Ke Jing was right about something: Shen You was a man who wanted nothing more than to protect his pride, hiding anything and everything inside his heart. Without ever letting on to what he was feeling, with time, it would grow until it was like something was constantly stuck in his throat, unable to be spat out or swallowed down.
If the alcohol had not gotten to his head, this thorn would never have been taken out.
Gu Lai didn’t know that the person who deleted him off the friend list was Tang Yi Shan and so he reached over to grab Shen You’s phone. He added himself back, turning the screen towards Shen You and said,
“Next time when you’re angry, you can just tell me why. Don’t delete me……”
He always spoke so warmly and gently, in a way that brought about an air of seriousness with an innocent idiocy to him.
Shen You thought to himself, I didn’t delete you, but in the end, he didn’t explain anything. Half of his face was covered in Gu Lai’s shadow, which also hid part of his fierce looking eyes that somehow seemed to be very calm today.
Gu Lai was still embracing Shen You, which was an experience that felt a bit interesting and strange. His fingers caressed the back of Shen You’s head, before travelling to his ears, his shoulders, and down until he didn’t have the confidence to continue, stopping by his waist.
Shen You thought, this idiot is harassing me again, and it’s that especially low level form, only having the courage to hug and touch me but not kiss.
He pouted, a bit disgusted by the smell of alcohol coming from himself, and closed his eyes as he hoarsely said,
“Let me borrow your shower for a while.”
Gu Lai let go of Shen You at that,
“Sure, if you need anything, let me know.”
Shen You did indeed need something, and his eyes started to look at everything but Gu Lai,
“You…… Let me borrow your pyjamas.”
Gu Lai rose up and rummaged through his closet before realizing that he hadn’t bought any new clothes recently. So, he grabbed a loose fit cotton shirt and pants and turned around to look at Shen You as he said,
“Is it ok if it’s a pair I’ve worn before?”
Shen You was a “princess”, in that where and what he ate, what he wore, it all had to be up to standard – he would never wear other people’s clothes; but of course, there were exceptions, such as now.
He accepted the clothes Gu Lai was handing him and said with his head lowered so his expression couldn’t be seen,
“Then I’m going to wash up now.”
Tonight the moon wasn’t very round, being half hidden in the clouds. The leaves on the sycamore trees on the sides of the road were already turning yellow and highlighted by the ice-cold rays of the moon. They swayed with each gust of the wind, covering the silence of the night.
Sitting on the side of the bed, Gu Lai thought that time had really passed very quickly. When he first arrived, the leaves were still bright green and in a blink of an eye, they were already turning yellow. Likewise, the time a human lives was too short – it could be as long as a hundred years but it could also be as short as a few years.
Shen You was also thinking about something, with his back against the door and his eyes lowered. Out of habit, he reached into his pockets but found nothing there and he could only take off his clothes and shower.
He couldn’t stand hot temperatures so even if there was a blizzard outside, his shower would only become barely warm at most.
Standing under the shower, he let the water flow down his head, causing wet strands of hair to stick to his face. But he just flipped his hair backwards, revealing his sharp looking eyes. With his looks, he wasn’t said to be a gentle man; most of the elderly folks would say that such a strong and distinctive face was all too brittle, which, thinking back, had some degree of truth to it.
The hearts of teenagers were the most pure; all their bravery and courage were accumulated in those years – fearing nothing, not even death. Shen You had once been like that, but it had all burned up during the fire that happened several years ago.
He tried to think, ruminating down the depths of his mind, what kind of a man was Gu Lai in the beginning?
He didn’t seem to be that special, with only a face that was more handsome than others and a sweet-talking mouth. Everything else seemed to be blank – nothing else left much of an impression. But relationships were like that in university – there didn’t need to be much reason to be together; the only way to tell if it was actually love was all based on fate.
When the dorms caught on fire, numerous heavy things had fallen from above, and something just so happened to hit him right in the back. If it had just been a tiny inch off, it would have hurt his spine and he would have been paralyzed for the rest of his life. Even so, with the wounds he has now, it was enough to make him suffer from pain and be hospitalized for an entire year.
That entire year….. he was filled with so much hatred, enough to want to tear the skin off of Gu Lai and eat the rest of him. Only then would it seem to resolve the deep hatred in his heart.
Shen You had never considered himself a pushover. He couldn’t stand the idea of scumbag Casanovas with girls who would bend over themselves to get their affection, letting them walk over them. So he had never thought that he would fall in love with Gu Lai again. Who would even believe those words.
And then after a while, he thought again.
Gu Lai just needs to keep his amnesia. That wouldn’t be bad. He’ll be a bit dumb but somehow quite attractive. But the most important part was that he cared and was attracted to him.
Just have to treat it as if it was a brand new start.
Wiping his hair dry as he walked out of the bathroom, Shen You wore Gu Lai’s clothes which were a bit too loose on him, but it didn’t matter. With the dampness and steam coming off of him, his skin looked very pale. Leaning against the door, he said to Gu Lai,
“I’m done. You can take your turn now.”
He was sober now, so his cocky and arrogant attitude was back on board. Only, this time, his eyes kept going back to Gu Lai; he would take a look, then quickly glance away before taking another look and then moving away again.
Gu Lai recalled the way Shen You had been crying just before and suddenly smiled. He grabbed another set of clothes from his closet, preparing to go wash up when his wrist was caught by Shen You just as he passed through the door.
Gu Lai reflexively looked over to him,
“What’s wrong?”
But Shen You didn’t look at him, only staring at the blurry shadow of the trees through the windows. After a moment of silence, he said at random with lowered eyes,
“Gu Lai, as long as you behave, I can give everything to you. Whether you want money or my life, it will be fine.”
This was true. When he liked someone, it was a like that embodied his being, one that would have him scoop out his own heart without a care if the other so desired.
Shen You’s voice was light, so light that it was like a barely felt breeze. But his fingers were tightening their grasp and his voice became darker,
“But if you do something that wrongs me, I will not let you or it go……”
This was also true.
Hearing this, Gu Lai retracted his leg that had gone past the door. He held onto Shen You’s shoulders, faintly realizing that the man in front of him was very insecure. He gently hugged him,
“I will treat you very well. And! And I will never wrong you. From now on, what is mine will be yours.”
Head against the other’s shoulders, Shen You nodded,
“What’s mine will also be yours.”
Gu Lai corrected,
“No, yours will still be yours.”
He used his palms to touch Shen You’s icy cold cheeks, staring down at Shen You’s confused expression and corrected him,
“What’s mine is yours. Yours will still be yours.”
Gu Lai was very proud of how conscientious he was being. After a moment of hesitation, he ruffled Shen You’s hair and said,
“I’m going to take a shower.”
The bathroom door was closed with a soft bang, waking Shen You up from his daze. With a few steps, he slowly fell back onto the bed and then grabbed a pillow before rolling once around and then another roll, over and over again.
Fuck.
There was only this curse in Shen You’s mind.
By the time they were headed to sleep, it was already past 1 am. They turned off the lights and the room descended into darkness. Shen You had always been a light sleeper and now he couldn’t even fall asleep. He rustled around in the darkness, his brain still in an active state.
Gu Lai said lightly,
“Can’t sleep?”
Shen You paused,
“A bit.”
Gu Lai was originally lying down on his back, but the moment he heard Shen You, he turned to his side to face him, his eyes shining in the dark,
“I actually can’t sleep either.”
He had not slept before because there had been no necessary reason to. Not sleeping today was really because he was not able to fall asleep and he didn’t want to forcefully turn on the deep sleep module in his programming.
This was a very weird feeling.
Normally at this time, Shen You would be taking a smoke, but right now, he definitely didn’t have any on him. Whatever he thought of then, he poked Gu Lai in the arm,
“Hey, didn’t you take a box of cigarettes from me at the movie theatre the other day? You still haven’t returned it back to me.”
Gu Lai of course remembered and he recalled that he had said he would hold on to it for Shen You. And now that box of cigarettes was still quietly sitting in his drawer.
“You want to smoke?”
Shen You narrowed his eyes, raising an eyebrow as he said,
“Are you gonna give it to me?”
Gu Lai thought about it,
“I can give you a stick.”
Shen You could smell the faint scent of a shower from Gu Lai’s body and he came closer to the other man until their arms were pressed together. He “very goodheartedly” warned,
“I’m pretty sure those were my cigarettes.”
Gu Lai didn’t respond.
Shen You asked,
“Do you want me to quit?”
Gu Lai nodded his head.
Shen You was in quite a good mood to say,
“Fine, I will quit.”
A tingling feeling came over Gu Lai then and he pinched his blushing ears, feeling a bit bad. He gently asked,
“I want to hug you. Can I?”
Shen You couldn’t hear anything but his own rapid heartbeat at that moment. He silently covered his face, thinking to himself why did he have to ask about these kinds of things beforehand.
With a strong force, he grabbed Gu Lai’s hands and put them on his waist. He said with a slightly mean and authoritative tone,
“Next time, you shouldn’t need to ask for these kinds of things.”
Gu Lai slowly tightened his embrace, at the perfect distance where his chin could rest on Shen You’s shoulder and let him quite clearly feel the bone structure. He used his fingers to meticulously measure before saying,
“You are a bit too lean.”
Shen You unhappily raised his eyebrows and said,
“So?”
Gu Lai said, “How about I continue making you breakfast tomorrow?”
Shen You suddenly didn’t want to speak after that, as if all the air had been taken out of him. He bonelessly laid in Gu Lai’s embrace, like a cat pawing and meowing, rustling around with an awkward air,
“Don’t you have to go to class? I can just order delivery for myself. It’s fine.”
Right now, Gu Lai was actually already halfway through the practical experience phase in his lessons, so it didn’t matter too much whether he attended his classes or not. The teacher of chinese cuisine at the school, seeing his potential, had recommended him as an assistant to the master chef at a friend’s restaurant—a place that was steeped in history, being more than a hundred years old. After he gets hired as an actual employee, his salary would also be very high.
“It’s no problem.”
At that moment, Gu Lai suddenly understood what was attractive about humans. His gaze scanned over Shen You’s face, feeling that it was quite refined and handsome,
“My classes will be fine. They are quite loose with the rules.”
Shen You’s heart was bursting with joy,
“That training class you are taking, when does it end?”
Gu Lai said, “Soon, in less than half a month.”
Shen You, questioning in doubt, “Training courses are that short?”
Gu Lai: “Because I’m pretty smart, I don’t need to practice my basic skills like the others.”
He said it so seriously, in a way that would make anyone who heard him feel that it was a very show off-y and prideful answer.
Shen You grabbed his phone out from under the pillow to take a look at his notifications. With his fingers tapping out a rhythm on the side of his phone, he gave some thought before saying,
“Have you thought about opening a restaurant? There’s a space just by Hua Xing Street, with two levels, and is at quite a suitable location. If you aren’t good with managing a business, you can first find a professional to take care of it for you. Once you get your profits up and going, you can then start thinking about expanding.”
Gu Lai smoothed down Shen You’s slightly ruffled hair,
“But I don’t have enough money. Once I save enough, I’ll open one then.”
“Dumbass.”
Shen You smiled, how could he let Gu Lai shell out his money,
“By the time you save enough, it’ll be too late then. I’ll buy the space for you.”
Gu Lai blinked and quietly said,
“No, I will do my best and earn it myself.”
Shen You was happy but also mad. Bumping their heads together and resting against the other’s forehead, he said,
“Can’t you take it as borrowing money from me?”
Gu Lai shook his head, his voice even quieter now,
“No……”
With a face that was so hot and cold, he looked quite stupid and cute. Shen You’s Adam’s apple moved and he leaned closer into his embrace,
“Why not?”
Gu Lai thought about it,
“Because I can’t be a kept man.”
Ke Jing was right about something: Shen You was a man who wanted nothing more than to protect his pride, hiding anything and everything inside his heart. Without ever letting on to what he was feeling, with time, it would grow until it was like something was constantly stuck in his throat, unable to be spat out or swallowed down.
If the alcohol had not gotten to his head, this thorn would never have been taken out.
Gu Lai didn’t know that the person who deleted him off the friend list was Tang Yi Shan and so he reached over to grab Shen You’s phone. He added himself back, turning the screen towards Shen You and said,
“Next time when you’re angry, you can just tell me why. Don’t delete me……”
He always spoke so warmly and gently, in a way that brought about an air of seriousness with an innocent idiocy to him.
Shen You thought to himself, I didn’t delete you, but in the end, he didn’t explain anything. Half of his face was covered in Gu Lai’s shadow, which also hid part of his fierce looking eyes that somehow seemed to be very calm today.
Gu Lai was still embracing Shen You, which was an experience that felt a bit interesting and strange. His fingers caressed the back of Shen You’s head, before travelling to his ears, his shoulders, and down until he didn’t have the confidence to continue, stopping by his waist.
Shen You thought, this idiot is harassing me again, and it’s that especially low level form, only having the courage to hug and touch me but not kiss.
He pouted, a bit disgusted by the smell of alcohol coming from himself, and closed his eyes as he hoarsely said,
“Let me borrow your shower for a while.”
Gu Lai let go of Shen You at that,
“Sure, if you need anything, let me know.”
Shen You did indeed need something, and his eyes started to look at everything but Gu Lai,
“You…… Let me borrow your pyjamas.”
Gu Lai rose up and rummaged through his closet before realizing that he hadn’t bought any new clothes recently. So, he grabbed a loose fit cotton shirt and pants and turned around to look at Shen You as he said,
“Is it ok if it’s a pair I’ve worn before?”
Shen You was a “princess”, in that where and what he ate, what he wore, it all had to be up to standard – he would never wear other people’s clothes; but of course, there were exceptions, such as now.
He accepted the clothes Gu Lai was handing him and said with his head lowered so his expression couldn’t be seen,
“Then I’m going to wash up now.”
Tonight the moon wasn’t very round, being half hidden in the clouds. The leaves on the sycamore trees on the sides of the road were already turning yellow and highlighted by the ice-cold rays of the moon. They swayed with each gust of the wind, covering the silence of the night.
Sitting on the side of the bed, Gu Lai thought that time had really passed very quickly. When he first arrived, the leaves were still bright green and in a blink of an eye, they were already turning yellow. Likewise, the time a human lives was too short – it could be as long as a hundred years but it could also be as short as a few years.
Shen You was also thinking about something, with his back against the door and his eyes lowered. Out of habit, he reached into his pockets but found nothing there and he could only take off his clothes and shower.
He couldn’t stand hot temperatures so even if there was a blizzard outside, his shower would only become barely warm at most.
Standing under the shower, he let the water flow down his head, causing wet strands of hair to stick to his face. But he just flipped his hair backwards, revealing his sharp looking eyes. With his looks, he wasn’t said to be a gentle man; most of the elderly folks would say that such a strong and distinctive face was all too brittle, which, thinking back, had some degree of truth to it.
The hearts of teenagers were the most pure; all their bravery and courage were accumulated in those years – fearing nothing, not even death. Shen You had once been like that, but it had all burned up during the fire that happened several years ago.
He tried to think, ruminating down the depths of his mind, what kind of a man was Gu Lai in the beginning?
He didn’t seem to be that special, with only a face that was more handsome than others and a sweet-talking mouth. Everything else seemed to be blank – nothing else left much of an impression. But relationships were like that in university – there didn’t need to be much reason to be together; the only way to tell if it was actually love was all based on fate.
When the dorms caught on fire, numerous heavy things had fallen from above, and something just so happened to hit him right in the back. If it had just been a tiny inch off, it would have hurt his spine and he would have been paralyzed for the rest of his life. Even so, with the wounds he has now, it was enough to make him suffer from pain and be hospitalized for an entire year.
That entire year….. he was filled with so much hatred, enough to want to tear the skin off of Gu Lai and eat the rest of him. Only then would it seem to resolve the deep hatred in his heart.
Shen You had never considered himself a pushover. He couldn’t stand the idea of scumbag Casanovas with girls who would bend over themselves to get their affection, letting them walk over them. So he had never thought that he would fall in love with Gu Lai again. Who would even believe those words.
And then after a while, he thought again.
Gu Lai just needs to keep his amnesia. That wouldn’t be bad. He’ll be a bit dumb but somehow quite attractive. But the most important part was that he cared and was attracted to him.
Just have to treat it as if it was a brand new start.
Wiping his hair dry as he walked out of the bathroom, Shen You wore Gu Lai’s clothes which were a bit too loose on him, but it didn’t matter. With the dampness and steam coming off of him, his skin looked very pale. Leaning against the door, he said to Gu Lai,
“I’m done. You can take your turn now.”
He was sober now, so his cocky and arrogant attitude was back on board. Only, this time, his eyes kept going back to Gu Lai; he would take a look, then quickly glance away before taking another look and then moving away again.
Gu Lai recalled the way Shen You had been crying just before and suddenly smiled. He grabbed another set of clothes from his closet, preparing to go wash up when his wrist was caught by Shen You just as he passed through the door.
Gu Lai reflexively looked over to him,
“What’s wrong?”
But Shen You didn’t look at him, only staring at the blurry shadow of the trees through the windows. After a moment of silence, he said at random with lowered eyes,
“Gu Lai, as long as you behave, I can give everything to you. Whether you want money or my life, it will be fine.”
This was true. When he liked someone, it was a like that embodied his being, one that would have him scoop out his own heart without a care if the other so desired.
Shen You’s voice was light, so light that it was like a barely felt breeze. But his fingers were tightening their grasp and his voice became darker,
“But if you do something that wrongs me, I will not let you or it go……”
This was also true.
Hearing this, Gu Lai retracted his leg that had gone past the door. He held onto Shen You’s shoulders, faintly realizing that the man in front of him was very insecure. He gently hugged him,
“I will treat you very well. And! And I will never wrong you. From now on, what is mine will be yours.”
Head against the other’s shoulders, Shen You nodded,
“What’s mine will also be yours.”
Gu Lai corrected,
“No, yours will still be yours.”
He used his palms to touch Shen You’s icy cold cheeks, staring down at Shen You’s confused expression and corrected him,
“What’s mine is yours. Yours will still be yours.”
Gu Lai was very proud of how conscientious he was being. After a moment of hesitation, he ruffled Shen You’s hair and said,
“I’m going to take a shower.”
The bathroom door was closed with a soft bang, waking Shen You up from his daze. With a few steps, he slowly fell back onto the bed and then grabbed a pillow before rolling once around and then another roll, over and over again.
Fuck.
There was only this curse in Shen You’s mind.
By the time they were headed to sleep, it was already past 1 am. They turned off the lights and the room descended into darkness. Shen You had always been a light sleeper and now he couldn’t even fall asleep. He rustled around in the darkness, his brain still in an active state.
Gu Lai said lightly,
“Can’t sleep?”
Shen You paused,
“A bit.”
Gu Lai was originally lying down on his back, but the moment he heard Shen You, he turned to his side to face him, his eyes shining in the dark,
“I actually can’t sleep either.”
He had not slept before because there had been no necessary reason to. Not sleeping today was really because he was not able to fall asleep and he didn’t want to forcefully turn on the deep sleep module in his programming.
This was a very weird feeling.
Normally at this time, Shen You would be taking a smoke, but right now, he definitely didn’t have any on him. Whatever he thought of then, he poked Gu Lai in the arm,
“Hey, didn’t you take a box of cigarettes from me at the movie theatre the other day? You still haven’t returned it back to me.”
Gu Lai of course remembered and he recalled that he had said he would hold on to it for Shen You. And now that box of cigarettes was still quietly sitting in his drawer.
“You want to smoke?”
Shen You narrowed his eyes, raising an eyebrow as he said,
“Are you gonna give it to me?”
Gu Lai thought about it,
“I can give you a stick.”
Shen You could smell the faint scent of a shower from Gu Lai’s body and he came closer to the other man until their arms were pressed together. He “very goodheartedly” warned,
“I’m pretty sure those were my cigarettes.”
Gu Lai didn’t respond.
Shen You asked,
“Do you want me to quit?”
Gu Lai nodded his head.
Shen You was in quite a good mood to say,
“Fine, I will quit.”
A tingling feeling came over Gu Lai then and he pinched his blushing ears, feeling a bit bad. He gently asked,
“I want to hug you. Can I?”
Shen You couldn’t hear anything but his own rapid heartbeat at that moment. He silently covered his face, thinking to himself why did he have to ask about these kinds of things beforehand.
With a strong force, he grabbed Gu Lai’s hands and put them on his waist. He said with a slightly mean and authoritative tone,
“Next time, you shouldn’t need to ask for these kinds of things.”
Gu Lai slowly tightened his embrace, at the perfect distance where his chin could rest on Shen You’s shoulder and let him quite clearly feel the bone structure. He used his fingers to meticulously measure before saying,
“You are a bit too lean.”
Shen You unhappily raised his eyebrows and said,
“So?”
Gu Lai said, “How about I continue making you breakfast tomorrow?”
Shen You suddenly didn’t want to speak after that, as if all the air had been taken out of him. He bonelessly laid in Gu Lai’s embrace, like a cat pawing and meowing, rustling around with an awkward air,
“Don’t you have to go to class? I can just order delivery for myself. It’s fine.”
Right now, Gu Lai was actually already halfway through the practical experience phase in his lessons, so it didn’t matter too much whether he attended his classes or not. The teacher of chinese cuisine at the school, seeing his potential, had recommended him as an assistant to the master chef at a friend’s restaurant—a place that was steeped in history, being more than a hundred years old. After he gets hired as an actual employee, his salary would also be very high.
“It’s no problem.”
At that moment, Gu Lai suddenly understood what was attractive about humans. His gaze scanned over Shen You’s face, feeling that it was quite refined and handsome,
“My classes will be fine. They are quite loose with the rules.”
Shen You’s heart was bursting with joy,
“That training class you are taking, when does it end?”
Gu Lai said, “Soon, in less than half a month.”
Shen You, questioning in doubt, “Training courses are that short?”
Gu Lai: “Because I’m pretty smart, I don’t need to practice my basic skills like the others.”
He said it so seriously, in a way that would make anyone who heard him feel that it was a very show off-y and prideful answer.
Shen You grabbed his phone out from under the pillow to take a look at his notifications. With his fingers tapping out a rhythm on the side of his phone, he gave some thought before saying,
“Have you thought about opening a restaurant? There’s a space just by Hua Xing Street, with two levels, and is at quite a suitable location. If you aren’t good with managing a business, you can first find a professional to take care of it for you. Once you get your profits up and going, you can then start thinking about expanding.”
Gu Lai smoothed down Shen You’s slightly ruffled hair,
“But I don’t have enough money. Once I save enough, I’ll open one then.”
“Dumbass.”
Shen You smiled, how could he let Gu Lai shell out his money,
“By the time you save enough, it’ll be too late then. I’ll buy the space for you.”
Gu Lai blinked and quietly said,
“No, I will do my best and earn it myself.”
Shen You was happy but also mad. Bumping their heads together and resting against the other’s forehead, he said,
“Can’t you take it as borrowing money from me?”
Gu Lai shook his head, his voice even quieter now,
“No……”
With a face that was so hot and cold, he looked quite stupid and cute. Shen You’s Adam’s apple moved and he leaned closer into his embrace,
“Why not?”
Gu Lai thought about it,
“Because I can’t be a kept man.”
