“Hyung, you know…”
There was no response, but I smiled as his hand gently clasped my hand, and I closed my eyes.
“It seems like we’ve been lacking in conversation.”
“Hmm. You just realized that now?”
“No more sarcasm.”
As I splashed water behind me, he mischievously laughed. I leaned in to listen to his low voice and looked up at the dark sky. Lately, the nights had been clear. Countless stars shone brightly, and I found myself lost in contemplation of constellations for a while before speaking up.
“I wanted to buy you a gift. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so it was difficult to choose. We’ve been meeting so well without knowing each other’s preferences. Was it okay for us not to meet frequently?”
“I know.”
What does he know? When I turned my head, our lips accidentally touched. The unexpected sensation left me flustered, and I quickly moved away, causing him to chuckle and tease me.
“I know your preferences.”
I was at a loss for words while muttering to myself that he had a knack for surprising people. It wasn’t because he was too confident; it was because I couldn’t deny his words. I was too weak when it came to him.
“I also know you prefer red bean over cream.”
“Huh? How did you know that?”
“I bought various types of bread, and you only chose that one. And also…”
He continued to list my preferences as if it were nothing, even those I didn’t know myself. He recited them without hesitation, and it felt like he had more fingers than I could count.
“It seems like you’re the only one who doesn’t know anything about me. You should pay more attention to your lover.”
“Wow…”
“If you have time to focus on other things, use it on me.”
I was so amazed that my eyes lit up with admiration.
“It’s really amazing. Hyung, is it possible to conduct a background investigation on something like that?”
“It’s possible. But I don’t need to know everything…”
I just laughed when the blatantly crackly voice didn’t continue. He could have lied and gotten away with it, but it seemed like he had stopped concealing his thoughts from the moment I had already figured it out. His hand, which had been gently caressing my body, also stiffened.
“You heard me, I was observing. …not investigating.”
It’s easy to pass it off as nothing when you just hear it, but once you scrutinize it, the hidden meaning becomes clear. For example, did he observe some things and investigate the rest? An uncomfortable feeling rose within me, and I nervously wiggled my toes. Anyway, his attitude and words were confusing. Had he always spoken like this?
“I saw it in a movie; all gangsters are like that. But I thought it was just a prejudice.”
“…”
“Hyung, you seem to know me so well…”
No matter how large the bathtub was, it was still cramped for two adult men. I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable as I leaned awkwardly against his knees. My gaze inadvertently moved from his knees, which were bent uncomfortably, to his thighs. His soaked suit pants clung tightly to his skin. When the sound of splashing water echoed especially loudly, I realized how long this awkward pause had lasted and hurriedly resumed speaking.
“I knew you were quick-witted, but I didn’t know you had such keen observation skills.”
“Do you feel uncomfortable?”
Why was he asking such a question here? I hesitated for a moment and realized that, in a normal relationship, I should have been the one feeling uncomfortable. In that case, should I pretend to be upset? But no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with any negative feelings. Even so, I decided to speak, fearing that a wrong answer here might lead to another argument.
“When you date a busy person, you should know how to wait, and if your lover is a gangster, you should accept it as fate.”
“You’re not, hu… a kid.”
Thank goodness. He just meant to take it positively. But why did even his sigh sound like an insult? Strange. Anyway, I changed the topic to refresh the atmosphere.
“What’s your hobby, hyung?”
“Golf.”
Tae Seong-je answered quickly as if he had been waiting for this question. His attitude was a bit unfamiliar. I didn’t recall him answering so promptly before.
Golf. Golf… I imagined him in golf attire, which I had never seen before. It might be a bit old-fashioned, but it suits him. I had wanted to see him dressed like that someday.
“You.”
“Me? Well… studying?”
Solving past exam questions… I wasn’t sure if I could call that a hobby, so I trailed off at the end of my sentence. My uninteresting answer almost killed the conversation, but he breathed life back into it.
“There are more.”
“Me?”
“You play with toys at home, right? That can be a hobby too.”
I felt like he was treating me like a 7-year-old, but there was no playfulness in his voice.
“That’s more of an attempt to stop overthinking things than a hobby. I tend to have a lot of thoughts.”
“You exercise. You run around in the park when you have nothing else to do.”
“Can jumping rope be considered a hobby? But that’s also to stop overthinking things. I’m just doing it for my overall health… There’s really nothing I do for fun. Wow, I sound so boring. Maybe I should pick up a new sport or something. Do you enjoy golf, hyung? Should I give it a try too?”
“If you want to try it, I’ll find out for you. Wanna do it together?”
“Can’t we do it where you usually go?”
“The mountains are dangerous for you.”
Why did the topic of mountains come up again? I felt uneasy but decided to move on for now.
“Do you play golf well?”
“I’m not that good. My shots don’t go very far.”
Was that the sound of a bad swing? Something seemed off. Nonetheless, I found it amusing to picture him in front of me, struggling with a stationary golf ball.
“Really? You can’t even make it go straight?”
“I hit the ball well.”
“Is this some kind of nonsense quiz?”
Or was the ball just rolling without being hit? Well, enjoying something and being talented at it are two different things.
“Hmm… how about trying bowling next time?”
“Then everyone would die.”
When I proposed a compromise, he responded with a harsh remark. My eyes widened, and then he naturally smiled and said,
“I’m too good at throwing.”
“Ah… well, it’s good to win.”
“Yeah. It’s good to win.”
I felt uncomfortable but didn’t want to press him further with probing questions. This guy’s words were often confusing.
“Oh, by the way, I think billiards would suit you and hyung well more than bowling.”
In a slightly risky atmosphere, I could picture him casually holding a pool cue. His figure on the billiards table was sensuous even in my imagination. If I let my thoughts wander, I would have been lost in daydreams for a long time. However, he interrupted my reverie by flicking a water droplet and started a conversation.
“What are you thinking that you like it so much?”
“Well… I don’t really like it that much. But hyung seems busy with something. I already know, but can’t you just tell me?”
Tae Seong-je placed his chin on my head and muttered in a slow voice.
“There’s not much I can say to a kid.”
It was almost like he was talking to himself, but I found his words bewildering.
“You keep treating me like that kid.”
His hand, which had been gently massaging my shoulders, had slipped down to my chest unnoticed. The sensation of his hand on my chest had been bothering me for a while, and his words didn’t help.
“You shouldn’t touch a kid like this.”
I pretended to brush away his sticky and persistent hand, and he chuckled as if he found it amusing. I closed my eyes and welcomed his kiss, which was more like a gesture of friendship than a passionate one. After the long kiss ended, he nonchalantly said as if crossing a bridge.
“It’s quite complicated to explain. Even if I tell you, you won’t understand.”
“If you don’t want to talk, don’t. I understand.”
“…I don’t understand why you’re so nonchalant about it.”
What’s he getting at?
“Why? I can be like that.”
“It’s not easy for that to come out so easily.”
He sighed and moved restlessly, causing the water in the bathtub to sway as if it were about to overflow. Fortunately, the bathtub was large and deep. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the atmosphere felt subtly intimate, and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
In an attempt to hide my embarrassment, I tugged at the hem of his sleeve and spoke.
“Hyung, you should take off your clothes too.”
“Why do you want to strip me so much, even in the morning?”
Tae Seong-je teased me with a mischievous remark while gently pinching my palm with his fingers. Somehow… my mind became surprisingly calm. I looked at his hand, which held mine firmly and affectionately. It was a man’s hand, large and with visible veins. And it carried many scars.
“What about you?”
“Yeah?”
“How did you grow up?”
“Hmm…”
He hesitated and made a humming sound before answering. Does he remember his childhood? Or was he too young to recall? When did his memories start? I waited for an answer in silence, and he eventually spoke.
“Just… I grew up among men who were lacking in various ways.”
I thought it wouldn’t be easy, but it was really difficult to get an answer. I let go of my captivated palm and held his hand. With our fingers interlocked, we submerged together in the warm water, surrounded by clouds like foam. The sight of our hands holding tightly through the foam seemed desperate. It felt as if we were drowning together.
“It won’t be any better if you hear it.”
He accepted my silence and continued speaking, pretending not to look at me.
“Hyung, when you don’t want to talk, you always say things like that.”
“Me?”
My hands were going numb, but his motionless attitude was irritating. He wasn’t actually dead, but my heart began to race for some reason. I gently nudged him with my fingers, urging him to move. However, he remained motionless. I felt like I was the only one who was still alive in this situation. I frowned in frustration.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I think I know what you’re worried about now.”
“…”
“Don’t worry. We didn’t start seeing each other based on your profession or personality, so there’s no need to be concerned about that. If I were worried about such things, I wouldn’t have date you in the first place. Anyway, my feelings haven’t changed.”
“…I don’t know if I should like this or not. But let’s quit smoking.”
“Suddenly?”
The flow of the conversation felt strange, and I furrowed my brow unconsciously. Regardless, he said firmly,
“I’m quitting now, so you should too. No, just because I’m quitting doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.”
“Follow what? Well, I don’t really need to quit. But you’ve mentioned quitting smoking a few times, can you really do it?”
“Yeah. I’m determined to quit, even if it kills me.”
“To that extent…”
Seems like he’s really made up his mind this time…
“Hyung, you know…”
There was no response, but I smiled as his hand gently clasped my hand, and I closed my eyes.
“It seems like we’ve been lacking in conversation.”
“Hmm. You just realized that now?”
“No more sarcasm.”
As I splashed water behind me, he mischievously laughed. I leaned in to listen to his low voice and looked up at the dark sky. Lately, the nights had been clear. Countless stars shone brightly, and I found myself lost in contemplation of constellations for a while before speaking up.
“I wanted to buy you a gift. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so it was difficult to choose. We’ve been meeting so well without knowing each other’s preferences. Was it okay for us not to meet frequently?”
“I know.”
What does he know? When I turned my head, our lips accidentally touched. The unexpected sensation left me flustered, and I quickly moved away, causing him to chuckle and tease me.
“I know your preferences.”
I was at a loss for words while muttering to myself that he had a knack for surprising people. It wasn’t because he was too confident; it was because I couldn’t deny his words. I was too weak when it came to him.
“I also know you prefer red bean over cream.”
“Huh? How did you know that?”
“I bought various types of bread, and you only chose that one. And also…”
He continued to list my preferences as if it were nothing, even those I didn’t know myself. He recited them without hesitation, and it felt like he had more fingers than I could count.
“It seems like you’re the only one who doesn’t know anything about me. You should pay more attention to your lover.”
“Wow…”
“If you have time to focus on other things, use it on me.”
I was so amazed that my eyes lit up with admiration.
“It’s really amazing. Hyung, is it possible to conduct a background investigation on something like that?”
“It’s possible. But I don’t need to know everything…”
I just laughed when the blatantly crackly voice didn’t continue. He could have lied and gotten away with it, but it seemed like he had stopped concealing his thoughts from the moment I had already figured it out. His hand, which had been gently caressing my body, also stiffened.
“You heard me, I was observing. …not investigating.”
It’s easy to pass it off as nothing when you just hear it, but once you scrutinize it, the hidden meaning becomes clear. For example, did he observe some things and investigate the rest? An uncomfortable feeling rose within me, and I nervously wiggled my toes. Anyway, his attitude and words were confusing. Had he always spoken like this?
“I saw it in a movie; all gangsters are like that. But I thought it was just a prejudice.”
“…”
“Hyung, you seem to know me so well…”
No matter how large the bathtub was, it was still cramped for two adult men. I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable as I leaned awkwardly against his knees. My gaze inadvertently moved from his knees, which were bent uncomfortably, to his thighs. His soaked suit pants clung tightly to his skin. When the sound of splashing water echoed especially loudly, I realized how long this awkward pause had lasted and hurriedly resumed speaking.
“I knew you were quick-witted, but I didn’t know you had such keen observation skills.”
“Do you feel uncomfortable?”
Why was he asking such a question here? I hesitated for a moment and realized that, in a normal relationship, I should have been the one feeling uncomfortable. In that case, should I pretend to be upset? But no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with any negative feelings. Even so, I decided to speak, fearing that a wrong answer here might lead to another argument.
“When you date a busy person, you should know how to wait, and if your lover is a gangster, you should accept it as fate.”
“You’re not, hu… a kid.”
Thank goodness. He just meant to take it positively. But why did even his sigh sound like an insult? Strange. Anyway, I changed the topic to refresh the atmosphere.
“What’s your hobby, hyung?”
“Golf.”
Tae Seong-je answered quickly as if he had been waiting for this question. His attitude was a bit unfamiliar. I didn’t recall him answering so promptly before.
Golf. Golf… I imagined him in golf attire, which I had never seen before. It might be a bit old-fashioned, but it suits him. I had wanted to see him dressed like that someday.
“You.”
“Me? Well… studying?”
Solving past exam questions… I wasn’t sure if I could call that a hobby, so I trailed off at the end of my sentence. My uninteresting answer almost killed the conversation, but he breathed life back into it.
“There are more.”
“Me?”
“You play with toys at home, right? That can be a hobby too.”
I felt like he was treating me like a 7-year-old, but there was no playfulness in his voice.
“That’s more of an attempt to stop overthinking things than a hobby. I tend to have a lot of thoughts.”
“You exercise. You run around in the park when you have nothing else to do.”
“Can jumping rope be considered a hobby? But that’s also to stop overthinking things. I’m just doing it for my overall health… There’s really nothing I do for fun. Wow, I sound so boring. Maybe I should pick up a new sport or something. Do you enjoy golf, hyung? Should I give it a try too?”
“If you want to try it, I’ll find out for you. Wanna do it together?”
“Can’t we do it where you usually go?”
“The mountains are dangerous for you.”
Why did the topic of mountains come up again? I felt uneasy but decided to move on for now.
“Do you play golf well?”
“I’m not that good. My shots don’t go very far.”
Was that the sound of a bad swing? Something seemed off. Nonetheless, I found it amusing to picture him in front of me, struggling with a stationary golf ball.
“Really? You can’t even make it go straight?”
“I hit the ball well.”
“Is this some kind of nonsense quiz?”
Or was the ball just rolling without being hit? Well, enjoying something and being talented at it are two different things.
“Hmm… how about trying bowling next time?”
“Then everyone would die.”
When I proposed a compromise, he responded with a harsh remark. My eyes widened, and then he naturally smiled and said,
“I’m too good at throwing.”
“Ah… well, it’s good to win.”
“Yeah. It’s good to win.”
I felt uncomfortable but didn’t want to press him further with probing questions. This guy’s words were often confusing.
“Oh, by the way, I think billiards would suit you and hyung well more than bowling.”
In a slightly risky atmosphere, I could picture him casually holding a pool cue. His figure on the billiards table was sensuous even in my imagination. If I let my thoughts wander, I would have been lost in daydreams for a long time. However, he interrupted my reverie by flicking a water droplet and started a conversation.
“What are you thinking that you like it so much?”
“Well… I don’t really like it that much. But hyung seems busy with something. I already know, but can’t you just tell me?”
Tae Seong-je placed his chin on my head and muttered in a slow voice.
“There’s not much I can say to a kid.”
It was almost like he was talking to himself, but I found his words bewildering.
“You keep treating me like that kid.”
His hand, which had been gently massaging my shoulders, had slipped down to my chest unnoticed. The sensation of his hand on my chest had been bothering me for a while, and his words didn’t help.
“You shouldn’t touch a kid like this.”
I pretended to brush away his sticky and persistent hand, and he chuckled as if he found it amusing. I closed my eyes and welcomed his kiss, which was more like a gesture of friendship than a passionate one. After the long kiss ended, he nonchalantly said as if crossing a bridge.
“It’s quite complicated to explain. Even if I tell you, you won’t understand.”
“If you don’t want to talk, don’t. I understand.”
“…I don’t understand why you’re so nonchalant about it.”
What’s he getting at?
“Why? I can be like that.”
“It’s not easy for that to come out so easily.”
He sighed and moved restlessly, causing the water in the bathtub to sway as if it were about to overflow. Fortunately, the bathtub was large and deep. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the atmosphere felt subtly intimate, and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
In an attempt to hide my embarrassment, I tugged at the hem of his sleeve and spoke.
“Hyung, you should take off your clothes too.”
“Why do you want to strip me so much, even in the morning?”
Tae Seong-je teased me with a mischievous remark while gently pinching my palm with his fingers. Somehow… my mind became surprisingly calm. I looked at his hand, which held mine firmly and affectionately. It was a man’s hand, large and with visible veins. And it carried many scars.
“What about you?”
“Yeah?”
“How did you grow up?”
“Hmm…”
He hesitated and made a humming sound before answering. Does he remember his childhood? Or was he too young to recall? When did his memories start? I waited for an answer in silence, and he eventually spoke.
“Just… I grew up among men who were lacking in various ways.”
I thought it wouldn’t be easy, but it was really difficult to get an answer. I let go of my captivated palm and held his hand. With our fingers interlocked, we submerged together in the warm water, surrounded by clouds like foam. The sight of our hands holding tightly through the foam seemed desperate. It felt as if we were drowning together.
“It won’t be any better if you hear it.”
He accepted my silence and continued speaking, pretending not to look at me.
“Hyung, when you don’t want to talk, you always say things like that.”
“Me?”
My hands were going numb, but his motionless attitude was irritating. He wasn’t actually dead, but my heart began to race for some reason. I gently nudged him with my fingers, urging him to move. However, he remained motionless. I felt like I was the only one who was still alive in this situation. I frowned in frustration.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I think I know what you’re worried about now.”
“…”
“Don’t worry. We didn’t start seeing each other based on your profession or personality, so there’s no need to be concerned about that. If I were worried about such things, I wouldn’t have date you in the first place. Anyway, my feelings haven’t changed.”
“…I don’t know if I should like this or not. But let’s quit smoking.”
“Suddenly?”
The flow of the conversation felt strange, and I furrowed my brow unconsciously. Regardless, he said firmly,
“I’m quitting now, so you should too. No, just because I’m quitting doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.”
“Follow what? Well, I don’t really need to quit. But you’ve mentioned quitting smoking a few times, can you really do it?”
“Yeah. I’m determined to quit, even if it kills me.”
“To that extent…”
Seems like he’s really made up his mind this time…
