“What?” Kamian questioned, as if mishearing.
I halted my steps and met his gaze squarely.
“How can I spend my whole life with you? Even children leave their parents to become independent. It’s impossible for me to remain attached to you indefinitely.”
“……”
“To be honest, even if I were to die, you would still have a life beyond that, but this is my only chance at life. Isn’t spending this precious time solely with you a loss?”
Kamian’s face betrayed an eagerness to speak, but his lips remained coldly sealed.
“If you understand, stop saying strange things. I want to quietly go home.”
Did he truly comprehend? Afterwards, Kamian fell silent. The stagnant air settled upon our shoulders. Thankfully, we were almost home, or else I would have inadvertently spoken first after instructing Kamian to keep quiet.
Kamian greeted Debra and Jex with exaggerated warmth, as he usually did, once it was just the three of us.
However, when he and I were left alone, the number of words exchanged dwindled significantly.
“It seems saying I’m tired had an effect,” I noted.
Though it should have been a matter to be pleased about, an unsettling sensation persisted around my sternum.
However, the impact didn’t last long.
The next day, early in the morning, Kamian and I wielded brooms. We were clearing the yard of fallen leaves. But as we swept them away, more leaves would flutter down, and the cycle would repeat. Annoyed, I threw my broom aside.
Kamian picked up the broom I had thrown and neatly set it aside in one spot. He then quietly continued sweeping the leaves alone. I sat on a bench and watched him.
[Swish, swish.] The sound of the sweeping was oddly satisfying. As I listened to the rhythmic sound, my head began to nod forward. Oh, I woke up too early. I should have just stayed in bed when Kamian told me to.
[Blink] In an instant, I thought my head had fallen forward, fully expecting a jolt. As if seizing, I jerked my face upwards. Suddenly, Kamian’s face was right in front of mine.
“Surprise,” he whispered.
Kamian tucked a crimson maple leaf into my ear.
“What should I do?”
He murmured softly.
“How can I stay by your side?”
“…”
I plucked the leaf from my ear and rolled it between my fingers.
“Yes?”
It was driving me crazy. My heart kept weakening, as if it were a defect. I wanted to tell him that I never get tired of him, that I want to spend my whole life with him by my side. But I had to be like Pinocchio.
“Well, maybe we can live without seeing each other for about ten years.”
Unexpectedly, Kamian’s expression remained blank. It seemed as if he expected these words to come out of my mouth. Surprisingly, his reaction bewildered me instead.
“You think I can live without seeing you for ten years?”
“Who knows.”
“You’re already tired, you can go inside and rest. Instead, you’re nodding off while waiting for me.”
“…”
I hadn’t even realized it until now. That’s right… if I’m sleepy, I can just go inside and sleep. Not only that, I didn’t have to follow Kamian next door to help with the work.
Was it because I felt guilty about leaving Kamian alone? Can I be sure that it was because of such a kind heart… Eventually, my head lowered.
It was simply because I enjoyed being by his side.
“Am I wrong?”
My lips were dry. Kamian knew what I had been unaware of. What would happen if I acknowledged those words here?
It would be no different than confessing my feelings. That’s something I can never do.
“…If Leo were the one living with me, I would have said the same to Leo. Your place can be filled by anyone. Don’t be deluded.”
Kamian’s lips twisted coldly.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
“What?” Kamian questioned, as if mishearing.
I halted my steps and met his gaze squarely.
“How can I spend my whole life with you? Even children leave their parents to become independent. It’s impossible for me to remain attached to you indefinitely.”
“……”
“To be honest, even if I were to die, you would still have a life beyond that, but this is my only chance at life. Isn’t spending this precious time solely with you a loss?”
Kamian’s face betrayed an eagerness to speak, but his lips remained coldly sealed.
“If you understand, stop saying strange things. I want to quietly go home.”
Did he truly comprehend? Afterwards, Kamian fell silent. The stagnant air settled upon our shoulders. Thankfully, we were almost home, or else I would have inadvertently spoken first after instructing Kamian to keep quiet.
Kamian greeted Debra and Jex with exaggerated warmth, as he usually did, once it was just the three of us.
However, when he and I were left alone, the number of words exchanged dwindled significantly.
“It seems saying I’m tired had an effect,” I noted.
Though it should have been a matter to be pleased about, an unsettling sensation persisted around my sternum.
However, the impact didn’t last long.
The next day, early in the morning, Kamian and I wielded brooms. We were clearing the yard of fallen leaves. But as we swept them away, more leaves would flutter down, and the cycle would repeat. Annoyed, I threw my broom aside.
Kamian picked up the broom I had thrown and neatly set it aside in one spot. He then quietly continued sweeping the leaves alone. I sat on a bench and watched him.
[Swish, swish.] The sound of the sweeping was oddly satisfying. As I listened to the rhythmic sound, my head began to nod forward. Oh, I woke up too early. I should have just stayed in bed when Kamian told me to.
[Blink] In an instant, I thought my head had fallen forward, fully expecting a jolt. As if seizing, I jerked my face upwards. Suddenly, Kamian’s face was right in front of mine.
“Surprise,” he whispered.
Kamian tucked a crimson maple leaf into my ear.
“What should I do?”
He murmured softly.
“How can I stay by your side?”
“…”
I plucked the leaf from my ear and rolled it between my fingers.
“Yes?”
It was driving me crazy. My heart kept weakening, as if it were a defect. I wanted to tell him that I never get tired of him, that I want to spend my whole life with him by my side. But I had to be like Pinocchio.
“Well, maybe we can live without seeing each other for about ten years.”
Unexpectedly, Kamian’s expression remained blank. It seemed as if he expected these words to come out of my mouth. Surprisingly, his reaction bewildered me instead.
“You think I can live without seeing you for ten years?”
“Who knows.”
“You’re already tired, you can go inside and rest. Instead, you’re nodding off while waiting for me.”
“…”
I hadn’t even realized it until now. That’s right… if I’m sleepy, I can just go inside and sleep. Not only that, I didn’t have to follow Kamian next door to help with the work.
Was it because I felt guilty about leaving Kamian alone? Can I be sure that it was because of such a kind heart… Eventually, my head lowered.
It was simply because I enjoyed being by his side.
“Am I wrong?”
My lips were dry. Kamian knew what I had been unaware of. What would happen if I acknowledged those words here?
It would be no different than confessing my feelings. That’s something I can never do.
“…If Leo were the one living with me, I would have said the same to Leo. Your place can be filled by anyone. Don’t be deluded.”
Kamian’s lips twisted coldly.
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
