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To Continue Living - Chapter 38

Published at 13th of February 2024 07:44:41 AM


Chapter 38

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Leon sits comfortably in a café, surrounded by ambient noise. The sun rays are bright as they peak through the windows and reflect against the wooden floor. The people are a blur as they walk and talk around him. He can't make out what they say or how they look, but it is the normalcy of strangers minding their business, and that is enough for him.

This wasn't a memory of his. 

It was just a place that he made up.

Memories are fuzzy, and it pains him to not remember them.

So sometimes, he'll create a new place. A new haven for him to relax. Especially now that he has a sketchbook. He imagines that he would draw in a place like this.

Scribble.

Scribble.

Scribble.

A line here.

A line there.

Every day, Leon draws.

And he draws the only thing he can draw.

The only thought that comes to mind.

The only reason why 'Leon' even exists.

The protagonist.

The protagonist takes up pages and pages of his sketchbook.

It is filled with nothing but him.

Even now, he could only draw the protagonist.

Over and over again.

Leon thinks he's going crazy.

How does inspiration come in the form of hatred?

Is that even possible?

It must be.

(Rey was currently leaning on a tree and taking a nap while Leon sat comfortably between his legs, drawing like he's done ever since he received the sketchbook.

"Well, we're finished setting up camp," Valora commented, "Let's hunt for some food,"

It's been a while since Valora joined Rey's party, and after many ups and downs, her personality finally settled down. She had gotten used to living with Leon, just as Seven had. Though she still felt a sense of dislike towards him, she didn't actively express it anymore. At most, she just learned to ignore him.

"I don't think this is healthy," Penny stated.

Penny, a winged elemental spirit, was a recent member of Rey's party. Well, more like another tagalong after Rey saved her life. She wasn't as brash as Valora, but she still spoke her mind with no hesitation. Just in a calmer manner.

Valora rolled her eyes, "Obviously, we're in the middle of a cursed forest. Nothing here is healthy,"

"No, I meant Leon," she said, snatching Leon's sketchbook off his lap and flipping through it, "It's all drawings of Rey. Don't you think that's kind of creepy?"

"Y-y-you . . . " Seven and Valora stuttered with a pale face, immediately stopping whatever they were doing.

"You better give that back!" Valora scolded.

"H-hurry!" Seven panicked, "Before Rey wakes up!"

"Why're you guys freaking out?"

Drop

A tear fell from Leon's eyes.

Valora cursed, "Shit,"

"Oh no," Seven cried, "We're too late-"

"-You dare," a low voice uttered.

Penny was met with Rey's dark glare. He suddenly looked nothing like the savior she thought he was. She was so startled and frightened that she even dropped the sketchbook. Seven and Valora quickly scurried away, saying that it was time to hunt for food.

Rey silently picked up the sketchbook and returned it to Leon. He comforted him for just a while before turning back to Penny.

"I don't do second chances," Rey threatened, "The next time you make Leon cry, that'll be the end for you,"

Penny nodded in fear, keeping her head and eyes low.

"Go help Seven and Valora," Rey ordered.)

Oh.

It's back.

Leon thought he had lost another thing he loved.

But it came back to him.

Which was kind of weird.

Then again, having a sketchbook filled with nothing but the person he hates is also kind of weird.

Leon touched the sketchbook.

He flipped through the pages, finding where he had left off.

He picked up his pencil and began drawing again, but then . . .

Snap!

The point of the pencil broke, smearing his beautiful paper.

Leon stared at the pencil for a long time, just sitting there silently.

His hands began to tremble.

No.

His eyes began to see the rough grass and the familiar hands that hold him.

Don't.

The beautiful image that he created—this café he was sitting in—was blurring away.

Please don't.

"Leon," a familiar voice calls to him.

Don't bring him back.

Leon pretends he doesn't hear and tries to recreate his image again. But a hand with a pencil enters his view, forcing him to come to reality.

Leon slowly looks up, following that arm to see the owner that he already knows.

And just as he imagined, the protagonist looks the same as ever.

His dark eyes never changed.

The lips that won't ever smile.

A finely sculpted nose and jawline that shouldn't exist.

"Your pencil," the protagonist mutters softly.

Ba-thump

'Leon's' heart beats.

Ba-thump ba-thump

Leon grits his teeth.

He snatches the pencil.

He stabs his sketchbook.

He stabs and stabs.

Scratches.

And rips.

Paper flies in tatters, leaving a wild mess around him.

'Damn body,' he curses as he tears through every page, 'Stupid protagonist,'

Crack!

He breaks the pencil as well and throws it as far as he can.

How dare he draw the protagonist?!

How dare he accept anything from the protagonist?!

How dare he allow himself to even think about the protagonist?!

"Leon," the protagonist calls.

Leon ignores him, trying to recreate his delusion again.

"Leon," the protagonist tries again.

But Leon continues to ignore him.

The protagonist then picks up the ruined sketchbook and hands it to Leon, but Leon doesn't take it. He smacks it away instead.

"It's been a while," the protagonist murmurs, "I've missed you,"

This time, Leon faces the protagonist.

And he burst out laughing.

"Miss me?!" Leon cackles, "You miss me?!"

"Stay,"

Leon laughs harder, "I've stayed for ten—no, eleven years! Eleven years! What more could you want?!"

"I need you,"

. . .

Leon stares at the protagonist with dark, cold eyes. He opens his mouth to reply, but-

Rustle.

Suddenly, a group of three that Leon doesn't recognize walks in.

"Leon?" One of the members, the boy, spoke, "You're . . . are you awake?"

Leon laughs once again, "Need me? You're already so quick to replace me!" 

The protagonist furrows his eyebrows and takes a step towards Leon. Leon backs away and faces the new members.

"And you're still building your harem as ever! Those poor girls, have you slept with them already?! Did you break their hearts yet?! Tell me, Rey, who do you think will die and which will you leave behind?! Oh wait, I already know the answer-"

"-Leon,"

"-If the girl is a healer, she'll die. If not, then r*ped. If she isn't a healer, well good for her, she gets left behind. And as for your new friend, he'll definitely get killed. Murdered and left somewhere for you to find-"

SLAP!

"Stop it Leon,"

Leon laughs louder this time, not feeling the sting on his cheek "My poor protagonist, you never change!"

Valora and Penny were both instantly in a fighting stance, weapon in hand, and ready to attack.

"Put down your weapons," Rey orders.

When the girls didn't comply, Rey glared at them.

Faced with Rey's previous anger, Penny hesitantly diminished the fire in her hands. Valora, on the other hand, took a longer time to put down her bow.

"One of them is an elf?!" Leon gleamed, "How fortunate I am,"

In one swift motion, Leon appeared right before Valora's eyes with the biggest smile, "Are you here to put an end to me? Stop my body from taking another breath? Help cleanse this world by destroying a cursed human?!"

Rey grabbed Leon and pulled him away.

"I'll be back," Rey said before jumping into the darkness of the forest with a laughing Leon in his arms.

". . . That's Leon?" Valora and Penny asked with disdain.

"Honestly, I don't even know," Seven chuckled nervously, "That was the first time I've ever technically met him,"

Seven glanced at the tattered sketchbook laying on the ground and went to pick it up, "Can you guys help me fix this?"

"Hell no./You can't be serious, right?" Valora and Penny refused.

"Please, Leon needs this,"

The two girls immediately ignored him.

". . . And it's really important to Rey,"

They both sighed before replying, "Fine," and went to help Seven repair the sketchbook.

---Rey and Leon---

By the time Rey stops at a small open field, Leon is done laughing and cursing. Instead, he feels tired now. He wants to go back to sleep. Back to wonderland.

"Leon," Rey calls for the thousandth time.

Leon is too tired to fight, but he also doesn't want to answer the protagonist. So, he stays silent and stares into the empty field.

"It's been two years," Rey says.

Leon's heart stings, and he chuckles at his own pitiful self, but he doesn't say anything.

Rey has many things he wants to say and many things that he wants to hear from Leon, but he doesn't know where to start. His hand squeezes Leon's wrist, hoping that Leon will say something, anything.

"Talk to me,"

Leon sighs, "You have killed the villain. Aruvar is safe. You have new friends and allies now, your story with 'Leon' is done. 'Leon' is never coming back, so there's no point in keeping me alive,"

"You are 'Leon,' though. Even if it was all pretend, you were still Leon for all those years,"

"It's still just all pretend, none of it was real,"

Rey squeezes Leon's wrist again, "It was real to me,"

"But it wasn't real for me," Leon finally gazes into Rey's eyes, "You're just a character. You and Evelyn. Even the new friends you have now. This entire world. To me, it's all just a book,"

Rey's eyes tremble so subtly.

Leon talks monotonously, like he is spitting out facts, "Your abilities—that amplified gravitation ability or whatever—you found it inside a tree. You used it to beat our teacher in a fight. Only our teacher knew what it was,"

"Anyone could've figured that out,"

"And anyone could have found it. And it wasn't just that instance, I could name a hundred more,"

Rey tsks.

"You were betrayed by people who you thought were your friends and were sold in the black market. Emilia was a fairy, and she died because of your wish. The person who bought you tried to beat you into submission. She even ra-"

"-It doesn't matter,"

"-You almost gave in at the end, but 'Leon' came to the rescue right on time-"

"-So what,"

"Yumi, Marianne, Camellia, Jen, and Yi Nuo. Those are the ones who died after we left. Just letting you know-"

"-What?"

"-Your siblings at the orphanage each died horrific deaths. Matthew was right in front of you, and you couldn't even save him. You couldn't save a single one of them-"

"-Stop,"

"Val Valtine's last word was Evelyn's name. He smiled when he died, didn't he?"

"Stop it, Leon,"

"You still haven't heard Evelyn's last words yet, I know what they are-"

"SHUT UP!"

"You never change," Leon scoffs, "Do you want me to talk or do you want me to shut up?"

Rey squeezes Leon's wrist again.

"I told you, it's all just a book. How else would I have known about all of this when I wasn't even there to see it, or if you've never even told me?"

Leon brushes off Rey's hand and fully turns towards him, "Your story with 'Leon' is done. It's been done ever since we've parted ways,"

There was a long silence. Leon, watching Rey with cold eyes, and Rey, unable to look back at Leon.

"It must've been hard," Rey mutters, "having to know all of this and being unable to do anything,"

Leon flinches for just a second but quickly returns to his cold expression, "It wasn't. I could've saved them all, I just chose not to,"

"I doubt that," Rey firmly grabs Leon by the arm, "Fay once said that a person can't go their entire life smiling. I'm sure you couldn't go your entire life pretending,"

"Well, I did!" Leon yells and pushes Rey back, "Even if you don't want to believe me, I still did! My wish to go home was stronger than saving all those lives! I let them all die, I let Evelyn die!"

"Even I couldn't save them-"

"-You don't get it do you, Rey?! I knew exactly when, where, and how everyone was going to die! I was given so many chances to save each one of them, and I denied them all! Even when it came to saving you, I didn't care! I just wanted to go home, and it didn't matter how I was going to get there. Even now, I am still willing to sacrifice a hundred thousand more lives just to go home. I don't care if it's your life, your new friends, or this entire world! I just want to go home!"

Leon huffs with frustrated tears in his eyes. His hands are clenched in a fist so tight that he bleeds. And his head hangs low, he feels so tired.

"But you're still here," Rey's voice echoes loudly in Leon's ears, "This is your punishment, don't you think? For not saving all those lives,"

Leon stares agape at Rey's words.

His hands fall limp, and he raises his head towards the sky.

He calls for the system, but there is no answer.

He keeps calling, hoping, but there is still nothing.

His heart aches, and he doesn't have the strength to speak anymore. He just wants everything to end, but he's not even allowed to die. Even his delusions are not strong enough to keep reality at bay.

Is this really his punishment?

What did he do to deserve this?

Wasn't he the one who was kidnapped and put into this world?

Wasn't he the one who had no choice but to pretend for ten years in order to go home?

Wasn't he the one who was betrayed?

The one who was lied to?

There was never any reward, just more suffering.

"Leon," Rey called, "From every moment of happiness and laughter to all your sufferings and hardships, I will stand by your side and share every memory and burden. There is no need for any promises or forgiveness, for there is nothing to keep from each other,"

Leon glanced at the protagonist.

". . . I don't rem-"

"-Besides, between us, promises will always be broken and forgiveness will always be given. Whether you like it or not, I'm stuck with you," Leon finishes.

That was 'Leon's' line.

'Leon's' cringiest line in the entire series.

Made to Rey when he thought he had no one else but himself in this world.

Rey gave a small smile, "You called me a protagonist before, that I get anything I want. If that's true, then as long as you're with me, I can always get you what you want,"

Leon stared at Rey expressionlessly.

It's been a while since he's seen the protagonist smile.

"I'm tired," Leon said, looking away and mumbling.

Rey took a step forward and quickly caught Leon before he fell.

"I'll be waiting," Rey said, "So wake up soon,"

Darkness clouded Leon's eyes, and back to wonderland he went.





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