Things had been fairly mundane for the past few days, with between one to three parties trying their hand at Worthy Dungeon each day and none taking fatalities, although that wasn't the same thing as going without casualties. Earlier that morning a veteran party had taken the shortcut down to the third floor and done fairly well for themselves...until an elvish archer who had taken to wearing three of the luck charms from Floor One had an unfortunate accident. While making their way through the puzzle chamber, the woman had accidentally stumbled into a flamethrower trap and been severely burned as a result. The wounds were potentially healable, but not by a low-quality healing fountain, and the party had beaten a quick retreat rather than finish the floor.
That wasn't why Xenia was throwing a party.
It was the 99th day of existence for the dungeon, and hours away from hopefully unlocking a new series of lifetime achievements, but that wasn't why she was throwing a party either. No, today was Lollyp's 24th birthday, and given that the dungeon master felt everyone was extremely in need of a break, had declared it to be an official dungeon holiday. A small festival area had been set up on Floor Four with a number of decorations including brightly-colored fabrics and even giant stuffed animals, particularly slimes, rabbits, and dragons...or giant dragonets, one of the two. All of the bosses had been invited to attend, and even BB was currently playfully chasing Sir Flopsy around the meadow.
As for the birthday girl herself, the woman was currently engaged in eating her fourth cake of the evening. Not 'slice of cake', but the entire baked confection, which was being piece-by-piece tossed into her mouth nearly assembly-line style by a number of tentacles specifically made for the purpose. "Oh my - mhrm - gods! I thought I'd already figured out all the perks of being a - mrmph - dungeon boss already, but this one, hehe, this one really takes the cake!"
Xenia chuckles as she spends another mana point on a fifth cake. "What, free cake? We're in the B-tiers for food now, which is 'above average' I guess, but I know I've had better. I suppose 'free' does add a tier to how good something tastes, though."
Lollyp wipes off her mouth, the crumbs being absorbed into her arm as she does so. "Not just the free cake, but the fact that I don't ever get full! Slimes don't have stomachs like you rigids, of course, but normally we can only absorb so much matter at once before it starts to fuck with our body chemistry and stuff." The slime looks down at her torso, where the latest piece of cake is already fading to nothing. "But this is insane metabolism. I mean...oh...fuck." The birthday girl's expression suddenly falls.
Sincere tries not to laugh at her sudden change of expression. "Did that last piece finally manage to cause a hint of indigestion after all?"
Lollyp sighs. "No, I uh...just realized why I'm like this. Yeah, dungeon monsters don't need to eat, so this is all some...magical bullshit, or whatever. But on top of that, I'm in a monster slime's body right now. Monster slimes aren't supposed to kill people with spells. Monster slimes are supposed to kill people by eating them."
Xenia grimaces. "Little gruesome, yeah. You uh...think you'd ever try that out?"
Dips looks over from where she and Tank were experimenting with a knife-throwing range Xenia had set up as entertainment, the armors not being capable of consuming sugary sweets, or adventurers for that matter. "You should do it. I would deeeeffffffffinitely eat a Challenger if I could. Especially an elf. Ellllvvves look tasty..."
The slime stares at the possessed armor. "You know you used to be an elf, right?"
"I bet I was a tasssssty one."
Lollyp shivers. "Right, uh, I bet. But...fuck, I dunno? I mean, burning out someone's face or lungs with acid's always been an option, if a little gory, but actually eating someone would mean really committing to the bit, right? I'd have to put some real time and effort into it, in the middle of a fight. I don't think I'm that invested into cannibalism."
"Puuuusssssy." Dips shakes her head and turns back to her knife-studded target board.
"And on that note, let's talk about literally anything else!" Xenia forces a smile onto her face. "So, twenty-four! That's pretty high for a slime, right? Feeling ancient yet?"
"Oh, yeah, twenty-four would be huge back at the old dungeon. Especially for a non-Regenerator class. I'm pretty sure my odds of getting to twenty-five woulda been like, one in twenty at best. At this point, you treat every party like it's your last, but guess I'll be getting a lot more now, hehe. How about you though Xenia, when are we throwing you a party?"
The dungeon master exhales deeply as she leans back into her seat, stabbing her own piece of cake with a fork. "Ooof, I think at this point I'm just gonna have to say my birthday's the dungeon's anniversary or something. I mean, I don't even know how old I am, let alone trying to pin a birthday onto the local calendar somewhere. I can tell you that you're older now than I was the first time I moved on, I was only twenty-three when that truck creamed me. And that might be higher than my average run, to be honest. How about you Sincere, when's yours? You're due for...four-hundred and...?"
"Four-hundred and twenty-six would be my next birthday, assuming it still counts now that I'm deceased. Like you however, I don't know when my actual birthday is, nor do I even know when exactly I was summoned to this plane, so I can't use that as a reference either." Sincere sips at a fruity party drink before continuing. "So I generally celebrate it on the death of my summoner, a few months hence."
DEATH nods approvingly from the far end of the table, where the boss is currently occupied petting a vampire bunny sitting in his lap, his scythe left to lean against the table. "DEATHS ALSO SEEM LIKE GOOD DAYS TO CELEBRATE. THEY CAN MARK A LIFE FAR MORE DEFINITIVELY THAN A BIRTH, IN SOME WAYS."
Sincere snorts slightly at the comment. "I don't know if I'd call it a celebration, exactly. Certainly, it represented my freedom from slavery, which I was extremely glad for, don't get me wrong. But really I chose that date simply as a reminder of the impact that man had on my early life. As a reminder of the impact the Warlocks had on all of demonkind, really. So many years later, I feel the need to remind myself from time to time."
"Wow! That sounds like a really depressing topic I don't want to get into today! But hey, if you wanna start celebrating the day you joined the dungeon, as a birthday or just an anniversary, feel free to add it to the calendar." Xenia takes a sip from her own cup, feeling strongly tempted to use her avatar spell so she can drink it properly.
Lollyp grins, frosting coloring her red lips as she does so. "Gee, you wanna go back to talking about cannibalism now, or something?"
Xenia doesn't answer at first, before eventually mumbling into her cup. "Honestly, it's a little disturbing how good people can taste, actually..."
Lollyp's gooey jaw drops. "I can't have heard that right."
The dungeon master sighs and tries to cover her face with one hand as she puts her cup back on the table. "It was a phase, alright!?"
"A people-eating phase!?"
"Look, everyone's a monster once in a while, you know? And...sometimes literally, when you keep getting reborn into different bodies. And it's not like I went around looking for people to eat, or something."
Sincere raises an eyebrow. "They came to you and signed up, did they?"
"Look, if adventurers didn't want to get chowed on, they should've stopped going into the Black Bog so often! Anyhow, not really the run I like to talk about most. So! Literally any other topic now, please?" Xenia suddenly sits up a little straighter and claps her hands. "Oh, I know, present time! Ready for some goodies, Lolly Pop?"
"Ready enough that I'll stop asking questions about that topic for at least a few hours, sure! I'll try not to set my expectations too high, since it's not like anyone can exactly go shopping."
As Sincere reaches for something hidden beneath the table, Xenia summons a box directly from her dungeon inventory. "Well, feel free to get a little excited. Take a look!"
Lollyp quickly tears open the plain paper wrapping to find a number of shiny metallic objects. Some are long, some are tiny and ovoid, and others look like simple spheres, but in no case are their purposes apparent. "Um...thanks? Are these...art projects?"
Xenia grins. "A little something I put together with some help from Guy, based on stuff from my first world. We didn't exactly have an enchantment like it on file, but like with the elevator and some other stuff, by having a good enough idea of what I wanted I was able to brute force some stuff together. Might start making some as loot items, but I figured you'd enjoy having the first batch." As Lollyp picks up one of the oval objects and peers at it, Xenia continues in a stage whisper. "They're voice activated - commands are 'Off', 'Low', and 'High'."
"...High?" Almost immediately the device in her hand begins to vibrate, and doing it so strongly that her upper arm nearly liquefies in the process. "Whoa! Off! Off!" After taking a moment to stabilize her limb, the woman laughs. "...Oh! Oh! Well, that's gonna be fun...maybe on the other setting, though."
Xenia chuckles. "Might need some adjustments, let me know if you need some testing...ahem, anyways, what you got there, Sin-man?"
"As if you didn't help me put these together yourself. Happy Birthday, Lollyp." The slime eagerly takes the demon's package and opens it up, finding a quartet of tomes waiting for her. "While Xenia's skill absorption abilities took much of my technical knowledge and added it to our collective 'library', it lacks nearly all of the context which truly makes that knowledge worth knowing. Xenia created some texts for me based on her absorbed information, which I have edited into proper tomes of knowledge worthy of reading. You'll find there two books on magic, one on alchemy, and one of my personal experiences with notable slimes over the past few centuries."
Lollyp's eyes almost literally sparkle as she looks them over. "Wow - you were able to put together four entire books just while you've been here? That book-summoning trick is way better than I thought! Thanks, Sincere!"
The armor duo and BB occasionally glance over at the main party table as the group continues, but not being of particularly crafty bents, don't take part in the gift-giving tradition. DEATH however raises a hand from his end of the table, before standing up and walking over with a box of his own. "IT IS NOT MUCH, BUT I DID PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE SOMETHING I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT APPRECIATE."
"Awww, I totally do, even before I see what it is! Now...let's see what it is!" Lifting the cover of the box, Lollyp takes a look inside and gasps. Sitting in front of her is a flower arrangement, or rather, an item crafted from Floor Four flowers, shaped into the form of a pink, smiling Hippity-Blobbity as it frolics on a green field. It's not simply flowers tied together however, but plant material carefully woven into a surprisingly sturdy object, which Lollyp is able to pick up and hold in front of her. "It's beautiful! You put this all together, DEATH?"
"I HAVE HAD QUITE A BIT OF FREE TIME. PERHAPS YOU COULD HANG IT ON YOUR WALL AS DECORATION? I...MAY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A FEW OTHER PIECES, IF THERE WOULD BE INTEREST."
Xenia claps in appreciation. "Hell yeah, Big D! We could use some more art around here, and I guess it can't all be pin-up posters."
Guy hovers up towards the gathering, from where they had been directing monsters to entertain the water elementals a short distance away. "Quite the artistic talent, indeed! Now, while I'm afraid I don't have my own contribution, beyond the assistance I was able to provide Xenia as she mentioned, I do have gifts of a sort to announce for you all!"
"Oh? Wouldn't mind a little something-something..." Xenia's hands rub together in anticipation.
"Indeed! We have just passed midnight, which means...it is now time for Day One Hundred! May I present..." After a brief pause, a number of screens begin to emerge from Guy's 'face'.
| ------------------------ YOU HAVE SURVIVED ONE HUNDRED DAYS. ONE 'WANDERING BOSS' SLOT UNLOCKED PER FIVE FLOORS CONSTRUCTED. |
| ------------------------ AT LEAST ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MORTALS HAVE ESCAPED YOUR BOUNDS WITHIN YOUR FIRST ONE HUNDRED DAYS. ONCE PER DAY, A MORTAL CAN BE TELEPORTED OUTSIDE THE DUNGEON WHEN THEY WOULD OTHERWISE BE SLAIN. |
| ------------------------ YOU HAVE SLAIN AT LEAST ONE MORTAL FROM TEN DIFFERENT SPECIES WITHIN YOUR FIRST ONE HUNDRED DAYS. BONE AND 'FALSE MORTAL' UNDEAD CAN BE CREATED OF ANY MORTAL SPECIES WITHOUT THE NEED TO FIRST ABSORB SPECIMENS. |
| ------------------------ YOU HAVE HAD A MORTAL RESIDENT WITHIN YOUR DUNGEON FOR AT LEAST HALF OF YOUR CURRENT LIFESPAN. FOR EVERY MORTAL WITHIN YOUR DUNGEON WHO HAS BEEN PRESENT FOR AT LEAST TWENTY-FOUR CONSECUTIVE HOURS, ONE BOSS MONSTER MAY EXIT YOUR DUNGEON BOUNDS. |
Xenia grins as she looks over the list. "Not as many as the last set, but...wait, hold on. A...mortal resident?" Xenia's eyes go wide, and she turns to Lollyp. "Hey Lolly Pop, tell Slooshy I love her!"
She does so, shouting across the meadow, and a distant voice echoes in response. "Thanks! I love me too!"
Things had been fairly mundane for the past few days, with between one to three parties trying their hand at Worthy Dungeon each day and none taking fatalities, although that wasn't the same thing as going without casualties. Earlier that morning a veteran party had taken the shortcut down to the third floor and done fairly well for themselves...until an elvish archer who had taken to wearing three of the luck charms from Floor One had an unfortunate accident. While making their way through the puzzle chamber, the woman had accidentally stumbled into a flamethrower trap and been severely burned as a result. The wounds were potentially healable, but not by a low-quality healing fountain, and the party had beaten a quick retreat rather than finish the floor.
That wasn't why Xenia was throwing a party.
It was the 99th day of existence for the dungeon, and hours away from hopefully unlocking a new series of lifetime achievements, but that wasn't why she was throwing a party either. No, today was Lollyp's 24th birthday, and given that the dungeon master felt everyone was extremely in need of a break, had declared it to be an official dungeon holiday. A small festival area had been set up on Floor Four with a number of decorations including brightly-colored fabrics and even giant stuffed animals, particularly slimes, rabbits, and dragons...or giant dragonets, one of the two. All of the bosses had been invited to attend, and even BB was currently playfully chasing Sir Flopsy around the meadow.
As for the birthday girl herself, the woman was currently engaged in eating her fourth cake of the evening. Not 'slice of cake', but the entire baked confection, which was being piece-by-piece tossed into her mouth nearly assembly-line style by a number of tentacles specifically made for the purpose. "Oh my - mhrm - gods! I thought I'd already figured out all the perks of being a - mrmph - dungeon boss already, but this one, hehe, this one really takes the cake!"
Xenia chuckles as she spends another mana point on a fifth cake. "What, free cake? We're in the B-tiers for food now, which is 'above average' I guess, but I know I've had better. I suppose 'free' does add a tier to how good something tastes, though."
Lollyp wipes off her mouth, the crumbs being absorbed into her arm as she does so. "Not just the free cake, but the fact that I don't ever get full! Slimes don't have stomachs like you rigids, of course, but normally we can only absorb so much matter at once before it starts to fuck with our body chemistry and stuff." The slime looks down at her torso, where the latest piece of cake is already fading to nothing. "But this is insane metabolism. I mean...oh...fuck." The birthday girl's expression suddenly falls.
Sincere tries not to laugh at her sudden change of expression. "Did that last piece finally manage to cause a hint of indigestion after all?"
Lollyp sighs. "No, I uh...just realized why I'm like this. Yeah, dungeon monsters don't need to eat, so this is all some...magical bullshit, or whatever. But on top of that, I'm in a monster slime's body right now. Monster slimes aren't supposed to kill people with spells. Monster slimes are supposed to kill people by eating them."
Xenia grimaces. "Little gruesome, yeah. You uh...think you'd ever try that out?"
Dips looks over from where she and Tank were experimenting with a knife-throwing range Xenia had set up as entertainment, the armors not being capable of consuming sugary sweets, or adventurers for that matter. "You should do it. I would deeeeffffffffinitely eat a Challenger if I could. Especially an elf. Ellllvvves look tasty..."
The slime stares at the possessed armor. "You know you used to be an elf, right?"
"I bet I was a tasssssty one."
Lollyp shivers. "Right, uh, I bet. But...fuck, I dunno? I mean, burning out someone's face or lungs with acid's always been an option, if a little gory, but actually eating someone would mean really committing to the bit, right? I'd have to put some real time and effort into it, in the middle of a fight. I don't think I'm that invested into cannibalism."
"Puuuusssssy." Dips shakes her head and turns back to her knife-studded target board.
"And on that note, let's talk about literally anything else!" Xenia forces a smile onto her face. "So, twenty-four! That's pretty high for a slime, right? Feeling ancient yet?"
"Oh, yeah, twenty-four would be huge back at the old dungeon. Especially for a non-Regenerator class. I'm pretty sure my odds of getting to twenty-five woulda been like, one in twenty at best. At this point, you treat every party like it's your last, but guess I'll be getting a lot more now, hehe. How about you though Xenia, when are we throwing you a party?"
The dungeon master exhales deeply as she leans back into her seat, stabbing her own piece of cake with a fork. "Ooof, I think at this point I'm just gonna have to say my birthday's the dungeon's anniversary or something. I mean, I don't even know how old I am, let alone trying to pin a birthday onto the local calendar somewhere. I can tell you that you're older now than I was the first time I moved on, I was only twenty-three when that truck creamed me. And that might be higher than my average run, to be honest. How about you Sincere, when's yours? You're due for...four-hundred and...?"
"Four-hundred and twenty-six would be my next birthday, assuming it still counts now that I'm deceased. Like you however, I don't know when my actual birthday is, nor do I even know when exactly I was summoned to this plane, so I can't use that as a reference either." Sincere sips at a fruity party drink before continuing. "So I generally celebrate it on the death of my summoner, a few months hence."
DEATH nods approvingly from the far end of the table, where the boss is currently occupied petting a vampire bunny sitting in his lap, his scythe left to lean against the table. "DEATHS ALSO SEEM LIKE GOOD DAYS TO CELEBRATE. THEY CAN MARK A LIFE FAR MORE DEFINITIVELY THAN A BIRTH, IN SOME WAYS."
Sincere snorts slightly at the comment. "I don't know if I'd call it a celebration, exactly. Certainly, it represented my freedom from slavery, which I was extremely glad for, don't get me wrong. But really I chose that date simply as a reminder of the impact that man had on my early life. As a reminder of the impact the Warlocks had on all of demonkind, really. So many years later, I feel the need to remind myself from time to time."
"Wow! That sounds like a really depressing topic I don't want to get into today! But hey, if you wanna start celebrating the day you joined the dungeon, as a birthday or just an anniversary, feel free to add it to the calendar." Xenia takes a sip from her own cup, feeling strongly tempted to use her avatar spell so she can drink it properly.
Lollyp grins, frosting coloring her red lips as she does so. "Gee, you wanna go back to talking about cannibalism now, or something?"
Xenia doesn't answer at first, before eventually mumbling into her cup. "Honestly, it's a little disturbing how good people can taste, actually..."
Lollyp's gooey jaw drops. "I can't have heard that right."
The dungeon master sighs and tries to cover her face with one hand as she puts her cup back on the table. "It was a phase, alright!?"
"A people-eating phase!?"
"Look, everyone's a monster once in a while, you know? And...sometimes literally, when you keep getting reborn into different bodies. And it's not like I went around looking for people to eat, or something."
Sincere raises an eyebrow. "They came to you and signed up, did they?"
"Look, if adventurers didn't want to get chowed on, they should've stopped going into the Black Bog so often! Anyhow, not really the run I like to talk about most. So! Literally any other topic now, please?" Xenia suddenly sits up a little straighter and claps her hands. "Oh, I know, present time! Ready for some goodies, Lolly Pop?"
"Ready enough that I'll stop asking questions about that topic for at least a few hours, sure! I'll try not to set my expectations too high, since it's not like anyone can exactly go shopping."
As Sincere reaches for something hidden beneath the table, Xenia summons a box directly from her dungeon inventory. "Well, feel free to get a little excited. Take a look!"
Lollyp quickly tears open the plain paper wrapping to find a number of shiny metallic objects. Some are long, some are tiny and ovoid, and others look like simple spheres, but in no case are their purposes apparent. "Um...thanks? Are these...art projects?"
Xenia grins. "A little something I put together with some help from Guy, based on stuff from my first world. We didn't exactly have an enchantment like it on file, but like with the elevator and some other stuff, by having a good enough idea of what I wanted I was able to brute force some stuff together. Might start making some as loot items, but I figured you'd enjoy having the first batch." As Lollyp picks up one of the oval objects and peers at it, Xenia continues in a stage whisper. "They're voice activated - commands are 'Off', 'Low', and 'High'."
"...High?" Almost immediately the device in her hand begins to vibrate, and doing it so strongly that her upper arm nearly liquefies in the process. "Whoa! Off! Off!" After taking a moment to stabilize her limb, the woman laughs. "...Oh! Oh! Well, that's gonna be fun...maybe on the other setting, though."
Xenia chuckles. "Might need some adjustments, let me know if you need some testing...ahem, anyways, what you got there, Sin-man?"
"As if you didn't help me put these together yourself. Happy Birthday, Lollyp." The slime eagerly takes the demon's package and opens it up, finding a quartet of tomes waiting for her. "While Xenia's skill absorption abilities took much of my technical knowledge and added it to our collective 'library', it lacks nearly all of the context which truly makes that knowledge worth knowing. Xenia created some texts for me based on her absorbed information, which I have edited into proper tomes of knowledge worthy of reading. You'll find there two books on magic, one on alchemy, and one of my personal experiences with notable slimes over the past few centuries."
Lollyp's eyes almost literally sparkle as she looks them over. "Wow - you were able to put together four entire books just while you've been here? That book-summoning trick is way better than I thought! Thanks, Sincere!"
The armor duo and BB occasionally glance over at the main party table as the group continues, but not being of particularly crafty bents, don't take part in the gift-giving tradition. DEATH however raises a hand from his end of the table, before standing up and walking over with a box of his own. "IT IS NOT MUCH, BUT I DID PUT TOGETHER A LITTLE SOMETHING I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT APPRECIATE."
"Awww, I totally do, even before I see what it is! Now...let's see what it is!" Lifting the cover of the box, Lollyp takes a look inside and gasps. Sitting in front of her is a flower arrangement, or rather, an item crafted from Floor Four flowers, shaped into the form of a pink, smiling Hippity-Blobbity as it frolics on a green field. It's not simply flowers tied together however, but plant material carefully woven into a surprisingly sturdy object, which Lollyp is able to pick up and hold in front of her. "It's beautiful! You put this all together, DEATH?"
"I HAVE HAD QUITE A BIT OF FREE TIME. PERHAPS YOU COULD HANG IT ON YOUR WALL AS DECORATION? I...MAY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A FEW OTHER PIECES, IF THERE WOULD BE INTEREST."
Xenia claps in appreciation. "Hell yeah, Big D! We could use some more art around here, and I guess it can't all be pin-up posters."
Guy hovers up towards the gathering, from where they had been directing monsters to entertain the water elementals a short distance away. "Quite the artistic talent, indeed! Now, while I'm afraid I don't have my own contribution, beyond the assistance I was able to provide Xenia as she mentioned, I do have gifts of a sort to announce for you all!"
"Oh? Wouldn't mind a little something-something..." Xenia's hands rub together in anticipation.
"Indeed! We have just passed midnight, which means...it is now time for Day One Hundred! May I present..." After a brief pause, a number of screens begin to emerge from Guy's 'face'.
| ------------------------ YOU HAVE SURVIVED ONE HUNDRED DAYS. ONE 'WANDERING BOSS' SLOT UNLOCKED PER FIVE FLOORS CONSTRUCTED. |
| ------------------------ AT LEAST ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MORTALS HAVE ESCAPED YOUR BOUNDS WITHIN YOUR FIRST ONE HUNDRED DAYS. ONCE PER DAY, A MORTAL CAN BE TELEPORTED OUTSIDE THE DUNGEON WHEN THEY WOULD OTHERWISE BE SLAIN. |
| ------------------------ YOU HAVE SLAIN AT LEAST ONE MORTAL FROM TEN DIFFERENT SPECIES WITHIN YOUR FIRST ONE HUNDRED DAYS. BONE AND 'FALSE MORTAL' UNDEAD CAN BE CREATED OF ANY MORTAL SPECIES WITHOUT THE NEED TO FIRST ABSORB SPECIMENS. |
| ------------------------ YOU HAVE HAD A MORTAL RESIDENT WITHIN YOUR DUNGEON FOR AT LEAST HALF OF YOUR CURRENT LIFESPAN. FOR EVERY MORTAL WITHIN YOUR DUNGEON WHO HAS BEEN PRESENT FOR AT LEAST TWENTY-FOUR CONSECUTIVE HOURS, ONE BOSS MONSTER MAY EXIT YOUR DUNGEON BOUNDS. |
Xenia grins as she looks over the list. "Not as many as the last set, but...wait, hold on. A...mortal resident?" Xenia's eyes go wide, and she turns to Lollyp. "Hey Lolly Pop, tell Slooshy I love her!"
She does so, shouting across the meadow, and a distant voice echoes in response. "Thanks! I love me too!"
