Muffled party music mixed seamlessly with the chatter of the porch stoners. Dani looked down at the magician, who she had confirmed was Rachel pouting on the low-rise railing. She was excited to see a familiar face after drunkenly meandering the past hour through wastes of college students.
Rachel was staring up at her, waiting for a response.
“Um, yeah!” Dani managed to squeak out in a mix of her two voices. “How have you been?”
Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have asked that. Simon made it seem like the breakup didn’t go so well…
“I’m alright…” Rachel said while breaking eye contact.
Dani wasn’t convinced.
“What about you?” The magician asked. “You look… Wait, is that makeup?”
“Yeah!” Dani said. She had spent the last hour begging for someone to notice the work she had put in, though now face to face with confrontation, she grew nervous. “I, umm… Like, it’s part of the costume, ya know?”
“Got it,” Rachel said. “It just took me a while to recognize you and I wasn’t sure why.” She took an exaggerated breath before asking another question. “So did you come here with people?”
She must mean Simon. Probably doesn’t want to run into him. Or maybe she wants him to be here so she can tell him off!
“Kinda. It’s just me and Ryan.” Dan said. “Simon was sick or something.”
Rachel’s eyes relaxed. “Gotcha. So where’s Ryan then? Why are you out here in no man’s land?”
“Ryan was…” Dani wanted to spill everything that was going on then and there. If she had one more drink she might have, but she held her tongue… Mostly. “Ryan was pissing me off.”
“Woah,” Rachel said.
“Sorry, that was too harsh,” Dani said and nervously laughed.
“No! I totally get what you mean. Ryan can be very energetic at these things.” Rachel patted the railing next to her. “Here, you can sit for a bit. You look a little wobbly.”
Dani realized she was leaning to her left at an angle she didn’t think was possible. She graciously accepted Rachel’s offer and sat down next to her. Their height difference was immediately apparent again, with Rachel looking down and Dani looking up to make eye contact. And the top hat didn’t make things any better.
“I was only surprised because I’m not used to you being so vocal,” Rachel resumed her point. “You’ve usually so quiet and chill.”
“I guess I’ve been drinking a bit…” Dani said while staring at her cup.
“Right, alcohol,” Rachel said. “You were pretty fun on the night of the blackout too when you were drinking so I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Really? I was fun?” Dani was excited and confused at being referred to that way. Usually everyone called her… Well usually nobody even bothered referring to her, let alone describing her.
“Of course!” Rachel said. “You’re a really cool guy, Danny. You’ve always been chill and nice to me.”
Right. A guy.
Dani feigned a smile and did her best to not burst into tears. The whole night had been a wreck and the one bright moment was being used as a weapon to remind her what she was in everyone’s eyes.
“Thanks,” She whispered.
“So what was Ryan doing?” Rachel asked. “Yelling too loud during beer pong? Or was he flirting with a girl and showing off too much. I swear, he can– Woah, are you okay?”
It was all too much. Remembering how embarrassed Ryan looked to be seen with her. How her parents didn’t even want her to come home for Thanksgiving. Being called a “really cool guy” by Rachel just a second ago. And now, picturing Ryan flirting with other girls and having a good time without her. She couldn’t hold back her tears.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” Rachel said. She gently set her hand on Dani’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? Did you drink too much?”
Dani took a deep, shaky breath, refusing to let it reach the point of sobbing. The huddled smoker’s group hadn’t seemed to notice anything wrong yet and she had to keep it that way, or be forever labeled as the weird femmy dude who cried at a costume party.
“Yeah, I drank too much is all.” Dani was grateful for the easy excuse Rachel had given her.
“Here, drink some of this,” Rachel said. From the other side of her she pulled a water bottle and handed it to Dani.
She reluctantly accepted and took a sip.
It’s incredible how she’s being so nice to me, after how things went with her and Simon.
“Sorry for being a mess,” Dani said.
“No! I’ve had nights just like this, I promise.” Rachel took off her top hat, leaving a mess of tangled blonde hair in its place. She set it in her lap and leaned back over the dark yard behind them.
Dani could tell her positivity was forced. The way her stare wandered to the floor whenever she spoke, how her smiles faded as soon as they appeared. She admired how Rachel was putting aside what must have been an awful night for her too, all to make Dani feel better.
It was an example of the type of woman Dani wanted to be. Someone who would look out for people in pain, even if she was hurting. Feelings of kinship started to form for Dani, one sided as they may have been. She didn’t want it to end like that. A drunk night of her complaining and Rachel soothing her. She wanted to help Rachel too. Not only that, she wanted Rachel to see her for who she really was, or at least who she strived to be. She could only think of one sure way to do that.
What’s a party without a few regrets?
“Rachel…” Dani started. Before she could figure out if it was a good idea, words kept spilling out. “I’m actually, like, umm…” She gulped down half of the water bottle and sighed. “I’m sort of transitioning. Like. I’m taking hormones and stuff. Estrogen.”
That came out better the first two times…
Rachel just tilted her head. “Are you serious?”.
Dani nodded.
“Huh.” She stopped leaning back and straightened upright with incredible posture. “That actually… Makes sense?”
“What?” Dani said. She looked around and remembered with horror that other people were on the porch. Thankfully, they seemed to be engrossed in whatever they were discussing, as not a single one was looking at her.
“Yeah, I can see it.” Rachel put her hat back on. “I’m a little shocked you’re the first person like that I’ve met, to be honest. All I hear about these days are trans people.”
Dani sighed. “Ah, yeah I wish it were different to be honest. Sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s not like you control the media,” Rachel said. “You don’t, right?”
Rachel looked stern for a second before softening again with a laugh. “I’m just kidding, sorry. I shouldn’t joke that soon after you share something like that.”
Unsure of what to say, Dani just laughed. “It’s still a better reaction than my parents had.”
“Oh,” Rachel said. “Right, Simon mentioned you and your parents didn’t get along. I guess that’s why.”
Dani murmured in agreement.
Well this is going a lot better than I expected. I should get drunk and come out at work! Wait no. You’re not allowed to be drunk at work.
“Still, thanks for trusting me with something like that,” Rachel said. “To be honest I didn’t expect to really interact with you ever again after Simon…”
“I guess I didn’t expect to see you a whole lot, either,” Dani said.
“Ya know what?” Rachel stood up. “We should hang out! Like, outside of parties. If you ever want someone to go shopping with, or to just shit talk your roommates, I’m your gal.” She held out her hand to help Dani get up as well. “What do you say, Da– Wait, should I call you Danny still?”
Dani accepted the hand and stood up alongside Rachel. “Dani is good! D-A-N-I. But still the same I guess.”
“Got it. Now, let’s try and recover this night a bit.” Rachel walked into the middle of the huddled group. As soon as she got near they split and made room for her. “Hey, you guys didn’t smoke everything I gave you, right?”
The guy in the pinwheel hat spoke. “Sorry Raych. I’ll pay you back I swear.”
She groaned and walked back to Dani, taking her hand once more. “Whatever. Come on, I have some in my car.”
“Wait, what are we doing?” Dani asked.
“We’re gonna smoke and forget about your annoying-ass roommates.”
And with that, she dragged Dani off the porch and into the yard.
Muffled party music mixed seamlessly with the chatter of the porch stoners. Dani looked down at the magician, who she had confirmed was Rachel pouting on the low-rise railing. She was excited to see a familiar face after drunkenly meandering the past hour through wastes of college students.
Rachel was staring up at her, waiting for a response.
“Um, yeah!” Dani managed to squeak out in a mix of her two voices. “How have you been?”
Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have asked that. Simon made it seem like the breakup didn’t go so well…
“I’m alright…” Rachel said while breaking eye contact.
Dani wasn’t convinced.
“What about you?” The magician asked. “You look… Wait, is that makeup?”
“Yeah!” Dani said. She had spent the last hour begging for someone to notice the work she had put in, though now face to face with confrontation, she grew nervous. “I, umm… Like, it’s part of the costume, ya know?”
“Got it,” Rachel said. “It just took me a while to recognize you and I wasn’t sure why.” She took an exaggerated breath before asking another question. “So did you come here with people?”
She must mean Simon. Probably doesn’t want to run into him. Or maybe she wants him to be here so she can tell him off!
“Kinda. It’s just me and Ryan.” Dan said. “Simon was sick or something.”
Rachel’s eyes relaxed. “Gotcha. So where’s Ryan then? Why are you out here in no man’s land?”
“Ryan was…” Dani wanted to spill everything that was going on then and there. If she had one more drink she might have, but she held her tongue… Mostly. “Ryan was pissing me off.”
“Woah,” Rachel said.
“Sorry, that was too harsh,” Dani said and nervously laughed.
“No! I totally get what you mean. Ryan can be very energetic at these things.” Rachel patted the railing next to her. “Here, you can sit for a bit. You look a little wobbly.”
Dani realized she was leaning to her left at an angle she didn’t think was possible. She graciously accepted Rachel’s offer and sat down next to her. Their height difference was immediately apparent again, with Rachel looking down and Dani looking up to make eye contact. And the top hat didn’t make things any better.
“I was only surprised because I’m not used to you being so vocal,” Rachel resumed her point. “You’ve usually so quiet and chill.”
“I guess I’ve been drinking a bit…” Dani said while staring at her cup.
“Right, alcohol,” Rachel said. “You were pretty fun on the night of the blackout too when you were drinking so I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Really? I was fun?” Dani was excited and confused at being referred to that way. Usually everyone called her… Well usually nobody even bothered referring to her, let alone describing her.
“Of course!” Rachel said. “You’re a really cool guy, Danny. You’ve always been chill and nice to me.”
Right. A guy.
Dani feigned a smile and did her best to not burst into tears. The whole night had been a wreck and the one bright moment was being used as a weapon to remind her what she was in everyone’s eyes.
“Thanks,” She whispered.
“So what was Ryan doing?” Rachel asked. “Yelling too loud during beer pong? Or was he flirting with a girl and showing off too much. I swear, he can– Woah, are you okay?”
It was all too much. Remembering how embarrassed Ryan looked to be seen with her. How her parents didn’t even want her to come home for Thanksgiving. Being called a “really cool guy” by Rachel just a second ago. And now, picturing Ryan flirting with other girls and having a good time without her. She couldn’t hold back her tears.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” Rachel said. She gently set her hand on Dani’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? Did you drink too much?”
Dani took a deep, shaky breath, refusing to let it reach the point of sobbing. The huddled smoker’s group hadn’t seemed to notice anything wrong yet and she had to keep it that way, or be forever labeled as the weird femmy dude who cried at a costume party.
“Yeah, I drank too much is all.” Dani was grateful for the easy excuse Rachel had given her.
“Here, drink some of this,” Rachel said. From the other side of her she pulled a water bottle and handed it to Dani.
She reluctantly accepted and took a sip.
It’s incredible how she’s being so nice to me, after how things went with her and Simon.
“Sorry for being a mess,” Dani said.
“No! I’ve had nights just like this, I promise.” Rachel took off her top hat, leaving a mess of tangled blonde hair in its place. She set it in her lap and leaned back over the dark yard behind them.
Dani could tell her positivity was forced. The way her stare wandered to the floor whenever she spoke, how her smiles faded as soon as they appeared. She admired how Rachel was putting aside what must have been an awful night for her too, all to make Dani feel better.
It was an example of the type of woman Dani wanted to be. Someone who would look out for people in pain, even if she was hurting. Feelings of kinship started to form for Dani, one sided as they may have been. She didn’t want it to end like that. A drunk night of her complaining and Rachel soothing her. She wanted to help Rachel too. Not only that, she wanted Rachel to see her for who she really was, or at least who she strived to be. She could only think of one sure way to do that.
What’s a party without a few regrets?
“Rachel…” Dani started. Before she could figure out if it was a good idea, words kept spilling out. “I’m actually, like, umm…” She gulped down half of the water bottle and sighed. “I’m sort of transitioning. Like. I’m taking hormones and stuff. Estrogen.”
That came out better the first two times…
Rachel just tilted her head. “Are you serious?”.
Dani nodded.
“Huh.” She stopped leaning back and straightened upright with incredible posture. “That actually… Makes sense?”
“What?” Dani said. She looked around and remembered with horror that other people were on the porch. Thankfully, they seemed to be engrossed in whatever they were discussing, as not a single one was looking at her.
“Yeah, I can see it.” Rachel put her hat back on. “I’m a little shocked you’re the first person like that I’ve met, to be honest. All I hear about these days are trans people.”
Dani sighed. “Ah, yeah I wish it were different to be honest. Sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s not like you control the media,” Rachel said. “You don’t, right?”
Rachel looked stern for a second before softening again with a laugh. “I’m just kidding, sorry. I shouldn’t joke that soon after you share something like that.”
Unsure of what to say, Dani just laughed. “It’s still a better reaction than my parents had.”
“Oh,” Rachel said. “Right, Simon mentioned you and your parents didn’t get along. I guess that’s why.”
Dani murmured in agreement.
Well this is going a lot better than I expected. I should get drunk and come out at work! Wait no. You’re not allowed to be drunk at work.
“Still, thanks for trusting me with something like that,” Rachel said. “To be honest I didn’t expect to really interact with you ever again after Simon…”
“I guess I didn’t expect to see you a whole lot, either,” Dani said.
“Ya know what?” Rachel stood up. “We should hang out! Like, outside of parties. If you ever want someone to go shopping with, or to just shit talk your roommates, I’m your gal.” She held out her hand to help Dani get up as well. “What do you say, Da– Wait, should I call you Danny still?”
Dani accepted the hand and stood up alongside Rachel. “Dani is good! D-A-N-I. But still the same I guess.”
“Got it. Now, let’s try and recover this night a bit.” Rachel walked into the middle of the huddled group. As soon as she got near they split and made room for her. “Hey, you guys didn’t smoke everything I gave you, right?”
The guy in the pinwheel hat spoke. “Sorry Raych. I’ll pay you back I swear.”
She groaned and walked back to Dani, taking her hand once more. “Whatever. Come on, I have some in my car.”
“Wait, what are we doing?” Dani asked.
“We’re gonna smoke and forget about your annoying-ass roommates.”
And with that, she dragged Dani off the porch and into the yard.
