fang froze. "Is your expectation of me so low as a partner that you think it's fine if I'm not actively beating you up?" he murmured in a strange voice. "Have I been that bad a partner…?"
"Of course not," Ren said firmly. "Don't talk nonsense."
"But your expectations from me really are so low as to be non existent, aren't they, Ren…?" Fang asked in a whisper – finally understanding what his older sister had been trying to say as realisation dawned upon him. Ren's non existent expectations from Fang – wasn't that Fang's own doing? What had he ever done that would lead Ren to expect more? What he had taken as Ren's increasing acceptance of him – wasn't it a failure on Fang's part to treat his partner properly? When was the last time Ren and Fang had actually argued about anything? These days – didn't Ren simply acquiesce to whatever Fang wanted, no matter what it was? It was as if Ren had resigned himself to the fact that he shouldn't expect anything from Fang any more, and if Fang did do something for him, then that would be a great cause for happiness for Ren. Even something as simple as a birthday gift, or a birthday party – Ren wasn't even expecting this much from Fang, and Fang had not even realised this until now how wrong it was.
A sudden fear seized Fang's heart. The fact that Ren wasn't expecting anything from him any more – what did that mean? Had Ren given up on him? If Ren had given up on him, then – then didn't it mean that Ren might leave him…? Even if Ren didn't want to leave him right now and still cared so much for him – how long could it continue like this? Wouldn't Ren's spark fizzle out like this? Or worse – wouldn't Ren end up giving up everything of himself for Fang's sake and then disappear? And if Ren disappeared, then what would be Fang left with? Was there anything more precious than Ren in Fang's life?
Ren saw that Fang's entire body was starting to tremble violently again.
Ren didn't know what was causing Fang so much distress, but he felt upset when he saw his fiancé like this.
"What's wrong, Fang?" he asked softly, kneeling on the floor next to Fang.
Fang trembled all over and couldn't bring himself to look at Ren. "I'm scared," he whispered. "I'm scared that you will realise how horrible I am and then you will leave me…"
Ren sighed and shook his head and stood up, and then pulled Fang up to his feet as well. Then he hugged Fang. "Don't be afraid, my darling," he said softly. "And don't think of nonsensical stuff like this. I love you very much and I am not leaving you."
"But I haven't been a good partner to you…" Fang murmured.
Ren pinched his cheeks. "That's for me to decide, isn't it? I'm your partner, so it is my prerogative to decide whether you are a good partner for me or not, right?" he demanded.
Fang blinked and then nodded.
"So, since it is my decision to make, why are you putting imaginary and unnecessary words into my mouth?" Ren asked crossly.
"But I hurt you!" Fang cried. "What decent partner hurts the one they love the most?!"
Ren sighed. "All right, so you made a mistake, yes?" he asked.
Fang nodded.
"So now you can correct it," Ren pointed out. "Now heal my shoulders and give me a proper shoulder massage for 60 minutes, and we will consider that to be your punishment for your mistake."
Fang blinked. "That's all?" he murmured.
Ren raised his eyebrows and pinched Fang's cheeks playfully. "What, that's not enough? When did my little darling become such a glutton for punishment? Well, if you think that's not enough, I might make you give me a shoulder massage every day for the rest of my life!" he teased.
Fang nodded seriously. "That is better," he said, feeling better. "I will massage your shoulders every day for the rest of our lives!" Relief pooled in his worried heart, finally. If he and Ren had this promise, if Fang was supposed to give Ren a shoulder massage every single day for the rest of their lives – didn't that mean that the two of them were going to be together for the rest of their lives, and that Ren had no intentions of driving Fang away? And now that Fang knew where he had gone wrong, he would take steps to correct it, and soon enough in the future, he would be the one pampering Ren to his heart's content instead of the other way round! He couldn't wait for that day to come, when Ren would recline on the couch lazily like Snow often did, and act like a spoilt prince and demand things from Fang, and then Fang would get everything for his beloved Ren, and the two of them would lead a blissful, contented life!
Ren was taken aback by Fang's enthusiasm about the task of massaging his shoulders, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Fang was happy again, and Ren got a free massage out of it – so it was a win win situation, wasn't it?
While their family members, blood related or otherwise, were having a discussion downstairs, Fang had carried off Ren to their study since the babies were still sleeping in their bedroom and was pulling off Ren's pyjama top.Ren was quite amused by Fang's actions. "There really is no need to panic," he said with a slight smile.Fang glared at him. "If you don't want me to panic, then you have to be as tough as a wall," he murmured. "No, as tough as steel!""Wouldn't your nose hurt every time you bumped against me, then?" Ren asked with a laugh.Fang glared at him, and finally succeeded in removing Ren's top. He sucked in a sharp breath when he saw finger shaped bruises on Ren's pale shoulders stark in contrast to his light skin.Tears pooled in Fang's eyes again. "I I did this?" he whispered. "I hurt you""It's all right, I didn't even notice, and it doesn't hurt," Ren lied in a rush he really hated to see Fang cry like this."It's not all right!" Fang cried. "Ren I know I am slow and stupid when it comes to our relationship, but you have to let me know when I hurt you, because I never, ever want to hurt you! You have to push me away, throw me off, slap me, kick me do whatever you want, Ren, but please, please, please don't let me hurt you ever again! I can't live with it!" He looked utterly miserable.Ren sighed helplessly. "It's not like you meant to hurt me, right?" he said softly."It doesn't matter whether I meant it or not!" Fang cried, tears dripping down his face. "The fact is that I hurt you, and that is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of whether I meant to or not! I can't be allowed to hurt you! No one is allowed to hurt you! Not anyone on the outside, not me, not even you yourself!"A part of the weight that had been weighing on Ren's heart since he had heard Princess Una's words a little while ago was lifted when he heard Fang's words."I want to protect you," Fang said miserably. "I am so desperate to protect you and to keep you safe, and yet I am always the one that ends up hurting you, directly or indirectly. And I am so selfish that I can't even bear the thought of letting you go or breaking up with you" He fell to his knees in front of Ren and wrapped his arms around Ren's legs. "Ren, I don't know what to do" he sobbed miserably. "Will you teach me how to take care of you? Will you let me stay with you? Will you be able to forgive me? I'll do whatever you want, whatever you say just, just don't leave me, don't send me away, don't hate me!"Ren sighed, all the doubts that had propped up in his mind earlier fading away for the moment. He would probably need to have a longer conversation with Fang at some point, though. It wasn't healthy for either of them to be walking on egg shells around the other one like this.Ren ran his fingers through Fang's fine dark hair in gentle movements until the younger man calmed down a bit."How could I bear to hate my precious little darling?" Ren asked softly, caressing Fang's face and wiping away his tears with a gentle swipe of his thumbs. "Don't speak nonsense, all right?""I'm sorry," Fang whispered. "I'm always hurting you"Ren sighed. "Aren't you overreacting, Fang? It's just that my skin bruises easily it's not like you beat me up or anything," he murmured.Fang froze. "Is your expectation of me so low as a partner that you think it's fine if I'm not actively beating you up?" he murmured in a strange voice. "Have I been that bad a partner?""Of course not," Ren said firmly. "Don't talk nonsense.""But your expectations from me really are so low as to be non existent, aren't they, Ren?" Fang asked in a whisper finally understanding what his older sister had been trying to say as realisation dawned upon him. Ren's non existent expectations from Fang wasn't that Fang's own doing? What had he ever done that would lead Ren to expect more? What he had taken as Ren's increasing acceptance of him wasn't it a failure on Fang's part to treat his partner properly? When was the last time Ren and Fang had actually argued about anything? These days didn't Ren simply acquiesce to whatever Fang wanted, no matter what it was? It was as if Ren had resigned himself to the fact that he shouldn't expect anything from Fang any more, and if Fang did do something for him, then that would be a great cause for happiness for Ren. Even something as simple as a birthday gift, or a birthday party Ren wasn't even expecting this much from Fang, and Fang had not even realised this until now how wrong it was.A sudden fear seized Fang's heart. The fact that Ren wasn't expecting anything from him any more what did that mean? Had Ren given up on him? If Ren had given up on him, then then didn't it mean that Ren might leave him? Even if Ren didn't want to leave him right now and still cared so much for him how long could it continue like this? Wouldn't Ren's spark fizzle out like this? Or worse wouldn't Ren end up giving up everything of himself for Fang's sake and then disappear? And if Ren disappeared, then what would be Fang left with? Was there anything more precious than Ren in Fang's life?Ren saw that Fang's entire body was starting to tremble violently again.Ren didn't know what was causing Fang so much distress, but he felt upset when he saw his fianc like this."What's wrong, Fang?" he asked softly, kneeling on the floor next to Fang.Fang trembled all over and couldn't bring himself to look at Ren. "I'm scared," he whispered. "I'm scared that you will realise how horrible I am and then you will leave me"Ren sighed and shook his head and stood up, and then pulled Fang up to his feet as well. Then he hugged Fang. "Don't be afraid, my darling," he said softly. "And don't think of nonsensical stuff like this. I love you very much and I am not leaving you.""But I haven't been a good partner to you" Fang murmured.Ren pinched his cheeks. "That's for me to decide, isn't it? I'm your partner, so it is my prerogative to decide whether you are a good partner for me or not, right?" he demanded.Fang blinked and then nodded."So, since it is my decision to make, why are you putting imaginary and unnecessary words into my mouth?" Ren asked crossly."But I hurt you!" Fang cried. "What decent partner hurts the one they love the most?!"Ren sighed. "All right, so you made a mistake, yes?" he asked.Fang nodded."So now you can correct it," Ren pointed out. "Now heal my shoulders and give me a proper shoulder massage for 60 minutes, and we will consider that to be your punishment for your mistake."Fang blinked. "That's all?" he murmured.Ren raised his eyebrows and pinched Fang's cheeks playfully. "What, that's not enough? When did my little darling become such a glutton for punishment? Well, if you think that's not enough, I might make you give me a shoulder massage every day for the rest of my life!" he teased.Fang nodded seriously. "That is better," he said, feeling better. "I will massage your shoulders every day for the rest of our lives!" Relief pooled in his worried heart, finally. If he and Ren had this promise, if Fang was supposed to give Ren a shoulder massage every single day for the rest of their lives didn't that mean that the two of them were going to be together for the rest of their lives, and that Ren had no intentions of driving Fang away? And now that Fang knew where he had gone wrong, he would take steps to correct it, and soon enough in the future, he would be the one pampering Ren to his heart's content instead of the other way round! He couldn't wait for that day to come, when Ren would recline on the couch lazily like Snow often did, and act like a spoilt prince and demand things from Fang, and then Fang would get everything for his beloved Ren, and the two of them would lead a blissful, contented life!Ren was taken aback by Fang's enthusiasm about the task of massaging his shoulders, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Fang was happy again, and Ren got a free massage out of it so it was a win win situation, wasn't it?
