Chapter 169: Heavy Considerations Pt.1
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"What are you thinking about?"
As Ying Yue was massaging Neo's hands she could tell that he was lost in his thoughts. While his face was fairly neutral, the scrunched eyebrows on his face gave it away. Now that his revenge had been done on Zhuang Wei, he should be fairly relaxed. She knew that if he was given more liberty, he would have been three hundred times more "mean" to him. Seeing him struggle so hard to get revenge and also hold himself back for her sake, it gave birth to a weird feeling inside of her.
For one, she was grateful and appreciative that he had gotten revenge for her. There were only so many people in the world who would ensure that you never suffered a loss. Those were Ming Ming and Neo for her and she for them. Yet, just cause they had the understanding and love for it, does not mean that she would not be extremely thankful each time. Being treated so well was not something she could used to so easily.
The second emotion that kept her from being completely warm, is the self-guilt she felt. No matter if it was Zhuang Wei or Xi Long who had initiated the incident today, the root cause was still her. She had not intended to go as far as she did with Xi Long but it was also a weird idea of wanting to enjoy themselves in the moment. In the years she had been alive, she had never met someone like him and she enjoyed their interactions so far. However, that 'p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e' was at the lowest of her priorities. The reason she came to this city and the missions she had to accomplish, all of that should take precedent over her personal life.
It was hard to let yourself get so involved with someone when they proved to be dangerous for you and your team. If she got outed, so would Ming Ming and Neo and that scared the absolute shit out of her. Today they were so close to putting all her operations and core identity into risk. That feeling of approaching death could not be shook off easily. They avoided it today but how many times would they have this positive ending?
She had so many things to consider and the start of it involved distancing herself from Xi Long. The idea of that made her feel stuffy but her mind was leaning towards it aggressively. It didn't help that she had a fair bit of anger left inside of her regarding it all.
Of course she would be angry about it, its just that the amount of anger kept teetering. She could be 'out of her mind furious' but how angry could she be when she was the root cause?
"What am I thinking about? What are you thinking about, you know its not your fault."
Neo's voice broke through her thoughts but she kept her eyes focused on his hands. Applying more pressure into the massage she responded after a pause.
"You know it is, I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. Look how close we were to losing it all...."
"Can you stop on the self-guilt train? You're not at fault, its Zhuang Wei and Xi Long. The same way we are not responsible for the changes in weather just cause we live on this earth. Are you going to take everything onto your shoulders and just live oppressed? First of all what did you do so wrong? Liking a guy who seems like a nice match and who equally is interested in you?? First of all, the way you got this far without romance is quite surprising in itself so why push away a blessing when its at your door."
"...first of all the weather analogy makes no sense and second of all, is it a blessing if we get in danger??" Her voice became more solemn at the end of her words.
"Danger? What is danger? Because our entire lives can technically be classified as danger, when did we even get to sleep peacefully until the last couple of months. We were never afraid to jump into suicide projects because we felt confident that we would make it out fine. Those missions you know our lives were hanging on a thread each time, so where did that confidence go? Plus, any man you get involved with has to be comfortable with danger. Xi Long is a solid choice so far, he doesn't have my stamp of approval but I'm willing to let him be near you."
She could hear the comedic tone at the end of his lecture and a smile threatened to peak out.
"Oh ho, so how does one get your stamp of approval? Didn't know I was rebelling against you for so long."
"....its literally been a month tomorrow since you have met, the stamp of approval can only be given after six months of observation. Plus a one-time payment for processing fees."
"One time payment, how much does that cost? Can I get a discount for knowing you?"
"No discount and only Xi Long can pay, don't worry I will be reasonable. Considering that he's a multi-millionaire I will ask him for something in line with a status. If we go too low, you know it demeans our worth. So don't worry about it, I'll talk to him when the time comes. You just have to sit there and look pretty."
"...so you think I'm pretty?"
That only got a deadpan look from Neo as he glared into the side of her face.
".....as much as you can be, we can't be too harsh on ourselves when it comes to beauty standards okay." He spoke in a pacifying voice as if he was trying to calm a child.
Her response was instant as she pressed aggressively into his hand. She was near the end of rubbing in the medicine but intentionally made it painful. If he wanted to tease her she was no push over. Of course, she was not too harsh about it but pressed hard enough for Neo to feel slight pain.
"Ow ow, give me back my hands. Where did you get this temper from? Ah only our ancestors will know...."
Looking back up at him, she saw him faking a dramatic expression unlike his normal one. It was even more comedic to see than it was for her to hear. Laughing out loud, she let go of his hands and threw them back onto his l.a.p. She flexed her fingers as well and rubbed the left over cream on her hand into her skin. The scent of it was enjoyable and though she was not in pain, there were no side-effects to using it on herself.
"I think you spend too much time with Ming Ming, her dramatic behaviour is rubbing off on you. I almost thought her spirit had slipped into your body for a second."
"I HEARD THAT." There was a shout from afar as Ming Ming jumped into the conversation.
"I SAID IT FOR YOU TO HEAR." Ying Yue shouted back with an amused tone. She knew that everything they were talking about was being overheard by Ming Ming. That girl had run away to the kitchen and stayed there the entire time. It wasn't so far that she could not listen nor was it so far that she could not interrupt either.
"...."
A chuckle left both Ying Yue and Neo from the silence they heard after. They could both imagine her grumbling in the kitchen doing lord know's what. Her not responding back in an aggrieved tone was already a growth on her side.
Neo took back his hands and was massaging it himself in front of her. Looking back at his hands, then to his face, and the screen behind him her usual serious behaviour came back.
"I'm really re-considering it, you know what I hold the most important. Yes, it is a blessing let me agree with you there. However, technically I am not a place to enjoy a relationship and one so early at that. Our missions take precedent and the goal I need to achieve....you know I need to complete it even if I die trying. There is too much blood on their hands for me to let them be free nor do I live a good enough life to live free myself."
"The romance doesn't need to be at the top but you don't have to cut it out exclusively."
"I....can't let this happen again."
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"What are you thinking about?"
As Ying Yue was massaging Neo's hands she could tell that he was lost in his thoughts. While his face was fairly neutral, the scrunched eyebrows on his face gave it away. Now that his revenge had been done on Zhuang Wei, he should be fairly relaxed. She knew that if he was given more liberty, he would have been three hundred times more "mean" to him. Seeing him struggle so hard to get revenge and also hold himself back for her sake, it gave birth to a weird feeling inside of her.
For one, she was grateful and appreciative that he had gotten revenge for her. There were only so many people in the world who would ensure that you never suffered a loss. Those were Ming Ming and Neo for her and she for them. Yet, just cause they had the understanding and love for it, does not mean that she would not be extremely thankful each time. Being treated so well was not something she could used to so easily.
The second emotion that kept her from being completely warm, is the self-guilt she felt. No matter if it was Zhuang Wei or Xi Long who had initiated the incident today, the root cause was still her. She had not intended to go as far as she did with Xi Long but it was also a weird idea of wanting to enjoy themselves in the moment. In the years she had been alive, she had never met someone like him and she enjoyed their interactions so far. However, that 'p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e' was at the lowest of her priorities. The reason she came to this city and the missions she had to accomplish, all of that should take precedent over her personal life.
It was hard to let yourself get so involved with someone when they proved to be dangerous for you and your team. If she got outed, so would Ming Ming and Neo and that scared the absolute shit out of her. Today they were so close to putting all her operations and core identity into risk. That feeling of approaching death could not be shook off easily. They avoided it today but how many times would they have this positive ending?
She had so many things to consider and the start of it involved distancing herself from Xi Long. The idea of that made her feel stuffy but her mind was leaning towards it aggressively. It didn't help that she had a fair bit of anger left inside of her regarding it all.
Of course she would be angry about it, its just that the amount of anger kept teetering. She could be 'out of her mind furious' but how angry could she be when she was the root cause?
"What am I thinking about? What are you thinking about, you know its not your fault."
Neo's voice broke through her thoughts but she kept her eyes focused on his hands. Applying more pressure into the massage she responded after a pause.
"You know it is, I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. Look how close we were to losing it all...."
"Can you stop on the self-guilt train? You're not at fault, its Zhuang Wei and Xi Long. The same way we are not responsible for the changes in weather just cause we live on this earth. Are you going to take everything onto your shoulders and just live oppressed? First of all what did you do so wrong? Liking a guy who seems like a nice match and who equally is interested in you?? First of all, the way you got this far without romance is quite surprising in itself so why push away a blessing when its at your door."
"...first of all the weather analogy makes no sense and second of all, is it a blessing if we get in danger??" Her voice became more solemn at the end of her words.
"Danger? What is danger? Because our entire lives can technically be classified as danger, when did we even get to sleep peacefully until the last couple of months. We were never afraid to jump into suicide projects because we felt confident that we would make it out fine. Those missions you know our lives were hanging on a thread each time, so where did that confidence go? Plus, any man you get involved with has to be comfortable with danger. Xi Long is a solid choice so far, he doesn't have my stamp of approval but I'm willing to let him be near you."
She could hear the comedic tone at the end of his lecture and a smile threatened to peak out.
"Oh ho, so how does one get your stamp of approval? Didn't know I was rebelling against you for so long."
"....its literally been a month tomorrow since you have met, the stamp of approval can only be given after six months of observation. Plus a one-time payment for processing fees."
"One time payment, how much does that cost? Can I get a discount for knowing you?"
"No discount and only Xi Long can pay, don't worry I will be reasonable. Considering that he's a multi-millionaire I will ask him for something in line with a status. If we go too low, you know it demeans our worth. So don't worry about it, I'll talk to him when the time comes. You just have to sit there and look pretty."
"...so you think I'm pretty?"
That only got a deadpan look from Neo as he glared into the side of her face.
".....as much as you can be, we can't be too harsh on ourselves when it comes to beauty standards okay." He spoke in a pacifying voice as if he was trying to calm a child.
Her response was instant as she pressed aggressively into his hand. She was near the end of rubbing in the medicine but intentionally made it painful. If he wanted to tease her she was no push over. Of course, she was not too harsh about it but pressed hard enough for Neo to feel slight pain.
"Ow ow, give me back my hands. Where did you get this temper from? Ah only our ancestors will know...."
Looking back up at him, she saw him faking a dramatic expression unlike his normal one. It was even more comedic to see than it was for her to hear. Laughing out loud, she let go of his hands and threw them back onto his l.a.p. She flexed her fingers as well and rubbed the left over cream on her hand into her skin. The scent of it was enjoyable and though she was not in pain, there were no side-effects to using it on herself.
"I think you spend too much time with Ming Ming, her dramatic behaviour is rubbing off on you. I almost thought her spirit had slipped into your body for a second."
"I HEARD THAT." There was a shout from afar as Ming Ming jumped into the conversation.
"I SAID IT FOR YOU TO HEAR." Ying Yue shouted back with an amused tone. She knew that everything they were talking about was being overheard by Ming Ming. That girl had run away to the kitchen and stayed there the entire time. It wasn't so far that she could not listen nor was it so far that she could not interrupt either.
"...."
A chuckle left both Ying Yue and Neo from the silence they heard after. They could both imagine her grumbling in the kitchen doing lord know's what. Her not responding back in an aggrieved tone was already a growth on her side.
Neo took back his hands and was massaging it himself in front of her. Looking back at his hands, then to his face, and the screen behind him her usual serious behaviour came back.
"I'm really re-considering it, you know what I hold the most important. Yes, it is a blessing let me agree with you there. However, technically I am not a place to enjoy a relationship and one so early at that. Our missions take precedent and the goal I need to achieve....you know I need to complete it even if I die trying. There is too much blood on their hands for me to let them be free nor do I live a good enough life to live free myself."
"The romance doesn't need to be at the top but you don't have to cut it out exclusively."
"I....can't let this happen again."
"What are you thinking about?" As Ying Yue was massaging Neo's hands she could tell that he was lost in his thoughts. While his face was fairly neutral, the scrunched eyebrows on his face gave it away. Now that his revenge had been done on Zhuang Wei, he should be fairly relaxed. She knew that if he was given more liberty, he would have been three hundred times more "mean" to him. Seeing him struggle so hard to get revenge and also hold himself back for her sake, it gave birth to a weird feeling inside of her. For one, she was grateful and appreciative that he had gotten revenge for her. There were only so many people in the world who would ensure that you never suffered a loss. Those were Ming Ming and Neo for her and she for them. Yet, just cause they had the understanding and love for it, does not mean that she would not be extremely thankful each time. Being treated so well was not something she could used to so easily. The second emotion that kept her from being completely warm, is the self-guilt she felt. No matter if it was Zhuang Wei or Xi Long who had initiated the incident today, the root cause was still her. She had not intended to go as far as she did with Xi Long but it was also a weird idea of wanting to enjoy themselves in the moment. In the years she had been alive, she had never met someone like him and she enjoyed their interactions so far. However, that 'p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e' was at the lowest of her priorities. The reason she came to this city and the missions she had to accomplish, all of that should take precedent over her personal life. It was hard to let yourself get so involved with someone when they proved to be dangerous for you and your team. If she got outed, so would Ming Ming and Neo and that scared the absolute shit out of her. Today they were so close to putting all her operations and core identity into risk. That feeling of approaching death could not be shook off easily. They avoided it today but how many times would they have this positive ending? She had so many things to consider and the start of it involved distancing herself from Xi Long. The idea of that made her feel stuffy but her mind was leaning towards it aggressively. It didn't help that she had a fair bit of anger left inside of her regarding it all. Of course she would be angry about it, its just that the amount of anger kept teetering. She could be 'out of her mind furious' but how angry could she be when she was the root cause? "What am I thinking about? What are you thinking about, you know its not your fault." Neo's voice broke through her thoughts but she kept her eyes focused on his hands. Applying more pressure into the massage she responded after a pause. "You know it is, I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. Look how close we were to losing it all...." "Can you stop on the self-guilt train? You're not at fault, its Zhuang Wei and Xi Long. The same way we are not responsible for the changes in weather just cause we live on this earth. Are you going to take everything onto your shoulders and just live oppressed? First of all what did you do so wrong? Liking a guy who seems like a nice match and who equally is interested in you?? First of all, the way you got this far without romance is quite surprising in itself so why push away a blessing when its at your door." "...first of all the weather analogy makes no sense and second of all, is it a blessing if we get in danger??" Her voice became more solemn at the end of her words. "Danger? What is danger? Because our entire lives can technically be classified as danger, when did we even get to sleep peacefully until the last couple of months. We were never afraid to jump into suicide projects because we felt confident that we would make it out fine. Those missions you know our lives were hanging on a thread each time, so where did that confidence go? Plus, any man you get involved with has to be comfortable with danger. Xi Long is a solid choice so far, he doesn't have my stamp of approval but I'm willing to let him be near you." She could hear the comedic tone at the end of his lecture and a smile threatened to peak out. "Oh ho, so how does one get your stamp of approval? Didn't know I was rebelling against you for so long." "....its literally been a month tomorrow since you have met, the stamp of approval can only be given after six months of observation. Plus a one-time payment for processing fees." "One time payment, how much does that cost? Can I get a discount for knowing you?" "No discount and only Xi Long can pay, don't worry I will be reasonable. Considering that he's a multi-millionaire I will ask him for something in line with a status. If we go too low, you know it demeans our worth. So don't worry about it, I'll talk to him when the time comes. You just have to sit there and look pretty." "...so you think I'm pretty?" That only got a deadpan look from Neo as he glared into the side of her face. ".....as much as you can be, we can't be too harsh on ourselves when it comes to beauty standards okay." He spoke in a pacifying voice as if he was trying to calm a child. Her response was instant as she pressed aggressively into his hand. She was near the end of rubbing in the medicine but intentionally made it painful. If he wanted to tease her she was no push over. Of course, she was not too harsh about it but pressed hard enough for Neo to feel slight pain. "Ow ow, give me back my hands. Where did you get this temper from? Ah only our ancestors will know...." Looking back up at him, she saw him faking a dramatic expression unlike his normal one. It was even more comedic to see than it was for her to hear. Laughing out loud, she let go of his hands and threw them back onto his l.a.p. She flexed her fingers as well and rubbed the left over cream on her hand into her skin. The scent of it was enjoyable and though she was not in pain, there were no side-effects to using it on herself. "I think you spend too much time with Ming Ming, her dramatic behaviour is rubbing off on you. I almost thought her spirit had slipped into your body for a second." "I HEARD THAT." There was a shout from afar as Ming Ming jumped into the conversation. "I SAID IT FOR YOU TO HEAR." Ying Yue shouted back with an amused tone. She knew that everything they were talking about was being overheard by Ming Ming. That girl had run away to the kitchen and stayed there the entire time. It wasn't so far that she could not listen nor was it so far that she could not interrupt either. "...." A chuckle left both Ying Yue and Neo from the silence they heard after. They could both imagine her grumbling in the kitchen doing lord know's what. Her not responding back in an aggrieved tone was already a growth on her side. Neo took back his hands and was massaging it himself in front of her. Looking back at his hands, then to his face, and the screen behind him her usual serious behaviour came back. "I'm really re-considering it, you know what I hold the most important. Yes, it is a blessing let me agree with you there. However, technically I am not a place to enjoy a relationship and one so early at that. Our missions take precedent and the goal I need to achieve....you know I need to complete it even if I die trying. There is too much blood on their hands for me to let them be free nor do I live a good enough life to live free myself." "The romance doesn't need to be at the top but you don't have to cut it out exclusively." "I....can't let this happen again."
